Reviewer's Bias*
Loves: Odd films
Likes: Good T&A, Bronson Pinchot
Dislikes: Meandering films, wastes of time and money
Hates: This movie

The Film
I really wanted to have the entirety of this review simply be a picture of my face as I watched this film--fingers spread across, pulling down, my eyes glazed over and mouth hanging slack. I've watched and reviewed a lot of bad movies. This one is a genuine contender for the worst I've ever seen. The biggest problem is an attitude of anything-goes, but without the cleverness that makes such an attitude work. If your anarchic cinema results in a scene focusing on Bronson Pinchot lifting his leg to fart--repeatedly--you're doing it wrong.

The story of Dick Titties (yes, that's the lead character's name) starts out normal enough, as Dick is sitting in a locker room, with a tampon up his nose and his Burgess Meredith-ripoff of a coach berating him, as a nearby man oils himself and observes. And then, a scant 110 seconds into the film, a woman comes on-screen and takes her top off, writhing around on Dick. So, obviously it's going to be that kind of movie, and it will live up to that label, with random women getting topless with little to no motivation, including pointless cutaways and interstitials, like a woman using an angle grinder to shoot sparks off her chastity belt. Weird movies are great, but this is the lazy kind of weird, where T&A takes the place of interesting story or visuals and random is supposed to cover up the lack of unique.

At 92 minutes, the film is too long, and even at that length it's severely padded. One training montage goes on for approximately three days, give or take, while the fight scenes are mediocre at best, despite the ridiculous nature of one battle against an invisible army. The whole feel is more like an overlong TV show than a legitimate film, split up into segments, while special effects, editing tricks and camera moves are abused in the name of making it look somewhat interesting (or as a result of post-production ADHD.) There is a plot that is completed by the end of the film, but it's so secondary to the wackiness the film revels in that it's easy, nay, unavoidable to lose interest in it quickly.

In the end, nothing about this film even approaches interesting, though a pre-teen boy might get a thrill out of all the boobies on display. One only wonders how Pinchot got himself involved in this movie, but he manages to somewhat rise above the material, which only really serves to show how bad the rest of the cast is. It's a sad day when attractive, half-naked women are boring to watch, but at least the film offers a nice workout, as your neck muscles should get nicely toned from shaking your head repeatedly in reaction to the parade of dopiness on display.

The DVD
The film arrives on one DVD, which is packed in a standard keepcase. The disc features a static menu with options to play the film and select scenes. There are no audio options and no subtitles.

The Quality
For DVD, the anamorphic-widescreen transfer looks fine, with good, vibrant color, a relatively sharp image (when scenes aren't utterly out of focus) and a nice level of fine detail, though the special effects result in some harsh looking moments. Black levels are solid, and there are no notable issues with compression artifacts.

The Dolby Digital 2.0 track is very basic, with a center-balanced mix that keeps voices clear and separated from the music and sound effects. Though the recording isn't always top-notch, overall it's a pretty easy listen.

The Extras
Nope.

The Bottom Line
I can't make it more clear: this movie is bad. It has no real reason to exist, and there are so many better ways for you to spend 92 minutes. Staring at a blank wall for 92 minutes is potentially more productive, since you have a chance of finding an inner peace. That's not going to happen with kung-Fu & Titties.

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*The Reviewer's Bias section is an attempt to help readers use the review to its best effect. By knowing where the reviewer's biases lie on the film's subject matter, one can read the review with the right mindset.