Short Takes

Ten. Nine. Eight. Seven. Six. Five. Four. Three. Two. One. Ewwww! Porn hounds know the expert woodsman can deliver his best on command, yet most probably don't realize Ron holds a master's in special education and once worked with autistic and schizophrenic children, or that his mom was a spy during World War II, or that he's never met a promotional T-shirt he didn't LOVE! The portly porn perineal started in adult "films" nearly 25 years ago when they were shot on exactly that, had detectible plots and when poking on camera could, and occasionally did, land Ron in the pokey. Today, as this often wacky warts, er, weiners 'n' all documentary illustrates, he's a bona fide cult hero who, as it turns out, would really rather earn roles where he's encouraged to keep his drawers ON! Hear his virtues extolled by family, friends and industry insiders like Jenna Jameson, Seymour Butts, Veronica Hart, Herschell Savage and Tabitha Stevens. Plus, discover his links to "Grandpa" Al Lewis, Kidd Rock, Gene Simmons, Conan O'Brien, Rodney Dangerfield and even Ronald Reagan (by shear kismet). See the legend in action! Get his monthly AIDS test. Sign countless breasts of adoring fans. Get hopelessly lost at LAX. It's all here! Afterward, check out the Hedgehog's verbal tornado otherwise known as an audio commentary and a dozen outtakes as great as anything in the flick. 87 breasts. Gratuitous spit take. Hypodermic closeup. Self-gratification. Multiple diddling. Airport wandering. Lesbian tongue rassling. Phony Nazis. Gratuitous kissy-face montage. Multiple wangdoodles (including Ron's 9 3/4 inch member). One of the faithful says it all, "I don't know how this little man -- this little fat man is getting all these women. Boy, I don't know how he do it. But he do it!" (2001, 76 mins, Unrated version, Fullframe, DD 2.0, Commentary, Deleted scenes, Trailers.)