B-auteur Brian Yunza knows his zombies. He cut his teeth on Re-Animator in 1985 as producer and from there he directed staggering corpses in Bride of Re-Animator. So, it only made sense that when Trimark was looking for someone to wrangle zombies in Return of the Living Dead 3 (1993, 97 minutes, Rated R) they turned to a gore-slinging expert like Yunza. He takes this stuff SERIOUSLY, folks, as well he should. It's a daunting task making, as he calls it, "a second sequel of an alternative sequel to a horror classic." Of course he's talking about George Romero's Night of the Living Dead (1968) and Dan O'Bannon's Return of the Living Dead (1985) that each had their own particular zombie lore, which Yunza and writer John Penney somehow had to remain true to while also attempting to create something fresh and new. And as the film clearly shows, they were supremely successful in their efforts.

The movie: Unlike previous movies, where our heros were the living who must fend off the lurching attacks of groaning ghouls, here the tables are turned a bit as we follow a particularly bad evening for Curt and Julie -- who are, as Bill Shakespeare would have called them, "star-crossed lovers" and utterly doomed. Julie (Mindy Clarke) coaxes Curt (Trevor Edmond) into sneaking into the super-secret military lab where his pop works (Kent McCord). Their snooping reveals that the government is still noodling with ways to switch zombies on and off in hopes of using them as disposable weapons of mass gnawing. Curt is horrified, while Julie thinks it's wicked cool. After some celebratory diddling back at his place, and a fight with his father, Curt decides hot chicks in daisy dukes beat army life and speeds away from home with Julie on the back of his motorcycle. But its when she gets handsy that they both go careening over the handlebars in a horrible crash. In desperation, Curt lugs Julie's broken body back to the base and pops open one of those pickled zombies in a barrel and lets the escaping Trioxin gas work its magic. That's where the REAL fun begins. At its little black heart, this is the tender love story of a undead hottie who gets HEAVY into body piercing to quell the hunger for her boyfriend's brains. Beautiful, sniff, just beautiful. CineSchlockers interested in perusing more of Ms. Clarke's astonishing body of work should check out Return to Two Moon Junction.

Notables: Two breasts. 21 corpses. Security card licking. Leg burning. Decapitation. Involuntary pole vaulting. Brain drilling. Puking. Multiple shotgun blasts to various limbs. Finger munching. Diddling. Pierced stunt nipples. Brain gobbling.

Quotables: Julie must not have seen the bright light, "God, Curt! That was incredible! Let's do it again!" Santos (Mike Moroff) disapproves of women who bite without permission, "She gave you something, ese. She gave you something bad -- gangrene, rabies? Maybe the bitch has rabies?!" Curt is in complete denial, "We're gonna move to Seattle. We're gonna get a nice place on the water. I'm gonna get a gig in a band and you can hang out all night and party and watch me play."

Time codes: Trioxin experiment achieves mixed results (8:40). A truly horrendous motorcycle crash (21:50). Cosmo has never heard of THIS eating disorder (35:20). Julie's first piercing (39:40). Playboy's Miss November 1988 Pia Reyes (47:03). Technically, this is necrophilia (1:03:20). Julie struts her latest look (1:04:45).

Audio/Video: Presented in a clean, consistent print in its original widescreen (1.85:1) format. Dimly-lit scenes are free from pixelation. The utilitarian Dolby Digital Stereo track is crisp and bold.

Extras: The Unrated VHS and laserdisc releases feature several gore inserts and lingering close-ups that this R-rated special edition does not. While the lack of these alternate shots certainly don't devolve the overall carnage into The Parent Trap, it's worth listing some notable omissions:

• Split-second peep at lab technician's festering zombie bite.
• Camera lingers on zombie gobbling brains, and as one of the techs is dragging himself to the door, a zombie gnaws on his leg.
• A chunk of storekeeper's brain splatters against the van when he is shot by the police. Followed by a close-up of Julie eating his brains.
• You actually see the storekeeper cram a crowbar into the cop's eye socket.
• Bullet impacts to re-animated storekeeper's chest.
• We see the wire break the skin when Julie pierces her arm with the spring.
• Camera lingers when Julie cuts her hand with glass.
• Yes, the lauded ripped lip is trimmed.
• More lingering when Julie pulls an attackers head off.
• DRAMATICALLY different shot selections when Julie is discovered chowing on Riverman (Basil Wallace).
• Riverman's severed spine writhes around after the shotgun attack.

That said, back to what the disc DOES have. Two fan-worthy commentaries -- the first with director Brian Yuzna and the second with luscious zombie starlet Mindy Clark and FX wildman Tom Rainone. Yunza explains the genesis of the picture, and how he sees its fit among the previous incarnations. He laments the fact it never got "a proper name" like Return of the Living Dead 3: Curt & Julie. His overall tone is on the serious side, however the insights he shares are very enjoyable. The real party animals are over on Track 2 as Mindy and Tom trade jabs during the flick. Tom is a fellow Texan and isn't shy about speaking his mind, either about the R-rated cut of this feature, or on Ms. Clark's stunning appearance. Mindy, er, MELINDA as she prefers to be called, has an excellent attitude about the picture and even jokes about when she'll be able to show it to her daughter. Also included is a trailer gallery featuring this film, Faust, Progeny and The Dentist 1 & 2. Static menus without audio.

Final thought: Trimark delivered two outstanding commentaries, yet gorehounds won't have their fill until an Uncut version is released (if ever). This was a great personal disappointment, as the disc was MY most-anticipated of the year. Recommended.