When Vince brought back ECW, there were some who were hoping against hope that,
with Heyman's involvement, it would slightly resemble the ECW of old. Well, here
we are, almost a year and a half later, and it resembles some of the worst of
WWE and is a pale imitation of what ECW used to be. In fact, they're slowly
phasing out the majority of the "extremists" that they brought back for the
first "One Night Stand" two years ago.
Well, this ain't your daddy's ECW. Heck, this
isn't even entertaining wrestling. Before I get carried away, i'll tell you that
this PPV is an anorexic two hours and fifteen mintues. That's right - TWO hours
and FIFTEEN minutes. It also took place at the James Brown Arena in Augusta,
Georgia on December 3rd, 2006. Here's the card:
- One Night Only [the Hardyz vs. MNM]
- How fitting that the latest ECW PPV get started with a match between MNM
and the Hardyz! After the Hardys issued an open challenge to any tag team,
MNM reunited and accepted their challenge. Now, I like the Hardys. I really,
really do. I also like MNM - as a team though, not individual wrestlers.
However, this match dragged and dragged and dragged. There were the usual
Hardy spots and MNM did their best to keep up, but there wasn't much that
held my interest. Did I mention that this match really dragged?
- Rob Van Dam Comments On the Extreme
- Balls Mahoney vs. Matt Striker -
After getting some caffine in my system to make sure this PPV doesn't put me
to sleep, I see Balls trying to take Matt and his pink vest to school and show him
what ECW used to represent. Considering the amount of offense Balls gets in, I have to say that i'm surprised
with the outcome.
Brian Pillman: Loose Cannon DVD Promo
- Why this is here, I have no idea.
CM Punk Warming Up In the Hallway
- Blink and you'll miss Punk warming up, because we immediately head over to
an unconscious Sabu, pulling off one of the tried and true WWE cliches and thereby eliminating Sabu from participating in the
Elimination Chamber match. I have to agree with the audience when they
immediately start chanting "Bullshit".
- Elijah Burke & Sylvester Terkay vs.
- Since i'm not an ECW viewer, I have absolutely no idea who any of these
guys are. I take that back - I recognize Guido from his time on SmackDown!
(back when I used to watch). Still, I still ended up with only the slightest
interest in what seemed like a squash match. Then again, most of my interest
had to do with Trinity and her lovely red outfit.
- Tommy Dreamer vs. Daivari
- This isn't a knock on Dreamer or anything, but this was a bad match that
culminated with an out-of-nowhere pinning and then a spot where Dreamer,
Tazz and Mercury do their damnedest to sell Khali's monstrosity.
- Paul Heyman Talks To Hardcore Holly
- So, they decide to take Sabu out of the Elimination Chamber and replace
him with Hardcore Holly? Mmmkay.
- Mike Knox & Kelly Kelly vs. Kevin Thorn
- Kelly...Kelly? Ohhhhh wait...she's the "exhibitionist" that (as
far as I know) hasn't "exhibited" a damn thing, right? Well, i'm
Shelly Martinez and, even though she's saddled with this pathetic "vampire"
characters, she's still pretty damn hot. In fact, if I were to start
watching ECW, she'd be the only reason i'd watch. Anyways, her and her Vampy
boyfriend take on the exhibitionist and some other dude. I could really care
less about the shocking "turn" in this match and mainly focused on Shelly's
curves. I know she's been wrestling for a while now, it's a shame she
couldn't show off her skills in a REAL match.
Rebecca Interviews Bobby Lashley
- Boy, Rebecca's cute.
- Extreme Elimination Chamber For the ECW
Championship [Big Show vs. Rob Van Dam vs. CM Punk vs. Test vs. Hardcore
Holly vs. Bobby Lashley]
- So, lemme get this straight - after two successful years, this is
why the elimination chamber was taken away from New Year's Revolution?
Oh, but wait - this is the extreme elimination chamber! This one has
comes with a chair, a crowbar, a table and a baseball bat wrapped in barbed
wire! After the fellas take their pods, Holly and RVD get the wrasslin'
started in a fairly slow and boring manner (by RVD's standards), until Punk
is released right as RVD treats Holly to a nifty Rolling Thunder. Now, I
realize it's supposed to be every man for himself, but as far as I know,
both Punk and RVD are faces, right? Yet, Punk spends the majority of his
time kicking RVD's ass instead of Holly's (and eventually RVD is responsible
for Punk's ejection from the chamber - but not before Holly gets a very slow
moving superplex of Punk off the top rope). Once Test came in and an
eliminated RVD, I could care less who won and was glad this PPV was over.
In addition to all of those matches, we're
also treated to these extras from this year's WrestleMania:
- Post Chamber Interviews [RVD - Hardcore
Holly - CM Punk - Test - Lashley - Big Show]
- Rematch For the ECW Championship [ECW
12/5/06 - Bobby Lashley vs. Big Show]
Unfortunately, there weren't too many issues with the picture quality on
December To Dismember. Even though the picture did have a slightly muted color and there were
the usual slight compression issues due to all the pyro and
graphic elements, it was still watchable and presented in the WWE's standard full frame 1.33:1 ratio.
Audio: Even the crystal clear Dolby Digital 5.1 sound
that enveloped my living room while I was watching, couldn't help me from
being terribly bored during this 2 hour PPV. However, viewers are also given the option of
being bored in Spanish too.
Conclusion: When I originally started typing this review, I composed
it the same way I do with every WWE product I review. Half way through, I
realized that I really didn't have much to say about the matches and
everything was pretty negative. So then I thought about just listing the
chapters (sans comments) and typing up a paragraph or two explaining why
the review is different. Well, as you can see, I followed the template and
posted some comments about each match.
Now, as i've pointed out in past reviews - I
wasn't around for most of the 90's wrestling. In fact, I bowed out during the
late 80's and didn't rejoin until 2001, so i'm not one of those "man, can you
believe how badly Vince is pissing all over the ECW"-type people. Not that I
don't think it, I just have no basis for comparison. However, I can
recognize when i'm bored and watching poor wrestling matches with wrestlers that
seem to be phoning it in. If you want to see some ECW-style wrestling, I
recommend you Skip It and pick up ECW's One Night Stand or an old ECW
DVD. If you want to see some WWE-style wrestling, I would still recommend you
Skip It since there's TONS more stuff better than this. Heck, the
recently reviewed Armageddon BLOWS this PPV away. The fans, and
some of the wrestlers on display here, deserve so much better.