He is decidedly not jolly. More than twenty years before younger critics marveled at the fact that TV viewers would take a shine to a fat, bald, mustachioed Detective Andy Sipowicz in N.Y.P.D. Blues, an even fatter, balder, mustachioed private detective had a highly successful five-year run on CBS: William Conrad's Cannon, produced by the legendary Quinn Martin production house. CBS DVD and Paramount have released Cannon: Season One, Volume One, in a bare-bones, somewhat shoddily transferred four-disc set. The first eleven episodes of the 1971-192 season are here, along with the made-for-TV pilot that started all the heavyweight action.

Growing up in the early seventies, the "golden age" of network TV detective and police shows, I like other viewers had an absolute wealth of choices of soon-to-be classic series featuring your more standard-issue flatfoots and private dicks (clean-cut and square-jawed Hawaii Five-O and Mannix), as well as more quirky, unconventional gumshoes (geriatric Barnaby Jones, paraplegic Ironside, and one of the great missed opportunities of the genre, James Franciscus' blind Longstreet). Cannon was the "fat one" in that latter category, and a particular favorite of mine as a kid (I admit to expressing a desire once to jump up and down on his belly). I haven't seen the show since the late 70s, early 80s, when it was a staple of CBS' own 11:30pm Late Show, where reruns of other once-popular action-oriented cop and detective series were rotated and shown. So I wasn't sure what to expect when I popped the first disc in; would dimly remembered nostalgia for an over thirty-year-old series be all that was left of the Cannon experience?

Thankfully, no. It's a great detective series (or more correctly, thanks to these stupidly divvied-up DVD sets, a great first eleven episodes of the first season), featuring a fine, offbeat performance by alternately booming/tender William Conrad. For those new to the series, Conrad plays Frank Cannon, a former L.A.P.D. Detective Lieutenant who resigned from the force (no reason, as yet, is given for this action in these first eleven episodes, save for Cannon merely replying to someone's same inquiry, "I like working for myself."). Now a big-money private investigator, Cannon receives entreaties from all over the world to solve cases (the pilot movie begins with Cannon returning from Hong Kong), with Cannon charging heavy fees to support his rather lavish lifestyle (again, in the pilot, Cannon's luxury apartment is shown - it's wild, with a huge living room, and his own hundred yard terrace shooting range!).

And that's it for Cannon. Breaking the mold for most TV detectives, there are no regular supporting characters to bounce off Cannon. No secretary, no sidekick to help with the legwork. No next-door-neighbor whom Cannon calls for help. Nobody. He's all alone. And that solitariness works to the show's advantage. After the pilot episode (where a potential reoccurring character, Cannon's lawyer, briefly shows up and then disappears for good), we don't get to see Cannon's apartment again, at least not in these first eleven episodes (I'm getting tired of writing that caveat). His nicely appointed sailing boat is shown once, but we never get a sense of Cannon settled down in one place. No office. No home. Not even a regular meeting place. He's rootless, save for the various motel rooms he rents when on an assignment, which frequently take him outside of Los Angeles. And that kind of wandering, nomadic feeling suits Conrad's take on the character perfectly.

There's a subdued, yet definite melancholy tone to Cannon's adventures; frequently, they involve old friends, or people he becomes friendly with, and their hardships affect Cannon personally. In the pilot episode, an old friend is murdered, and when Cannon finds out his friend was also unfaithful to his wife (Vera Miles, in another professional turn), it complicates matters for Cannon, who has drawn close to her while trying to solve the case. In The Salina Jackpot, Cannon befriends a fatherless boy (a young Vincent Van Patten, in a believable, nice performance) as he tries to save both the boy and his mother from ruthless killers. It's rather touching to see Cannon interact with the boy, who clearly sees Cannon as a moral, tough, and fair father figure - something that happens also in Scream of Silence, where a millionaire's son, kidnapped by a cutthroat gang, clings to Cannon after his release, clearly favoring the hard-edged but compassionate detective over his own neglectful father. And in Call Unicorn, Cannon pretends to be married to a trucking company's secretary, in order to crack a smuggling ring. Breaking up the operation, Cannon has to say goodbye to his pretend wife, with both parties expressing regret that the charade is over. Cannon always has to say goodbye to these people who have touched his life; the next case is always beckoning to him (Conrad uses that beautifully mellifluous bass voice, trained for years in radio and voice-over work, to excellent dramatic effect in these touching, emotional scenes).

All of that is not to suggest that Cannon is some predominantly weepy, mournful affair like that earlier Quinn Martin classic, The Fugitive. It's action-packed, and Cannon doesn't go around moping off into the sunset looking for a new friend to leave behind at his next adventure. On the contrary, Conrad has a curiously potent machismo about his portrayal here, a confident, take charge, no bullsh*t, almost swaggering ease that seems diametrically opposed to his seemingly cuddly exterior. As anyone who has seen Cannon before will tell you, nobody is reticent about mentioning Cannon is fat - least of all Cannon himself. In the pilot episode, there's a hilariously sick moment where Cannon, leaning against a car and letting that prodigious gut out for a moment in contemplative thought, is gawked at by a kid who stares at his girth, wondering aloud, "How did you get that fat?" But far from taking offense, Cannon smiles, thumps his big, round belly approvingly, and says, "It wasn't easy." Evidently at ease with his weight, Cannon is often the first to mention it - and it's clear he doesn't care one way or the other about it, either. He's tough as nails, with his sizeable weight a distinct advantage when he's karate-chopping a villain, or literally squeezing the life out of some punk. And as for women, his weight and his less-than-matinee idol looks don't seem to faze him at all, either. There's a terrifically odd, cool scene in the pilot episode, where Cannon comes upon Lynda Day George (in her absolute, earth-shattering prime) sunning herself on a lawn, in her underwear. Now I don't know how most bald, fat, pug-ugly men might handle that situation, but Cannon just stands there, with the most enigmatic, curious, bemused smile on his face. He's enjoying looking at her, man, and he's not looking away out of false modesty or politeness. Not on your life. And for his unwavering sexual confidence, he's rewarded by George with the sexiest little come-on smile you've ever seen. Score one for the fat man, pallie. You may think Cannon is necessarily cerebral in his deduction, due to his size (did Columbo ever get physical? I don't remember it, if he did), but actually, he gets quite a work-out here during these first episodes, performing he-man stunts like driving a big rig, scuba-diving, jumping onto a speeding motorboat, and wheeling that massive, beautiful Lincoln Continental Mark III around like it was a marauding battering ram, all the while getting shot twice in the arm, once in the leg, and set on fire (try to match that, Barnaby Jones!).

As for the mystery-angle of the Cannon episodes, they're not on a level with say, Columbo (but then again, very few of any of these shows reached that regular level of scripting complexity), but they're agreeably plotted, with strong performances from top-flight supporting players ratcheting up the experience. Certainly there's a rather remarkable preponderance of that old network TV standby - the Bad Day at Black Rock "small town with a dark secret" format - reworked, over and over again, for many of the eleven episodes here. Fool's Gold in particular plays like a warmed-over remake of that venerable John Sturges/Spencer Tracy classic; there's even a hotel sign-in scene that looks like it was lifted directly from the film. The basic structure of a Cannon episode has the portly detective disrupting an insular world by barging in and making a general nuisance of himself, but the quality of the acting (as well as the trademark high production values of a typical QM production, complete with excellent location work, courtesy of hands-on producer this half-season, Alan A. Armer, a veteran TV producer for The Untouchables, The Fugitive, and The Invaders, among others), more than makes up for the sometimes limited premise. Supporting actors this half-season include Vera Miles, Barry Sullivan, Lynda Day George, J. D. Cannon, Earl Holliman, Keenan Wynn, Murray Hamilton, Ellen Corby, John Fiedler, Tom Skerritt, Sharon Acker, Vincent Van Patten, Charles Bateman, Lucille Benson, Don Gordon, William Windom, Wayne Rogers, Diane Varsi, Ford Rainey, Mark Hamill, Clu Gulager, David Huddleston, Joan Van Ark (unbelievable in a mini and white go-go boots!), Tim O'Connor, Jason Evers, Radames Pera, Whit Bissell, Curt Conway, Max Gail, L. Q. Jones, Mitchell Ryan, Vic Tayback, Andrew Duggan, Kim Hunter, Andrew Prine, Signe Hasso, Brooke Bundy, Barnard Hughes, Harold Gould, R. G. Armstrong, Carol Rossen, Dan Kemp, Roy Scheider, Arthur O'Connell, Paul Mantee, Dack Rambo, and Richard Anderson, among many others. Now that's a cast list!

Despite the seemingly dim prospects for a detective show featuring one of the most un-telegenic leading men to come down the pike (you have to admit that he did have rather dreamy, startlingly blue eyes), and the plethora of fat jokes that became standard go-to rim-shots for the likes of Johnny Carson and other stand-up comedians, Cannon was a solid ratings' hit its first season out. Premiering on Tuesday nights at 9:30pm, Cannon had some of the stiffest Nielsen ratings competition out there, with ABC's blow-out line-up - #21's The Mod Squad, #5's iconic, near-mythical ABC's Tuesday Movie of the Week (when are all of those marvelous made-for-TV features coming out on disc???) and #3's Marcus Welby, M.D. - capable of crushing any promising new series. But with the support of well-liked series The Glen Campbell Goodtime Hour and Hawaii Five-O, and with zero competition from the ridiculous George Kennedy cop/priest show, Sarge and Gene Kelly's lamentable sketch show, The Funny Side over on NBC, Cannon managed a very respectable 28th in the Nielsen's for the year, with even higher ratings to come in following seasons. Not bad for the guy who was deemed too fat to play Marshall Dillon on Gunsmoke.

Here are the eleven, one hour episodes of the Cannon: Season One, Volume One four-disc set, as described on its insert:

DISC ONE:

Pilot (Parts 1 and 2
When an old friend is accused of murdering her husband, Cannon attempts to uncover the true killer's identity (this description is actually incorrect; the "old friend" of Cannon's is the murder victim, not the wife).

The Salinas Jackpot
An insurance company hires Cannon to track down the men who robbed a rodeo of $100,000.

Death Chain
Hired to investigate a bank secretary's murder, Cannon unearths a scheme involving blackmail and robbery.

DISC TWO:

Call Unicorn
When a series of costly truck hijackings leads to murder, Cannon's brought in to capture the thieves.

Country Blues
When a beloved country singer is killed in a suspicious plane crash, an insurance company hires Cannon to investigate.

Scream of Silence
A millionaire's son is targeted for kidnapping and only Cannon can save him.

DISC THREE:

Fool's Gold
Hired to track down an armored car robber, Cannon is surprised to discover a small town is harboring and protecting a thief.

Girl in the Electric Coffin
When his investigator friend dies while searching for a missing girl, Cannon agrees to take over the case.

Dead Pigeon
Framed for a murder he didn't commit, a police detective asks Cannon to unmask the real killer.

DISC FOUR:

A Lonely Place to Die
While investigating a triple homicide, Cannon discovers a syndicate leader may be the next victim.

No Pockets in a Shroud
An attorney hampers Cannon's investigation into a case involving an eccentric millionaire and his missing heir.

Stone Cold Dead
A missing bicycle may provide the clue Cannon needs to exonerate a Vietnam veteran accused of murder.

The DVD:

The Video:
Here's where things go south for Cannon: Season One, Volume One. The full-screen, 1.33:1 video transfers look...anemic, to say the least. These were obviously taken from syndicated video masters from some time back, and look no better than the last time you saw them on TV. No restoration has been attempted, and the results are about what you'd expect from such source material: colors that tend to fade or go muddy; a generally soft picture, no fine detail, and print anomalies, like scratches and dirt. It's not a horrible picture, but this show deserves way better than what it gets here. This might as well be VHS.

The Audio:
The Dolby Digital English mono audio track accurately reflects the original network presentation, but sound levels are on the low side, with music cues ramped up too high, drowning out dialogue at times. Close-captions are included.

The Extras:
There are no extras for Cannon: Season One, Volume One; watching the shows with the "episodic promos" - an opening montage that's relatively meaningless without the original narration - is not a bonus.

Final Thoughts:
Two tons of fun. Cannon was always a childhood favorite of mine during the "golden age" of 70s detective and police shows, and over thirty years later, it still ranks with the very best of that genre. William Conrad ain't your typical bald, fat man; he's struts around, damned proud of that prodigious gut of his, making a fat joke first before anybody can score one on him. Nobody has beat him up yet, and if the terrain gets too tough to huff and puff over, why, he'll just barrel that magnificent Lincoln Continental Mark III over it. Excellent supporting casts, and some solid scripting make this a must for lovers of vintage network detective shows. I highly recommend Cannon: Season One, Volume One, but shame on CBS DVD and Paramount for giving this classic such a lousy DVD transfer.