A poor man's Upstairs, Downstairs. And you might as well throw in a second-rate The Duchess of Duke Street, to boot. Acorn Media has released both series ("seasons" in UK TV-speak) of 1997-1998's The Grand, a soapy, melodramatic serial set in a luxurious hotel in early 1920s' Manchester. The five-disc, 18-episode The Grand: Complete Collection tries to marry the stateliness of the traditional period British TV mini with more contemporary notions of dramatic exposition (someone gets whipped by a dominatrix for your pleasure), but it fails to do justice to either course. Obvious, sometimes incredulous scripting, performances that fail to catch fire, characters who are difficult to root for, and a suspiciously frugal recreation of what is supposed to be an opulent setting, condemns The Grand: Complete Collection right at the front door.

The Grand tells the stories of The Bannermans, John (Michael Siberry) and Sarah (Julia St. John) and their efforts to run an ultra-luxury hotel. John, strong, honorable, and locked down by tradition, intends for The Grand to be run just as his father intended it to be run - that's why his father left the entire hotel to him, and cut out his brother, Marcus Bannerman (Mark McGann), from the inheritance. Marcus, a successful, absolutely ruthless businessman in Manchester, harbors deep resentment towards his holier-than-thou brother - as well as open attraction for his brother's wife, the wan, lovely Sarah. Sarah, who chafes at the rigidity of her husband's honor-bound traditions, may loath Marcus to his face, but deep down, she's flattered by his attentions, even when she's faced with Marcus' cruel, sadistic relationship with masochist Ruth (Amanda Mealing, Victoria Scarborough).

Marcus becomes more involved with The Grand when John realizes that his investment banker has swindled them out of their capital savings. Faced with the reality of closing The Grand, John is forced to accept Marcus' offer of a partnership, with both brothers getting 48% of the shares, and Sarah getting 2% as the tie-breaker for any decisions concerning the running of the hotel. Naturally, John thinks he has Marcus controlled because he can't conceive of Sarah ever voting against him, but he fails to take into account his wife's dissatisfaction in their marriage - and her growing attraction to the openly pursuing Marcus. All is not well with the Bannerman children, either. Son Stephen (Stephen Moyer, Ifan Meredith), recently returned from the First World War, is battered psychologically, as well as being a weakling who can't make up his mind about anything. And daughter Adele (Camilla Power) is a seemingly innocent girl who soon succumbs to the spoils of being rich.

Meanwhile, down in the bowels of the hotel, the lowly staff that's really the heart of The Grand, toils in obscurity and rather drab uniforms. In the great tradition of 19th century hotels, The Grand houses all staff on-site, to guarantee the finest service. Jacob Collins (Tim Healy) is the all-seeing, all-knowing and totally discreet Hall Porter, who maintains the standards of The Grand while keeping all its darkest secrets. Mrs. Harvey (Christine Mackie) runs the housekeeping, and she's an absolute terror for keeping up The Grand's exacting requirements of absolute, unthinking servitude from its staff. Mrs. Harvey's most dependable servant is plucky Kate Morris (Rebecca Callard), who works like a slave and who understands how "lucky" she is to have a job in The Grand (when many of her lower social order in Manchester are having crushing financial difficulties). She's a "lifer" who plans on devoting her whole life to The Grand. No such luck for Lynne Milligan (Naomi Radcliffe), a wild, grumbling complainer who always has a snotty rejoinder under her breath when Mrs. Harvey gives an order, and who longs to leave The Grand for wealthier climes - which is no problem for naive beauty Monica (Jane Danson), a housekeeper who comes under the guiding wing of long-term hotel resident - and famous whore - Esme Harkness (Susan Hampshire), who promises to teach Monica how to become independent without the help of men.

SPOILERS ALERT!

Created and written by Russell T. Davies (Queer as Folks, Torchwood, Doctor Who), The Grand bears uncomfortable similarities to better series Upstairs, Downstairs, and particularly The Duchess of Duke Street (which has a similar plot concerning a woman of questionable background taking over a grand hotel). Much like Upstairs, Downstairs, we're supposed to marvel at the hypocrisies of the tony elites who run The Grand, while we sympathize and identify with the put-upon grunts who do the hotel's real dirty work (and who are often more admirable in the way they conduct their lives). And for a few episodes, The Grand works on this level, particularly when the Marcus character is first introduced and his conflict with trying to win Sarah away from John is racheted up. McGann's Marcus is a nicely observed sadist who enjoys humiliating and smacking around his masochist girlfriend Ruth (whom he tells is good only for bearing his children), and McGann portrayal is about the only juice you're going to find in the first season of the series. The conflict with the rather pallid John and Sarah may be corny as all get out, but at least we can watch McGann slither around like a snake, and enjoy his creepy, angular performance.

But when the focus is on other characters in the hotel, the series goes into coma mode right quick. As stated before, John and Sarah are stilted, boring characters (I love it when the series - with a straight face, no less - has the impossibly stuffy John comfort the soon-to-be-hanged Monica with the knowledge that she may die in the morning, but at least she had the privilege of serving the very best creeps of European aristocracy) who engender zero audience interest (not helped by the rote performances by Siberry and St. John). And when they leave the series at the beginning of season two, there's absolutely no conflict in which the Marcus character can operate. Focus then shifts to Stephen (a character that suffers a debilitating cast change for the worse), who comes off as a callow weakling, and Ruth's baby-switching scheme - again, with a cast change for the worse, taking the first Ruth (Mealing) from intriguing masochist (which the series doesn't explore in any meaningful way), to a laughable gorgeous nutcase (Scarborough), running wild-eyed around the hotel (these kinds of mid-series cast changes always cause a disconnect with audiences). Instead of the familiar but at least believable dramatics of Marcus trying to steal Sarah - and The Grand - from John, we're stuck with Ruth running off to London and roughing up a surrogate mother when she loses Marcus' baby. It's a silly main story arc that further weakens the series' basic aims.

The lowly servants below the hotel are no more interesting, either. Callard's Kate, the lead among these characters, is difficult to root for - particularly when she keeps ratting out other employees for infractions against the hotel, always citing higher moral outrage rather than doing a friend a favor by turning a blind eye to their misdeeds. Forever alternately whining about her love for Stephen and encouraging the other workers to roll up their sleeves and put out for The Grand, the gnomish Kate radiates a prudish self-satisfaction that's extremely off-putting. And she's our lead! Healy's Collins and Mackie's Mrs. Harvey are well-done but hardly original characters, with Radcliffe's Lynn probably the most dynamic of the lower-level characters. But again, the writers don't know what to do with her from episode to episode: in one, she's kind to a fault, in another, she's a bully, twisting some poor girl's arm, and in another, she's singing on a stage.

As for The Grand's most notorious guest, Esme Harkness, noted actress Susan Hampshire (The Forsyte Saga) can't do much with one of the hoariest (sorry) cliches in films - the hooker with the heart of gold - except smile ruefully at the follies of man while lamenting her loneliness. More often than not, she becomes a stand-in for the screenwriter's statements on hypocrisy and tolerance, rather than a fully drawn character. Costumed rather ridiculously for a whore living in a 1920s 5-star hotel (her enormous breasts are ludicrously pushed together and out of her frocks, seemingly threatening to choke her at any moment), Hampshire's character isn't developed so much as exploited, fitted into scenes where either a calming resignation or hard-edged businesswoman is needed, with the real hypocrisy coming from the series hinting at all those deliciously nasty things she does (we get to see her whip a john who's on all fours), which are supposed to be so harmful to her soul; in other words: titillation with a hand slap, the worst kind of cheap, juvenile moralizing.

Disappointing, too, is the actual production of The Grand, which looks decidedly cheap and low-budget for depicting a supposedly luxurious 5-star hotel. The relatively small, sparsely decorated sets look like sets with flat lighting and uninspired framing, with only a few cramped, limited set-ups to convey not the opulence of a Roaring Twenties, world-famous hotel, but the parsimony of British TV standards - a perfect representation, come to think of it, of the series' paltry dramatics.

Here are the 18, approximately 50-minute episodes of the five-disc boxed set The Grand: Complete Collection, as described on their slimcases:

DISC ONE: SERIES ONE

Episode 1
On New Year's Eve 1919, the Bannermans celebrate the reopening of their family's hotel and the return of their son, Stephen, from World War I. But Stephen has trouble adjusting to civilian life and a tragedy soon reveals the shocking state of the hotel's finances. Faced with losing The Grand, Sarah reluctantly turns to Marcus for help.

Episode 2
Thrown into an uproar by Marcus, the hotel proves inhospitable to a former maid now in desperate circumstances. Monica befriends Miss Harkness and discovers the elegant older woman's true profession.

Episode 3
Stephen steals money from the family safe so he can impress his beguiling new girlfriend, Celia, who turns out to have a shocking past. Mary confronts Miss Harkness, while Monica becomes her protégé.

Episode 4
After meeting soldiers who served with his son, an agitated Mr. Collins must confront his ambivalence over his son's death. Kate and Stephen bond but staff gossip stymies their budding friendship. Monica continues to have ideas above her station.

DISC TWO: SERIES ONE

Episode 5
Adele's childhood friend stays at The Grand while recuperating from surgery and drags Adele and the servants into her antics. The anniversary of their daughter's death drives a wedge between John and Sarah, which Marcus uses to his advantage.

Episode 6
Worried that he might have been exposed to a deadly disease, John makes a surprising confession to Sarah. Monica dines with a hotel guest and makes an impulsive decision that will irrevocably changer her life.

Episode 7
When James gets called back to London, Monica finds herself with no place to stay, leading to a horrifying turn of events. Anticipating their wedding, Marcus and Ruth move into The Grand, much to Ruth's dismay.

Episode 8
As Monica waits to meet her fate, wedding preparations continue at The Grand and the staff rebels. Speculation runs rampant about who financed Monica's defense.

DISC THREE: SERIES TWO

Episode 1
Isobel Crawford arrives to help care for her granddaughter Ruth and quickly becomes a pernicious presence. While Kate is preoccupied with the romantic attentions of Stephen, new housemaid Lark gets herself into trouble.

Episode 2
Stephen must choose between loyalty and the law when an ex-army friend he hires mugs a club patron. After Kate dares her to perform at an amateur night, Lynne tries to leave The Grand for a singing career. John attempts to reconnect with Sarah, but Marcus interferes.

Episode 3
Ruth faces a crisis and resorts to the black market to resolve it. Stephen begins dating a beautiful young woman named Christina. The staff girls lobby to attend a government lecture, and Sarah acts on her desires for her brother-in-law.

Episode 4
One of the men who assaulted Monica returns to The Grand, and the staff refuses to serve him - except for Fred, the hall porter, who acts surprisingly sympathetic. John confronts Marcus and Sarah, precipitating an explosive showdown between the two brothers.

DISC FOUR: SERIES TWO

Episode 5
With Marcus now managing the hotel, the staff worry about their future. Meanwhile, a mysterious guest creates a stir during her stay, offering Kate a job and seducing Marcus. When the guest turns up murdered, Marcus becomes the prime suspect.

Episode 6
Clive gets a promotion, but his liaison with a guest forces him to acknowledge some painful truths about himself. Stephen and Christina become engaged.

Episode 7
With her expected delivery date already past, Ruth escapes to London and demands that Dr. Curzon induce the surrogate mother's labor. Alarmed by his wife's sudden disappearance, Marcus follows her. Miss Harkness' first love returns to woo her, and Clive tries to unionize the staff.

DISC FIVE: SERIES TWO

Episode 8
As Miss Harkness begins planning her business venture with Marcus, a rival attempts to lure her away. Kate suffers an injury on the job, spurring Stephen to reconsider his engagement and make a public confession.

Episode 9
Baby Charles' birth mother forces Ruth to giver her a job at The Grand. After Kate's promotion to assistant housekeeper, Mrs. Harvey walks out, leaving Kate to direct the staff on an exceptionally busy night.

Episode 10
Kate introduces Stephen to her parents, but his involvement with the club threatens their relationship. On the morning of Charles' christening, Mr. Collins tells Marcus the baby's true parentage, and Marcus suffers a crisis of conscience.

The DVD:

The Video:
The non-anamorphic, 1.66:1 letterboxed video transfers for The Grand: Complete Collection leave a lot to be desired, with a soft image that frequently breaks up during darker scenes, and inconsistent color valuing (dark heads soon turn green as the bit rate plummets). The smallest monitor possible is the only answer here for these poor transfers.

The Audio:
The Dolby Digital English 2.0 stereo mix for The Grand: Complete Collection is surprisingly nimble across the front speakers, but since there's little of anything important said, it's for naught.

The Extras:
There are no extras for The Grand: Complete Collection.

Final Thoughts:
A poor imitation of better British TV minis, The Grand: Complete Collection features only one successful character (who becomes largely irrelevant during the second season), along with cliched scripting, indifferent thesping, and an unconvincing production. Fans of anything British (myself included) might want to check it out just to say they have, but it's really rather second-rate. Skip The Grand: Complete Collection.