Short Takes

Nearly 20 years for this? What's next!? Soul Man II: I've Been Waiting Just as Long as He Has?! It could hardly be worse. C. Thomas Howell's Jim Halsey is all grow'd up and having himself a hard time as a lawman mostly due to his twitchy penchant for pumping perps full of holes. Afforded some mandatory "me time" Halsey incomprehensibly lands behind the wheel on that same stretch of road where Rutger Hauer yammered about squishy eyeballs and played 18-wheeler tug-o-war with Jennifer Jason Leigh. Apparently, now it's genre hottie Kari Wuhrer's turn and smilin' Jake Busey is the son-of-a-psycho with his thumb out. That diagnosis is in reference to Gary, not Hauer, because this inconceivably excruciating mess of a movie NEVER DOES bother to answer just HOW lightning doth struckth twice for our hollow hero Halsey. Must be Die Hard syndrome. But that's putting it too kindly as even the most forgiving CineSchlocker will reach for a tire iron in frustration by the 40-minute mark's baffling plot twist. No breasts. 19 corpses. Racking. CGI shenanigans. Gratuitous urination. Finger lopping. Gratuitous interrogation scene. Even though she keeps those twin torpedoes stowed, Ms. Wuhrer deserves a prize for delivering dialogue such as this with a straight face: " Honey, you can't just go around shooting people because they're wacko, you know?" (2002, 93 mins, 1.85:1 anam, DD 5.1.)