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CineSchlock-O-Rama
Tinseltown Time Machine
BY G. NOEL GROSS | July 6, 2001

Twenty years ago, Cannonball Run boasted a stunning cast of some of 1981's biggest and brightest stars. Hollywood loves to recycle a proven success, so who would land the principal roles in 2001?

Cannonball Run
Cannonball Re-Run
Jester sex symbol and his sidekick buffoon

Burt Reynolds and
Dom DeLuise

George Clooney and
Louie Anderson
Perky, blonde obsession of American men
Farrah
Fawcett
Britney
Spears
Hot cleavage queens with a need for speed

Adrienne Barbeau and
Tara Buckman

Pamela Anderson and
Elisabeth Hurley
International man of mystery and sophistication
Roger
Moore
Austin
Powers
Hipster jokesters of the cloth -- with a mean streak

Sammy Davis Jr. and
Dean Martin

Chris Rock and
Jerry Seinfeld
Asian sensation with dazzling foot work
Jackie
Chan
Jackie
Chan
Nashville yokel and punch-drunk football great

Mel Tillis and
Terry Bradshaw

Garth Brooks and
Troy Aikman
Arabian oil baron with an eye for the ladies
Jamie
Farr
Fez of
"That '70s
Show"
Twitchy proctologist known to frighten small children
Jack
Elam
Jeff
Goldblum

Send your comments to feedback@cineschlockorama.com

G. Noel Gross is a Dallas graphic designer and avowed Drive-In Mutant who specializes in scribbling B-movie reviews. Noel is inspired by Joe Bob Briggs and his gospel of blood, breasts and beasts.

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