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Reviews » DVD Video Reviews » Species III (Unrated)
Species III (Unrated)
MGM // Unrated // December 7, 2004
List Price: $25.98 [Buy now and save at Amazon]
Review by G. Noel Gross | posted December 13, 2004 | E-mail the Author
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CineSchlock-O-Rama
Short Takes

First came Sil. Then Eve. Now Sara! Yep, they've gone and done it. From Hollywood's "Sequels Nobody Asked For" department comes space-alien nudist Natasha Henstridge's diddlin' DAUGHTER to once again lay waste to humanity one horndog at a time. But fear not, Ms. Henstridge worked a whole DAY on this sucker, mostly as a corpse, yet still manages to earn her keep with a gag-worthy birthing scene David Cronenberg would envy. A pod or two later, out pops buxom blondie Sunny Mabrey to jiggle some November sweepage for the Sci-Fi Channel and, naturally, to peddle plenty of these here UNRATED discs. Hold your hormonal horsies, though. While this cut's way fleshier, it's also dern near TWO HOURS of the worst sci-fi schmaltz ever beheld. That's mostly because it's been SEEN at least 48 gazillion times already. Even the "good parts" aren't that good. Sure, CineSchlockers will glee in Robert Knepper's demented doc and his blind enthusiasm for playing father-figure to his oversexed science project. The gut-bursting grue also has its moments too. But the flick's fatal flaw? The franchise's new covergirl is deliciously upstaged by interstellar femme fatale Amelia Cooke. Oooo! Mondo catfight, right!?! Unfortunately, no, as she's introduced much too late to properly probe such plot potential. It's enough to make CineSchlockers wonder if this "sexy sci-fi thriller" was made by nearsighted EUNUCHS!?! That's unlikely, although the oh-so serious commentary by this disappointment's director, writer and MALE lead isn't exactly heartening. Especially given cluelessly undue praise is heaped on the flick's shot-on-digital pedigree when it too often resembles a murky internet stream. Note to MGM: Species 4: Amelia's Naked Revenge. Four breasts. 11 corpses. CGI shenanigans. Gratuitous "Nobody Does It Like Sara Lee" subtext. Caticide. Puking. Toilet-top diddling. Alien wangdoodle. Ear tumbles. Gratuitous Iraq joke. Arm regeneration. Fitful coffee slinging. Gratuitous factory footage. Ol' split-a-guy-in-half gag. Geezerly dean stumbles on a stark nekkid Sara: "Your lack of inhibition is truly inspiring!"

2004, 112 mins, 1.78:1 anam, DD 5.1, Commentary, FX featurettes [34 mins], Photo gallery, Trailers.

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G. Noel Gross is a Dallas graphic designer and avowed Drive-In Mutant who specializes in scribbling B-movie reviews. Noel is inspired by Joe Bob Briggs and his gospel of blood, breasts and beasts.
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