Indeed, the names of nine of its eleven stars zoom toward the camera before the title appears onscreen. The premise is rather clever: five couples learn after two-and-a-half years of wedlock that their marriage isn't legally recognized. It turns out that the newly appointed Justice of the Peace that had married them, Melvin Bush (Victor Moore), had performed his services prematurely, before the date his appointment was set to begin.

Bush and his wife (Jane Darwell) debate the wisdom of contacting the couples as their present lives unfold. The Gladwyns, Steve and Ramona (Fred Allen and Ginger Rogers), are bickering radio stars who see the legal hiccup as a means to get out of their broadcasting contract, and away from one another. Jeff Norris (David Wayne) is left at home to look after the baby while wife Annabel (Monroe) embarks on a career as "Mrs. Mississippi" with her ambitious manager (James Gleason).

Philandering husband Hector Woodruff (Paul Douglas) cheats on wife Katie (Eve Arden, wasted), and sees the annulment of their marriage as a chance to whoop it up seven days a week. Wealthy romantic Freddie Melrose (Louis Calhern) is crestfallen when he learns wife Eve (Zsa Zsa Gabor) is nothing but a gold digger after his money. Finally, draftee Willie (Eddie Bracken) learns of the legal snafu the same day he's supposed to ship overseas and finds out wife Patsy (Mitzi Gaynor) is pregnant. He's beside himself with worry that his baby will be branded as "illegitimate."

Altogether, We're Not Married! is an entertaining collection of anecdotal vignettes. The best segments are quite good, the weaker ones short enough to remain inoffensive. Producer / co-writer Nunnally Johnson and director Edmund Goulding keep things moving, and the flimsiness of several of the stories is bolstered by the all-star cast.

Spoilers

The only segment that's a total bust is the last one, with Bracken and Gaynor (she looking a lot like Mira Sorvino), a schmaltzy mix of slapstick and romance that plays like Hail the Conquering Hero underwater. Clearly patterned after Bracken's films with Preston Sturges, the segment is frenetic without being funny, and sentimental in the worst sense, a sharp contrast to the dark and acerbic humor of the rest of the picture.

The film get off to a great start, beginning as it does with Gladwyns getting married at the Bush home. Bush is so inexperienced and inept he needs Ramona to help guide him through the service, while groom Steve anxiously begins to question the man's ability to perform the service at all. Moore and Darwell are very funny as the doting, absentminded old couple, while Allen is hilarious squirming through their utter incompetence. A later scene with Rogers and Allen shamelessly plugging inane products on their radio show (after making disparaging remarks about them immediately before) is quite funny, too.

Allen was a huge radio star himself but only made a handful of films. This is really a shame considering how funny he is here. His role suggests how his persona might have clicked in films, playing henpecked husband parts similar to those essayed by W.C. Fields 15 years before.

The best segment is the one featuring Calhern and Gabor, who ironically are the only "couple" not to receive above-the-title billing. What makes the segment work is Calhern's terrific performance as a mild-mannered milquetoast. Set up by Gabor with the aide of shady lawyer Paul Stewart and detective Alan Bridge, the trio mercilessly blackmails Melrose, planning to take him for everything he's got. Calhern's playing, a mix of disbelief and bewilderment, is just right. Then, of course, the tables are turned after Melrose receives a letter from the Bushes, and Calhern's revenge is a real delight.

Monroe's part is subservient to Wayne, a bigger name at the time, though that gradually changed over the four pictures they made together, the last being How to Marry a Millionaire in 1953. Theirs is a one-joke segment but it works, and the punch line, beginning with Monroe's reaction to Wayne's news of their non-marriage, is sweet and funny.

This was one of several all-star anthologies Fox made at this time, possibly in an effort to pry moviegoers away from their new TV sets. The studio followed this with O. Henry's Full House later that same year. That film also featured Allen, Monroe, and Wayne.

Film buffs will want to keep an eye out for several unbilled actors in minor roles. By far the biggest name among them is Lee Marvin, cast as Bracken's army buddy with the unlikely name of Pinky! Alvin Greenman, Alfred the janitor in Miracle on 34th Street, has a funny bit as a radio sound effects man. Dabbs Greer has a tiny part as a spectator at one of Monroe's beauty contests, while Gloria Talbott can be glimpsed during Douglas's dream sequence. Millicent Patrick, the makeup artist who helped create The Creature from the Black Lagoon, was concurrently an actress. She has a small role here as the secretary who helps put the story in motion. Amusingly, these scenes revolve around a trio of politicians (including a governor) and appointees named Bush, who consider covering up their incompetence.

Video & Audio

Presented in its original 1.33:1 aspect ratio, We're Not Married! looks good if not exceptional. As with the other Monroe releases, a stereo track with no discreteness is offered in addition to the original mono track. The DVD includes optional (yellow) English and Spanish subtitles.

Extras

A trailer for the film is included, complete with narration and text. Also included are trailers for all 14 Monroe titles Fox has released thus far. Finally, a generic ad for the Diamond Collection, now substantially marked down in price and highly recommended by this reviewer, can be found on the DVD as well.

Parting Thoughts

None of Fox's new titles (the others are Let's Make It Legal, Love Nest, and As Young As You Feel) feature Monroe as prominently as she appears on the DVDs' sleeves, but they're welcome nonetheless. We're Not Married! is perhaps the best of these, thanks to a unusually big cast of stars and a fun, fast-paced script.

Stuart Galbraith IV is a Los Angeles and Kyoto-based film historian whose work includes The Emperor and the Wolf -- The Lives and Films of Akira Kurosawa and Toshiro Mifune. He is presently writing a new book on Japanese cinema for Taschen.