Short Takes

Oooooo! Ooooo! Is this the UNRATED version!?! Ooooo! Gimme! Gimme that sweet UNCUT version! Woooooo! No. It isn't. Now sit down and listen. LISTEN! The previous Unrated and R-rated discs from Universal are out of print and Lion's Gate has reintroduced the flick, although, only in its R-rated form. But! But! But! Hold it! LISTEN! The differences between the two are negligible at best as there's a couple vaguely more raunchy shot choices during the overly touted menage-a-hookers scene. In fact, the Unrated version is more of a poor marketing ploy than anything else. Duh-duh-doesn't Batemen say "ASSHOLE" instead of ... No. He says "ass" in both versions. There's no extra gore. No nekkid midget twister. Nothing yours truly would crawl from the gutter to scale a soap box over. So rest ye fevered brainpans. Now on with the welcome home festivities for Mr. Batemen as we all can watch our most beloved yuppie serial killer run bare hiney and bloodied whilst wildly waving a thunderous platinum chainsaw in all his homoerotic splendor. That's right, at least Leatherface's inbred modesty necessitated CLOTHES! But some will argue Christian Bale's demented dandy HAD to shed his Wall Street facade, his uniform if you will, to truly live. While carving whores like cord wood, of course. That's the fun of this obscene allegory for the money-mad excesses of the '80s that cynically suggests even a crudely dismembered corpse is socially fetching if crammed into designer luggage. Four breasts. 12 corpses. Gratuitous urination. One "Cliff Huxtable" reference. Random elf. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre Workout Video. Axe toting. Ol' disembodied head in the fridge gag. One hyper-explosive police car. Any of Patrick's orations on hygiene or the dubious merits of Huey Lewis and The News are wholly quotable, but the B-Man's true forte emerges early, "YOU'RE A F@#&ING UGLY BITCH!!! I WANT TO STAB YOU AND PLAY AROUND WITH YOUR BLOOD!!!" (2000, 102 mins, 2.35:1 anam, DD 5.1, New motion-video menus, Trailers. Previous release's featurette, but no Bale interview.)