Short Takes

Easily Seduction Cinema's most, well, cinematic spoof to date. Huzzah to British auteur Johnny Crash and his stylish affection for modern Gotham. Trouble is, the flick ain't that funny. Sorta the goldang point of a SPOOF, right? OK, sure, there is an over-arching reason detre at work here, which is to provide another feature-length excuse to ogle Misty Mundae, Julian Wells, Darian Caine, Ruby LaRocca and Amazonian she-devil Shelby Taylor in various states of undress and combinations of canoodling. Yet the Bacchusian yucks of Play-Mate of the Apes appear long forgotten. Ms. Mundae stars as, get this, a prudish schoolgirl who gets herself chomped by a radioactive spider and soon discovers that, alongside her newfound nymphomania, she can also SLING WEBS FROM HER HOLIEST OF HOLIES!!! Yep, you read that right and, yes, she does somehow attempt to use this rather unique talent to thwart crime. Although it's not clear exactly HOW as our randy lil SpiderBabe is awfully preoccupied with trying to stir the loins of a would-be beau (Adam Cox) by bounding around town in a salivatory getup comprised of black fishnets and skimpy hot pants. Her chief obstacle from this carnal pursuit, however, is Ms. Wells' conniving corporate queenpin who, oddly enough, doubles as a super villain who favors reptilian fetishware and presumably expects to bring both man and womankind to their knees by an over reliance on a maddeningly grating Eartha Kitt-as-Catwoman affectation. Thankfully, by way of distraction, a full third of the running time is devoted to anatomical acrobatics of far less dubious comedic value -- even when both beauties are harnessed and hoisted skyward for a climatic catfight to rule them all. 16 breasts. Five corpses. Gratuitous bubble bath. Surly clowns. Peeping. Gratuitous Times Square frolicking. Advanced lesbian tongue rasslin. Boobie bludgeoning. Hetro humping. Nipple icing. Ill-advised hair crimping. Franklin Hardesty-esque raspberries. Tarantula squashing. Gratuitous diapered dude. Patricia Porker ponders her future: "With great power comes great responsibility! It IS cool to stay in school! You SHOULD blame the dog when you break wind in a room full of people! From now on, I will only use these powers for good! [Pause.] And to get laid. [Pause.] But mostly for good! [Pause.] And to get laid." (2003, 2-disc edition, 88/81 mins Uncut/R-rated, Fullframe, DD 2.0, Deleted scenes, Featurettes, Bloopers, Music videos, Photos, Trailers, Printed insert with director interview. Note: CineSchlockers anxious to interject some unscripted giggles might try the alternate Spanish soundtrack.)