It's not that I loathe Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie for meaningless or arbitrary reasons; Life is too short to expend that kind of energy for no good reason. Nope, I hate these blank-faced, ugly-souled, mega-wealthy harridans for what I consider to be a fairly good reason: To me, they represent everything that's presently wrong with our celebrity-sucking world. Famous for no good reason (except for the fact that their parents are rich) and riding a scummy crest of faux-celebrity that appeals to only the youngest and less intelligent people of the world... Someone, right now, give me a solid example of what these two morons have brought to the world. Even the laziest, lamest movie director ... actually made a movie! These girls do nothing, and they presently exist as nothing more than a shrine to shallowness, materialism, snobbery, ignorance and stupidity.

So obviously I don't much care for their mind-meltingly awful television series.

Now in its fourth season, The Simple Life is a fake reality show in which two of the world's stupidest people act like raving assholes in front of a bunch of "regular folks," dribbling comments like "What up bitch?" and "That's hot" while the planet's most naive 14-year-olds tune in and clap their hands with insipid glee. The gimmick of the fourth season is this:

Since Paris and Nicole apparently hate each other now (I must have missed that issue of Rich Ignorant Slut Magazine), they're now required to spend a solo day with a "normal family" of their choice. It's sort of like one of those Nanny shows, only instead of a kind-hearted and compassionate babysitter, your kids must now contend with a coke whore and an anorexic ghoul who hope to tickle their audience by talking about tits in front of toddlers and calling a three-year-old girl "a hooker."

The low-minded depravity of this thing just sickens me ... and this is coming from a guy who can watch 15 ultra-nasty gore flicks in a row without batting an eyelash. What's on display in The Simple Life is more horrifying than any horror flick, and I consider it a crystal-clear indication as to how low we've sunk as a society.

For a "reality series," there's literally no reality on display here; just a bunch of half-hearted visits with some random nobodies that afford Richie and Hilton the opportunity to sneer at middle-class factors like bills, shopping and dirty diapers. Rarely has two persons' contempt for their audience been so overwhelmingly evident. And so I return that contempt tenfold: Screw you Paris, Nicole, and whoever else worked to foist this facile piece of garbage onto an unsuspecting public. What looks like mindless TV piffle is actually a massive slap in the face to every American who has the unwashed audacity to make less than $400,000 a year.

The fact that small girls line up to meet these soulless shrews makes me weep for the future. Seriously.

The DVD

Audio/Video: All ten episodes are presented in their original full frame format. Audio comes in Dolby Surround, with optional subtitles in English and Spanish.

Extras: Thank the lord for small favors. No extras.

Final Thoughts

Yeah, I don't like these people and I don't like their TV show. Were I as rich as these two idiots, I'd spend my life knee-deep in ultra-comfortable anonymity -- and if I did decide to make myself a TV star, I sure as shit wouldn't do it by positioning myself as the world's dumbest slut.