Dorado Films' presentation is generally good though the aspect ratio, like some of their other releases, is on the funky side. And while Italian and Spanish audio is provided along with the English-dubbed version, the Italian and Spanish tracks aren't supported by English subtitles.

As can be surmised from the title, The Three Musketeers of the West is a Western spoof of Alexandre Dumas's famous story, though regrettably besides d'Artagnan, Athos, Porthos, and Aramis, only a Westernized Cardinal Richelieu is carried over from the novel in a major way, though a conniving sexpot "doctor," Alice Fergussen, is something of a Milady de Winter type. Also, no one seems to have realized that while The Three Musketeers celebrates chivalry and loyalty, Spaghetti Westerns celebrate greed and double-crosses, so the two don't exactly mix well. Undoubtedly, the film was thrown together to cash in on Richard Lester's heavily-promoted, big-budget Three Musketeers, filmed in Spain about the same time this was; the Western spoof version was released a full three months prior to Lester's generally faithful and funny epic, but conceivably shot while it was still in post-production.

In any case, The Three Musketeers of the West follows dopey Texas Ranger Dart Junior (Timothy Brent) as he investigates a shady New Orleans banker, Riche LeDuque (Eduardo Fajardo, the poor man's Fernando Rey, apparently), who secretly plans to ship a half-million in gold to Mexican dictator Ortega, in gold bars hidden in the ambulance wagon of Alice Fergussen (Karin Schubert). She's supposedly bound for Mexico delivering a wagonload of sleeping sickness vaccine.

Dart eventually enlists the aide of three "legendary" retired rangers - you'd never guess this from the look of 'em, or by their behavior: Mac Athos (George Eastman), Aramirez (Leo Anchoriz), and Portland (Chris Huerta). As is common with such films, there are multiple double crosses, and the busy, overworked and overwrought plot is crammed with too many frenetic characters, in this case including a midget sheriff, a Chinese community of martial artists, and a German circus, whose ringmaster is a Gert Fröbe imitator. Some rag-picker types with thick Irish accents also turn up, but they're about as Irish-looking as Adolfo Celi.

At one point the film stops dead in its tracks to entertain the audience for about five minutes with card tricks (well, they are more entertaining than just about anything else in the picture....) In these scenes George Eastman seems to be performing most or all of these tricks himself.

The picture is dominated by broad, violent slapstick along the lines of what the Three Stooges did so well (and likewise complete with funny sound effects when someone gets bonked on the head). There's also the kind of sight gags usually reserved for cartoons, e.g., a character repeatedly gets hit over the head with a mallet and his head disappears into his body like a nail into a piece of wood. Many gags involve putrid cheese and an oversized bible hollowed out to accommodate a handy, big red brick.

Unfortunately, none of this comedy is done with any finesse whatsoever. Comic set pieces aren't given time to build any momentum; instead, everything is played at the same pitch as a weed-whacker. The characters aren't just broad but, other than visually, all play at the same ADD level.

Some parts of the film play better than others. Out of nowhere the picture digresses for a long martial arts sequence, possibly filmed on a backlot street constructed in Spain for 55 Days at Peking. Overrun with period Chinese architecture, it doesn't resemble anything found in the real west, but the martial arts action in these scenes have an authenticity rare for a Western world production. Squint hard and it almost plays like an alternate-universe Shaw Bros. movie. The cast is moderately appealing, especially busy character actor Eastman, and Schubert, later a porno star*, looks nice climbing out of a bathtub - but they can't save this mostly tiresome film, which is hard to take in a single dose.

Video & Audio

　 The box states The Three Musketeers of the West is presented in its "original 1.85:1 aspect ratio," but that's incorrect. The end credits and poster art clearly note it was filmed in 2.35:1 Techniscope, but here it's presented (16:9 enhanced) in a strange but not unpleasant aspect ratio of about 1.90:1 - 2.00:1. The framing is a little odd here and there, but the larger image size overall compensates somewhat for the cropped sides. Film elements sourced are, typical of Italian films from this era, a bit dog-eared but generally good, as is the color and overall resolution. The disc is playable in regions 1 and 4.

As stated above, the 2.0 English mono is okay, but the Italian and Spanish tracks lack English subtitles.

Extra Features

The main extra is a brief but helpful insert essay about the film by Lee Broughton of Westerns All-Italiana and occasional guest-reviewer over at DVD Savant's page. Also included are trailers for this and three other spaghetti titles, presumably future Dorado Films releases, and a murky but interesting full-frame alternate bathtub scene with Schubert, fully-clothed this time.

Parting Thoughts

Even though it's pretty terrible, I still welcome the release of The Three Musketeers of the West so that Spaghetti Westerns completists have the chance to see it, for what it's worth. Most others won't have the patience to make it all the way through to the end, though the curious may want to Rent It.

* Sergei Hasenecz notes, "[She] turned to porn at about age 40 or 41, which is usually a little late in the game. You've got to wonder about a movie entitled Wiener Glut (1990)."

Film historian Stuart Galbraith IV's latest book, Japanese Cinema, is due in stores this June, and on sale now.