Nukes. With the nuclear proliferation of the Cold War, the creature features of the A-bomb era gave way to post-apocalyptic visions of the future. Destruction was no longer limited to the length of Godzilla's spined tail. It was global -- a world enslaved by apes, covered in water, or terrorized by road-warring gangs. But occasionally, within these stories are glimmers of hope as in the case of Cherry 2000 (1987, 98 minutes). Specifically, for the dateless.

The movie: The year is 2017, and Sam (David Andrews) is cavorting on the kitchen floor among the suds of an over-flowing dishwasher when tragedy strikes -- his girlfriend short circuits mid-diddle. She's a Cherry 2000, a prized classic compared to the day's latest robotic, ahem, companions. In this grim future world, romance is passe and human relationships have become exceedingly complicated, to the extent that lawyers negotiate the terms of a night's carnal pleasure in minute detail. Comparatively, Sam is a romantic, twisted as it seems, who can't face a world without his beloved Cherry (Pamela Gidley). His search for replacement unit sends him to Melanie Griffith who guides Sam into the Mad Max-esque Zone 7 where a secret stash of robobabes is rumored to exist. They scream down desert roads in her tricked-out Mustang, while she attempts to look tough and avoid making eyes at Sam, who passes the time listening to recorded nookie sessions with his now water-logged love doll. Romance blossoms, of course, when they're forced to battle a charmingly-insane overload named Lester (B-veteran Tim Thomerson). CineSchlockers will recognize character actor Ben Johnson as Six Fingered Jake. Mr. Johnson appeared in gobs of westerns and also had the distinction of starring in THREE killer-insect flicks in the '70s: Locusts, The Savage Bees and Irwin Allen's star-studded epic The Swarm.

Notables: No breasts. 21 corpses. Bottled cat. Flame throwing. Wimpy rocket attack. Mondo water slide. Toasted rattler. Loaded oven mit. Multiple explosions. Point-blank execution. Bee attack. Arrow to the head.

Quotables: The future sounds nice, "Yeah, Zone 7 is a tough place. You should see the way they carry on out there -- people staying up ALL NIGHT playing Twister and reverting to their animal natures."

Time codes: Slinky 007ish title sequence (:20). Robby the Robot and friend (7:22). Melanie joins the flick (18:00). Truck free falls to glorious splat (32:50). Who could have predicted THIS!? (1:08:00).

Audio/Video: Presented in its original widescreen (1.85:1) format. The print is clean and relatively sharp throughout. Ms. Griffith's Bozo-red hair is especially vibrant. Robust Dolby Digital 2.0 soundtrack.

Extras: Brief "Making of" featurette (with alternate footage). Fullframe trailer. Static menus without audio. No insert or liner notes.

Final thought: Let's see, it's 2001 and still no robo-Britney Spears. They must be working on that water-proofing problem. Recommended.

G. Noel Gross is a Dallas graphic designer and avowed Drive-In Mutant who specializes in scribbling B-movie reviews. Noel is inspired by Joe Bob Briggs and his gospel of blood, breasts and beasts.