Short Takes

There's simply no other community beyond CineSchlockers who are MORE enthusiastic about sequels of every stripe, but this obscenely ponderous, CGI shanghai'd disappointment could scarcely be more inane. It's as if the producers meticulously cataloged all that was ingenious about the original and then set out to commit the EXACT OPPOSITE to film. The bigger-is-better retread gropes aimlessly along with another gaggle of doomed folk who are plunked inside a minty fresh new Cube to fuss at each other and croak in yawn-inducing ways. Think the worst is over? Brace yourselves for the video game and rumored TV series. Two breasts. 21 corpses. Drooling. Attempted suicide (Viewers may wish to participate). Knife to the eye socket. Decapitation. Nauseating camera acrobatics. Point-blank execution. Diddling. Hottie heroine Kari Matchett issues those ever-fateful words, "Don't you worry! I'm not going to let anyone hurt you!" (2002, 93 mins, 1.85:1 anam, DD 5.1, Crew commentary, Deleted scenes, "Making of" and "Director's Perspective" featurettes, Photos, Trailers.)