[rosewood]# slogin -p2201 www.dvdtalk.com
Mwah-ha-ha! Hacking into DVD Talk's web server was child's play. That's right, bitches! It's me, A, and I'm here to tell you the truth about season three of Pretty Little Liars.
Password authentication bypassed
[dvdtalk]# sudo su
[dvdtalk root]# vi -v /home/dvdtalk/htdocs/reviews/pretty-little-liars-season-3.html
Access granted! Loading review interface...
You see, it's all part of my sinister game. Yes, I let those four accursed little liars -- Aria, Hanna, Emily, and Spencer -- think that they won. My pawn Garrett is at long last behind bars. They truly believe that Mona Vanderwaal was their tormentor for lo these many months, probably just because she has twenty-eight "A"s in her name, and now that all four-foot-nothing-of-her has been institutionalized, those bitches have an entire summer to relax...blissfully unaware that the Sword of Damocles dangles perilously overhead!!! But no, dear friends, Mona was not A; just another of my many minions, she's merely part of a larger A Team, and I...wait, what's that you say? B.A. Baracus? No, you blundering buffoon! Not that kind of A Team! You'll never believe who's on the roster, though! Neither Mona nor I are through with you yet, and as for Garrett...? There's much for you to learn there as well, said the spider to the fly...
Let me tell you some of what these pretty little bitches are in for this year! Everyone knows that Emily is an accomplished swimmer, but did you know her extracurriculars also include...graverobbing?!?!?! Thanks to my malevolent machinations, I have the photographic evidence to prove it too! I'm the one with the remains of the late Alison DiLaurentis, of course, and I taunt and torment the liars by returning their dear Ali to them, one piece at a time! Hanna tries desperately to learn more from Mona in the asylum, but my psychotic pet toys with her as a housecat does a mouse. Many other horrors await this season, and I'm not just talking about Aria using overalls as a swimsuit coverup or all those floppy ties or a closetful of tops with skulls on them, although...good lord! Detective Wilden continues to encircle his prey, and his interest in Alison's murder may extend far beyond that of an investigating officer! This Nate Dogg -- a cousin of Maya's -- isn't singing the hook, determined instead to stymie Emily's most recent relationship and perhaps even stymie her very life! Unearned makeup tests! Faked medical ailments! Perplexing prospective parentage! Jason returning to post a bunch of fliers about his sister's murder as if he'd lost his Cavalier King Charles or something! Roofies! A blood trail! A fallen flame's totally innavigable website! The secret origin of Ezra Fitz, and he's hiding more than a sock drawer full of hundred dollar bills! A most dangerous game of Truth or Dare! Secret snake attack! #thewrongfitz! Adam Lambert dressed up as Vampire Prince! Wren gettin' all up in everybody biznass! Mama datin' drama! Aria's dad is super-sketch! The revelation that lesbians aren't all that into Hanna! My recurring favorite: the girls dressing up as candy stripers to Scooby-Doo-style-infiltrate yet another medical facility! (I started off as The Peculiar Purple Pie Man of Porcupine Peak, and now I sound like the second girl to get kicked off The Bachelor; what's wrong with me?) Poisoning! Strip trivia! Elevator action! Church bell thievery! Academic decathalon fisticuffs! A pointlessly random Olympian! Who is that girl in the red coat? More than one breakup! Pan-seared Spencer! Aria Montgomery not only being the worst babysitter ever, but rushing a kid to the ER for a tiny scrape on his chin! Hanna and Aria pushing a death-car into a lake! One betrAyal after another! ...and, oh, did I mention murder!?!?!?!?!? I'm going to push one of these pretty little liars past the brink and into my loving arms. When I say that "A won!", I'm not talking about steak sauce, bitches!
If you've stuck by those pretty little bitches for the two seasons prior, you know you can't look away as I pull their strings once more! DVD Talk's laughable review system wants me to rate this DVD collection with stars. Don't you know who I am? Don't you know I can do better? Don't you know that this third season of Pretty Little Liars deserves to be ranked not with little blue stars but with an...A?!?!!?!?
Let's see how pretty those pretty little liars look in standard definition! That's right; my reach extends all the way to Warner Bros. Home Video's corporate offices, ensuring that Pretty Little Liars is once again passed over for a proper release on Blu-ray. You watched it in high definition on ABC Family; now slum it with a quarter of the resolution! Let's go to the scorecards. A: 1,157! Bitches: zero!
This season looks okay on DVD, though. Edges are somewhat muddy, and the compression's not the greatest, but detail and clarity don't suffer too much. Pretty Little Liars also features a set of 384kbps Dolby Digital 5.1 tracks. The surrounds are reserved largely for atmospherics and reinforcing the eerie music, and you can hear some occasional discrete stalk-and-slash effects as I skulk around the rear channels. The subwoofer is generally there to bolster the score as well, but it makes its presence known just the same. Subtitles are offered in a variety of different languages, among them English captions for the deaf and hard of hearing, French, and Spanish.
pAckAging and extrAs
Nothing but the best for my girls! This season of Pretty Little Liars is a five disc set, cloaked in a flat slipcover and clutching a detailed episode guide.
Deleted scenes for eleven of this season's 24 episodes are scattered throughout the collection. Presented in anamorphic widescreen, they run right around thirteen and a half minutes all told. There's very little of note, with only a confrontation between Spencer and Jason over his support of Mona leaving much of an impression. For my own sinister purposes, I also appreciate a bit of foreshadowing about a certain someone's mental state, but I'll resist the urge to reveal more. Bwah-ha-ha! To tease and torment you further, alternate endings for "The Lady Killer" tease at two other possible Associates of mine to throw spoiler hounds off the scent. This footage runs a little over a minute.
Look on in terror as my prey humiliates themselves in a six minute gag reel! The featurette "Pretty Little Liars and the 'A' Network" spends fifteen minutes exploring various theories as to my identity, and it delves into clues about my minions that have been gingerly dropped throughout the series. Rounding out the extras are fourteen minutes of webisodes leading up to the Halloween special, all set in everyone's favorite costume shop and giving some of Rosewood's most unsavory characters a little more screentime before all Hell breaks loose!
A surprisingly hefty body count, many stinging betrayals, starcrossed romances, plenty of questionable fashion choices to text your besties about, friggin' Toby in a flashback do'-rag...you might even say that Pretty Little Liars has brought its A game this season, and who am I to argue?
If you want to read more of my domination of those pretty little bitches, perhaps you could consult DVD Talk's reviews of
season 1 and season 2.