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Reviews » DVD Video Reviews » Kinky Kong
Kinky Kong
POPcinema // R // September 5, 2006
List Price: $19.99 [Buy now and save at Amazon]
Review by Christopher Noseck | posted October 20, 2006 | E-mail the Author
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The Movie:
Ok, I'll make a confession right off the bat. I agreed to review Kinky Kong based solely on the name. I couldn't help it, but with a name like that my curiosity was completely piqued. "Never judge a book by its cover" (or movie for that matter) has never been so apt a rule as it was with this movie. What touted itself as a "non-stop erotic action epic and hilarious spoof" was nowhere near being erotic, having action, nor being hilarious. What the movie was, however, was an utterly amateurish, vastly inept waste of time (even at clocking in at an hour and fifteen minutes) that should be avoided at all costs.

A brief synopsis is in order, since after all this is a review. Erotic film director Seymoure Ass (John Fedele) is looking to make his next epic. Wanting to find the next great starlet, he comes across Fannie Sparrow (Sabrina Faire) trying to steal a sex toy from a street vendor. Seymoure lures her to join his cast and star in his film being shot on Bone Island. Upon arriving they run into the natives (all five of them), including Brunhilda Patel (AJ Khan); who immediately takes a liking to Fannie and becomes her new friend and partner on the island. Soon thereafter they run into the true native of the island, Kinky Kong, who walks around with a perpetual hard on and wears a large diaper to cover himself up. He spies on Fannie and Brunhilda during one of their make out sessions, and dispatches a wandering dinosaur who wants to watch the action as well. Taking the girls for his own, he is soon knocked out by Seymoure's explosive flatulence (ha ha) and taken back to New York to star on Broadway in Seymour's newest attraction. Without delay, Kong escapes from the theatre, runs amok in the city (which amounts to climbing on a building and watching a woman do a lengthy and dull strip tease in a bar while he pleasures himself), and is finally distracted by the Statue of Liberty; which just happens to be the right sized woman he's looking for.

Across the board there's nothing remotely enjoyable about the movie. John Fedele plays Seymoure as a fast talking huckster with a voice that sounds like James Cagney on speed. It's neither funny, nor likeable and only becomes more distracting as he continues to talk. Sabrina Faire isn't much better, with wooden acting and boredom in her eyes during the one make out scene and strip routine she has. Duane Polcon plays the boat captain Jack Friskell with a scratchy voice and bad acting, turning out to be a raving gay man who becomes obsessed with Kong, even going so far as to dress in drag during the New York scenes in hopes of attracting the big ape to him. Speaking of the ape, Kong is portrayed by Dan Schwab, who fares better then the rest, but only because he's in bad ape makeup and is supposed to act silly and over the top as it is.

The film itself is a mess of flat jokes and uninspired sight gags. If you're going to put on a parody, you have to at least acknowledge the subject being parodied and show that there is inherent respect for it. Sure, lampooning a film isn't an easy task to do correctly, but the best ones do it by referencing their jokes on the fact that the original material was an inherent joke set up in the first place. The Scary Movie series, Airplane, Amazon Women on the Moon; all of these knew how to parody because they saw the humor inherent in the source movies but at the same time understood that the movies weren't anything to just laugh at – they were respected as well.

What Kinky Kong does is use the basic premise of King Kong only as a template to move their jokes through. The movie could've been interchangeable if it had taken place in outer space, a different country, even a different state. You know there's not much money being spent on a film when Kong's hand, holding the actress, is poorly superimposed in front of a background plate and then immediately cut to a wide shot of Kong holding an obvious Barbie doll. Then there's the dinosaur scene, which has said dinosaur being realized through Claymation and interacting choppily with Kong during the fighting. It was a total flashback to watching the effects in Land of the Lost, and I quite honestly half expected Chaka to show up and referee the fight on hand. In fact, now that I think about it if Chaka had made a cameo, I would've at least gotten a well deserved chuckle out of it and raised the rating for this movie a slight bit higher.

The DVD

Video:
The video is well done for a low budget film. Colors are clear and the picture is sharp. Considering that the super imposing of the green screen effects into some of the shots is blatant, there are several instances of digitizing and grain when the two frames are put together. While that's par for the course for a film like this, it does become a bit distracting. The screen ratio is 1.78:1 widescreen; enhanced for 16x9 televisions.

Sound: The audio appeared to be a general Dolby digital track. Nothing in the film really lent itself to needing surround sound attention. Most of the music and dialogue comes from the center speakers, with occasional sound effects on the right and left side.

Extras: On the extras side, there's a commentary track with producer Michael Raso, moderated by Henrique Couto, of the Freak Forum myspace page. Actually the commentary is simply a podcast, so the sound is very scratchy, which doesn't lend itself well to an easy listen. On the commentary Raso admits to not really being on the set of the film much at all, so he doesn't really have any recollections or anecdotes of the shoot itself. What he does talk about is the genesis of EI Independent Cinema and Seduction Cinema, as well as how most of the actors and directors got started. Raso seems to be a genuinely nice guy who clearly loves making films. To his credit he fully admits that the movie is entirely silly and in essence was out to make a comedy/burlesque throwback film. Henrique plays the role of fanboy and while some of the more interesting questions about the shoot Raso can't answer, most of the track consists of saying how funny and great the film is and that it's just a fun time to be had by anyone who sees it. There's also a roughly three minute behind the scenes section which shows most of the major people involved having a genuinely fun time and really looking like they're doing their best to make a good film. It was this section I found most entertaining and wish the actual movie had as much infectious fun on display as it appears the cast and crew had making it. A trailer gallery of previous Seduction Cinema films, a fold out booklet with liner notes, and a coupon for a "Hot Cut" edition of the film round out the extras.

Final Thoughts:
After listening to the commentary and seeing the behind the scenes segment, it's apparent that all involved genuinely tried to make an entertaining film and had a good time doing it. Having your heart in the right place for a project and then seeing the final product can turn out to be two completely different things, as is the case with Kinky Kong. There are certainly other parodies out there done much better, as there are erotic films that hit the mark better than this. On the outset the film appears to be able to reach the "so bad it's good" status of most cult items out there. Unfortunately it dropped the ball on all levels and is simply a forgettable goof of a film that you'd be hard pressed to sit through, even late night on cable.

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