They used to be a staple of late night cable TV, an easily obtainable alternative to the still very much taboo XXX experience. Indeed, back before adult material went meta, then mainstream, the only way to experience some hot horizontal hopscotch was to crank up Showtime or tune to Cinemax and wallow in a heaping helping of old school softcore sizzle. Sure, the actresses seemed a simple step away from the service end of your local dive bar, and their partners were either portly or merely playacting, but they frequently delivered some basic bang for your pay television buck. For better or worse, the easy availability of porn (along with the social acceptability of rampant plastic surgery) changed everything, so much so that no one even bothers with the non-penetration brand of balling today. Secret Key Motion Pictures would like to change all that. Hoping there is still an audience for I Like the Girls Who Do style skin flicking, this DVD newbie is putting out its own line of lewd-lite offerings. Their most recent is this honorable horror spoof Sex Hex. Combining an all lesbian conceit with some wonderfully wonky junior high humor, the result is a terrific trip down mammary - oops, memory - lane.
When Carl the Cable Guy decides to give up his job laying the coaxial for a stint as your friendly neighborhood vampire slayer, he sees nothing but blue skies - and greenbacks - in his future. Sadly, business ain't exactly booming, and it's not long before our hero resorts to handwritten flyers and low budget commercials to give his supernatural service a name. Just his luck - things have taken a turn for the supernaturally sexy over at a local multinational conglomerate. Ever since a new secretary - Diane - came onboard, the ladies in the building can barely keep their clothes on. Granted, that's a good thing. Unfortunately, once they finish friggin' in the riggin', they die. That's a bad thing. Carl believes Diane is a new kind of sexual vampire, a gorgeous ghoul who gets her paranormal kicks by sucking the corporeal life force out of her more than willing victims. If he's not careful, our intrepid protagonist might find himself on the wrong end of a Sex Hex as well.
Hey guys - remember those first pre-pubescent dreams you used to have, the ones where feminine knock-outs stripped down to their bare bodkins to participate in some randy one on one bushwhacking? As perk, plump breasts banged into each other in nipple erecting randiness, you're pathway to another nocturnal emission was paved with rock hard readiness? Recall how simultaneously sizzling and safe these fantasies were, guaranteed to give you a boner but also leaving your burgeoning sexual psyche nice and strong? Well, that's Sex Hex in a naughty nutsack. The bodacious brainchild of writer/director George Freeway (the editor of such previous softcore sensations as Play-mate of the Apes and Lord of the G-Strings), this nonstop Sappho showcase is like hardcore lesbian porn without the extreme gynecological close-ups. Indeed, Freeway understands the basics of the genre implicitly. First, draft a dopey clothesline narrative, the kind of simplistic story that can easily house lots of hottie-on-hottie humping. Toss in a random male character who is clueless in his non-erotic eunuchness. Pepper the dialogue with grade school level toilet humor (farts and diarrhea are always good for a guaranteed laugh), and whip out the willing mommy bags every five minutes or so and you've got cinematic gold. If your cast contains above average lookers who don't come across as rejects from the local strip club amateur night, you're the next Russ mofoin' Meyer.
Freeway has found a fantastic carnal company for his riff on same sex spookiness. Granted, many have visited their plastic surgeon/favorite tattoo artist one too many times, but the groin-grabbing results speak for themselves. As the new breed of sexual succubus, Sabrina Faire is wonderful in her basically braindead depravity. She poses and preens for the camera with as much enthusiasm as a hooker balancing her checkbook. As the eager employees in this vamp's sightlines, Darian Caine, AJ Kahn, and Jackie Stevens equally steam up the situation. Not only are they excellent at selling the simple dialogue, but they really know how to make fake femme fornication work. If you're into bewildering body art, Ms. Molly Heartbreaker will give you a needle and ink eyeful, while newcomer Sativa Verte is the kind of hirsute honey typically waxed completely out of such simulation scenarios. Add our bumbling vampire hunter, the frighteningly five o'clock shadowed Clancy Fitzsimmons, and you've got one helluva capable company. That they manage to consistently deliver in both the laughs and lewdness department is part of this silly schlockfest's innumerable charms. While the running time is definitely monopolized by babes banging the buttermilk out of each other, Freeway offers up enough goofy asides, random ridiculousness, and vintage smoker material (as part of Fitzsimmons' delightful daydream) to provide some necessary non-nookie relief.
But be warned - if you're one of those prudish, PC oriented individuals who hates it when women are treated as beautiful, desirable objects de sex, if you detest fake titties and their shallow orbital cement traits, if you can't cotton to the notion of wayward pseudo-sluts getting frisky with each other without some mandatory man meat nearby, then avoid Sex Hex and fire up your bookmarked Internet porn connection. This is a movie made for those who like a little mystery with their miscreance, some sensuality in their shuck and jive, some allure in their ardor. Uptight twits and those who believe the only good lesbian scene is a toy-filled internal thrust-a-thon need not apply. Sure, one can argue that this is nothing more than a collection of male-minded fantasies forced together with some pointless comic mugging, or that as a supposed horror spoof, this has about as much to do with either genre (creepshow and comedy) as Belladonna has with subtle XXX acting. In the end, however, it's the gonads that do the talking, and Freeway and his film definitely deliver in the erotic engorgement department.
Offered in a crisp, clean 1.85:1 anamorphic widescreen image, Sex Hex looks really good on the DVD format. Granted, our erotic auteur is a little heavy handed with the Vaseline smeared soft focus (you can tell when the Sappho stuff is coming as the lens gets all gooey), and as a filmmaker, Freeway is definitely from the point and shoot school of composition, but none of that really matters. All we really care about is a professional looking flesh film, and this transfer definitely gives us said experience.
Loaded with those lovely sex sounds that help to sell any sham slammin', the Dolby Digital Stereo mix provided is nicely atmospheric. The musical score sounds like something Elvira, Mistress of the Dark would use while riffing on the Munsters, but it does add an interesting touch of fright flick ambience to the overall mood of the movie.
As for added content, the digital package of Sex Hex contains some tantalizing tidbits. First up is a XXX-style Behind the Scene featurette. Focusing on how the girl on girl gratuity was blocked and captured, and having very little interview or interactive material, this is Making-Of material at its most basic. As for Q&A's, Sabrina Faire and Molly Heartbreaker each sit down for a quick round of insights. Both ladies are astute and self-effacing. Last but not least, we are treated to a deleted scene (nothing more than Ms. Faire getting dressed for the day) and a groovy collection of Secret Key trailers. Some of them are absolutely hilarious. Well not quite definitive, the bonus features on this disc do offer their own level of fun.
Packed with pulchritude and laced with lovelies, Sex Hex is one terrifically titillating throwback. Unless you can only respond to overly aggressive gonzo style same sexing, you'll definitely enjoy this sampling of illicit lady loving. Highly Recommended for both its humor and its horniness, this is the kind of title that reminds you why softcore can be - on occasion - more satisfying than straight-on smut. There will be those for whom this will all be too silly, too safe, and too stylized. For them, it's a Bang Bus full of pay for play fools or nothing else. Luckily, companies like Secret Key are still willing to buck the f*ck and s*ck trend to take erotica back to its post-exploitation, pre-Pam and Tommy roots. This is the kind of wistful wantonness that used to pass for adults-only entertainment. Here's to its long overdue comeback.
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