Do you remember that kid in high school; the one who was dark and brooding and possibly wrote cryptic stories in a journal? I do, and even though, I haven't been in high school for many years, somewhere, in the back of my mind, I always wondered what he was writing about. "Circle of Eight" is likely the closest anyone will get to reading your average loner's attempts at fiction, and the end product is every bit as sophomoric, nonsensical, clichéd, and creepy as you might expect.

Originally presented as a web series, "Circle of Eight" is a project funded by Mountain Dew (more on that later), which takes a script that reads like David Lynch fan-fiction, written by that stereotypical, brooding teen mentioned above, immediately after overhearing someone discussing Dante's "Inferno." Yes, those are very harsh words, but they are entirely justified, as "Circle of Eight" is an embarrassing mess. Now, I don't make any false claims regarding by own writing ability, I'm no professional, but I can spot the difference between ambitious failure and lazy disaster a mile away, and "Circle of Eight" fits the definition of the latter, perfectly.

The film begins with our heroine, Jessica, on route to The Dante, a mysterious apartment building in Los Angeles. The overly long, extended driving montage, like the rest of the movie, could have used some liberal editing and was the first red flag, that the 83 minutes to follow could be painful. Once Jessica arrives, she meets the creepy landlord, Ed. The writing of Ed's character and his creepy mannerisms is so tired and over-the-top, that I'm still not sure if "Circle of Eight" is some sly parody, that went completely over my head. Needless to say, the fact that Jessica doesn't run screaming from The Dante, shows the writers thought they could get by on atmosphere alone and skimp, quite heavily on fleshing out characters.

To be fair, there is an attempt to flesh out Jessica's character, most notably during a hastily written scene of romance with fellow tenant, Evan, a brooding, artist, who creates bizarre video art, as well as Mountain Dew paintings. Yes, ladies and gentleman, the one attempt at serious character development, in the production's one standout set piece, is marred by shameless product placement in the form of a classic urban myth, debunked long ago; no, Mountain Dew, hydrogen peroxide, and baking soda, don't make a glowing liquid. The scene, like most of the scenes in the movie, ends up stretching on for far too long, pathetically attempting to stretch out the tension, while the audience scratches their heads trying to figure out what the heck is going on.

I've conveniently avoided discussing the specifics of Jessica's experiences at The Dante, for a good reason. Essentially anything I would say would be a spoiler, since the plot is as paper-thin as they come. I will say Jessica meets her other (one-dimensional) neighbors, including the film's only notable acting name, DJ Qualls, as a creep who videotapes everyone and everything he comes across. To his credit, he's far creepier than the nonsense that fills the time in between Jessica and Evan's romance scene and the heavy-handed finale. Quick edits, cheap jump scares, whispering voices; it's all here and all used in a poor attempt to show viewers that The Dante is named for a specific reason.

I don't fault a filmmaker for trying to be ambitious, but a story needs to either have some substance or the visual set pieces need to have solid symbolism. David Lynch can pull off making a film, heavily reliant on symbolism, because he's not trying to come off as hip and edgy. Sergio Leone could tell a story with dialogue free visuals, because he knew how to properly compose a scene or set piece. The filmmakers here show nothing more than the ability to build a disjointed atmosphere with no real payoff. Unfortunately, the lack of any payoff is what makes "Circle of Eight" so insufferable. I don't consider "Circle of Eight" ambitious, I consider it lazy and a waste of time.

As a final joke on the audience, just when you think "Circle of Eight" has reached the most logical conclusion possible, it continues on for another ten minutes, with an ending that points it's finger and laughs at you for having wasted your time on the film in the first place. Worst of all, "Circle of Eight" doesn't even devolve into unintentional comedy, it's tedious and pretentiously serious. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go buy some Mountain Dew.

Obviously shot on a minimal budget, "Circle of Eight" does not sport a stunning transfer. Color levels vary from shot to shot in a number of scenes, although contrast remains, for the most part, acceptable, given the large number of dimly lit shots. Compared to most low-budget productions though, "Circle of Eight" does look a bit stronger than one might expect, with above average detail, and no glaring technical glitches.

The Audio

The English Dolby Digital 5.1 audio track, is rather dull, with your system only showing life during cheap jump scares and the finale. Dialogue is clear and only in a few scenes, does the mix level show signs of imbalance. English subtitles are included.

The Extras

The three special features on the disc are mercifully short, but entirely self-congratulatory. "Behind the Scenes of Circle of Eight" is your typical promotional piece masquerading as a look at the making of the production. "On Haunted Location" is a useless, hype piece for the film, making a big deal out of the supposed creepiness of the main shooting location. Finally, "A Day in the Life of a Production Assistant" is a brief glimpse into the behind the scenes world of a minor crewmember. It's actually the most interesting thing on the entire disc, and has a decent sense of humor throughout its five and a half minute runtime.

Final Thoughts

In Dante's "Inferno" the Eighth Circle of Hell was reserved for the fraudulent. I'd make a good case for "Circle of Eight" being aptly named solely on the merit of its entertainment value.. Skip It.