If only it had been a gay horror film instead of a lesbian horror film, the tagline for Make A Wish could have been "…and blow." But alas, there's none of that in this film. Now before all you straight guys start cheering, read my review—because this slasher/sexploitation flick doesn't fall under the heterosexual delusion of lesbianism….
Make A Wish follows the formula of horror films that Randy so carefully outlined in Scream. This one begins with a hot blonde chick getting slashed in the opening moments on her way to a birthday party. Susan's birthday party. Every year, tough, butchy Susan (Moynan King—who turns in an excellent performance) invites all her ex-girlfriends on a camping trip to celebrate her birthday.
And the victim list—uh, I mean, guest list—this year includes cute Linda, who traded in Susan for a piece of man meat named Steve. Steve isn't happy with Linda going to hang out with her lesbian past, so he follows her to the campsite. But more on that later. Next is Chloe, (in a very PC move, Susan went through a period of jungle fever—but can you guess who gets the axe first?), an over-the-top vegetarian who hates meat, be it man meat or otherwise. Monica is Susan's butchy ex, who is quite the whore, despite the fact that she has a new girlfriend, Andrea, who is not comfortable going on this trip with Monica's ex. And finally, there's Dawn (Hollace Star, another of my favorite performances in the film), who's into a new age spirituality, basically Wicca. I think we've covered most of the lesbian personality types, right?
Susan's one rule for the trip—NO MEN. Which is sure to be a painful lesson for the nosy hunter who seems to keep popping up, for Steve, who just isn't seeing the erotic possibilities of his ex-lesbian girlfriend, and for Charlie, a detective who spends most of the movie hiking through the woods looking for an escaped lunatic. He's really not much of a detective. For instance, at one point, he's sleeping in the woods at night, using a rock as pillow—and is startled awake by a woman's scream. He looks around—and then goes right back to sleep!
Anyway, all the conventions of a horror film are here. Someone's stalking the gang of horny chicks, and they begin getting sliced and diced one by one, soon after having sex. Actually—they all have sex with Monica. She's one popular bull dyke (okay, she's not that butchy, I just couldn't resist saying bull dyke). Now, I'm a huge fan of horror films, and despite being a man's man, I still expect to have to put up with major boob action in these types of films. Well, guess what…every pair of breasts revealed in this film is tiny! I felt completely bamboozled! And apparently, it wasn't just me…read the EXTRAS section of my review and you'll know what I'm talking about.
But I digress. The point is, the movie follows the basic guidelines of a horror film that we all pretty much know. Unfortunately, it lacks proper execution (so to speak). This movie is not scary. Creepy synth chords alone do not a scary movie make. I don't think the filmmakers really have a grasp on horror films. Just changing the theme by throwing in a bunch of lesbians isn't enough. This film is missing eerie lighting, creepy atmosphere, freaky camera angles, suspense, shocks, jumps and jolts. Half the movie takes place in daylight, because, believe it or not, this small group of women actually disappears over the course of like three days rather than the usual one night slash. Why does it take so long for these women to realize there is a problem?
Will this lesbian slasher satisfy lesbians who finally feel there's a horror movie made just for them? Maybe, but I don't think they should be forced to be sold short of quality horror just for the sake of being portrayed on screen. Will it satisfy horny straight guys? Nah…it's a real lesbian film told from lesbian perspectives. And as for guys like me who love horror movies—naked, flat-chested lesbians was not the kind of horror I was anticipating. Oh, and one last thing—I don't know if anyone will be all that satisfied with the twist at the end.
More from Wolfe—4 movie trailers, for the films Mango Kiss, Goldfish Memory, Laughing Matters, and My Mother Likes Women.
Subtitles—an option to turn on or off English subtitles.
Trick or Treat—a short text message letting you know there are 4 Easter Eggs hidden throughout the other menus. I only found one.
Original Trailer—this is the original trailer for the film. Don't watch it until you've seen the movie, because they show everyone dying in the movie except the killer!
Commentary—director Sharon Ferranti gives a lot of trivia about technical stuff, and expresses her admiration for the cast. She says all too often, during too many scenes, how challenging it was for the actors because the scene was all dialogue and exposition and no action, and the actors had to avoid making it boring. Yeah, I know. I saw the film already….
Interview with director Sharon Ferranti—in this 5 minute segment, a woman off screen asks Sharon some questions about fulfilling her dream of making this movie. I got the most satisfaction out of the final question, in which the interviewer asks if Sharon feels she cheated her audience by making a slasher film in which all the actresses are flat-chested!!!