I'm not exactly revealing a closely guarded secret when I say that Fox wants to dig its claws into its own family-friendly fantasy franchise. Why wouldn't they? Without even taking DVD, Blu-ray, or merchandising into account, the Harry Potter flicks have raked in billions at the box office worldwide. Fox's opening salvo, Eragon, sputtered when it limped into theaters a few years back, so the studio kept thumbing its way through the Young Adult shelf at Books-A-Million until it landed on Percy Jackson. I have to admit to never having cracked open any of the books -- although I've heard absolutely nothing but good things -- but just taking Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief as a movie, it's a blatantly shameless stab at cashing in on the Harry Potter juggernaut. The broad strokes of the setup are certainly the same: a young boy with endless troubles at school and a miserable life at home learns of his immensely powerful bloodline, he's quickly scuttled off to a
It's a mashup between Harry Potter and Clash of the Titans, really. Percy Jackson (Logan Lerman) has had it rough pretty much his entire life. He never knew his real dad. Through no fault of his own, he's struggling to keep up in school. His mom's shacked up with a repulsive, booze-swilling loudmouth. You'd think a school field trip to a history museum would at least be a welcomed break from all that, but being attacked by a winged fury in some musty backroom and standing accused of pilfering Zeus' mighty lightning bolt...? Frying pan. Fire. That whole deal. See, it turns out that Percy's the son of Poseidon, and he's been framed for a theft that threatens to spark a war between the gods that could level the little blue mudball we call home in the process. Just as the clock starts to tick down, Percy's mom gets dragged down to Hades. Heaven and Hell both want to get their clutches on Zeus' bolt, the most powerful weapon in existence. Percy can either trot up to Olympus to explain himself to Zeus and hope for the best, he could try to figure out who it was that really swiped the bolt, or he could catch a Greyhound bus to the Underworld to rescue his mom. The fate of the world may be resting in the balance, but you guessed it: Percy wants to put all that on hold to mount a rescue mission for Momma. He may not have a grasp on his powers and only has a couple hours of training under his belt, but...hey! He's the son of Poseidon -- one of the Big Three! -- so he'll get a grasp on all that soon enough. He's not going it alone either, backed by Annabeth (Alexandra Daddario), the sword-slinging daughter of Athena, and his best friend-slash-secret protector, a satyr named Grover (Brandon T. Jackson). Hey, and our hero's named after Perseus, and he has it every bit as rough as his namesake, squaring off along the way against Medusa, a hydra, an oversized minotaur, and...gulp!...the fury of the gods themselves.
I didn't grab a copy of The Lightning Thief just so I could churn out some sort of snarky review. I was a rabid Greek mythology nut growing up, I'd be pointing to The Incredible Hercules as by far my favorite monthly comic if it were still around, and more than a couple of people whose opinions I've come to respect tell me the books that inspired the film are clever and deliriously fun. I strolled in hoping to like The Lightning Thief, and instead I walked out with an "it's okay, I guess" and a shrug. The movie just stumbles around at most every turn. Logan Lerman is a decent enough presence
The Lightning Thief tries its darndest to keep the adrenaline pumping, settling into a rhythm of at least one big action sequence every ten minutes. Some of these wind up feeling flat and routine, such as the first attack with the demonic Fury in the museum. The movie tries to tack a modern twist onto Medusa chasing Percy around a labyrinth of the statues of her victims, but it plays like a blurry carbon copy of what was done so more effectively in the original Clash of the Titans. Here, there's no energy to propel it along...it just feels like The Lightning Thief is disinterestedly working its way down a checklist. "Okay, there's Medusa. Done. Next?" Very little in the movie registers or resonates. Heck, even when Percy's mother is seemingly killed right before his eyes, he doesn't seem particularly shaken up. If he doesn't care, why should I? He has so little reaction that when it's revealed that the rest of the movie will revolve around getting Mom back, Percy's declaration just doesn't ring true at all.
A few sequences
Part of the problem is that The Lightning Thief is such a blatant effort at kickstarting a franchise that the whole thing feels cold and calculated. There's never the sense that I'm watching something unique or distinctive...just a few fairly uninteresting characters on a routine quest I really couldn't care less about. It's infused with so little energy that even with another action sequence reliably popping up every eight to twelve minutes, this two hour adventure feels as if it drags on a lot longer than that. This is a movie with endlessly ambitious visual effects, but they're so obviously computer-generated that it's hard to get swept up in the spectacle of it all. They're detailed models and have been lovingly rendered, sure, but they're not photorealistic, and there's surprisingly little effort at making them blend in. The compositing work looks like Colorforms half the time, and you'll notice that the snakes in Medusa's hair hardly ever seem to cast shadows. They're just floating apart from the rest of this world. The CG wizardry as a whole feels as if it's at least five years behind the curve.
Don't get me wrong: The Lightning Thief is completely watchable. I wouldn't try to talk someone out of giving it a spin, which is more than I can say for some of Chris Columbus' other flicks, but that's about as high as the praise gets this time around. Almost unrelentingly bland, unengaging, and instantly forgettable, The Lightning Thief is a shameless grab for cash...a paint-by-numbers attempt to try and coast on the colossal success of Harry Potter. It's too distracted trying to spawn another multibillion dollar fantasy franchise to bother with a voice or personality all its own. If your kids are pestering you to pick up a copy anyway, and they just won't settle for an armful of Rick Riordan's original books, my vote would be to Rent It.
I'd kind of expect a $100 million visual effects spectacle to dazzle more than this in high-def.
It's not that this Blu-ray disc looks
There's never any doubt that I'm watching a shiny, newly-minted Blu-ray disc, and it's leagues above the DVD also packaged in this set, but The Lightning Thief still falls below average for a day-and-date blockbuster on Blu-ray. On the upside, its AVC encode has plenty of room to stretch on this BD-50 disc, and the compression never once sputters or stutters. The film has been letterboxed to preserve its theatrical aspect ratio of 2.39:1.
The Lightning Thief may awkwardly stumble around an awful lot in just about every conceivable way, but at least its soundtrack stands on the brink of perfection. This 24-bit, six-channel DTS-HD Master Audio soundtrack really is fantastic, and its sound design takes full advantage of all of the speakers at its fingertips. Even some of the understated sequences early on boast a strong sense of stereo separation. Take a couple of squabbling kids in a hallway flinging each other into lockers on opposite sides of the screen...the mix smoothly pans back and forth to match their movement all the way. It kind of goes without saying that the sound design is far more aggressive when the higher-octane action really kicks in...this is a flick with a hydra and a towering minotaur on the bill, after all. It's a spry and consistently immersive mix littered with a slew of incendiary surround effects, from Percy playing baseball with lightning bolts all the way to a gaggle of Medusa's statues tumbling over like dominoes. Bass response is thunderous as well. There's a consistently thumping low-end in Vegas, natch, and the scale and scope of the battle sequences coax all sorts of throaty roars from the subwoofer. Even with as massive as the action can get, though, The Lightning Thief's dialogue never struggles to find its place in the mix. It's consistently clean and flawlessly balanced from start to finish. I really can't come up with anything to gripe about at all...this is just a first-rate lossless soundtrack.
Also belted out here are Dolby Digital 5.1 dubs in Spanish, French, and Portuguese. Fox has included a descriptive audio track as well alongside subtitles in English (SDH), Spanish, Portuguese, and two Eastern languages whose characters I don't really know how to decipher.
There are a fair number of bullet points scattered around here, sure, but most of these extras are really short and insubstantial.
The Lightning Thief is a BD Live-enabled disc, and there is one extra that's exclusively available online: "Demigods & Work and Play: Inside the Lotus Lord Casino". This short making-of featurette focuses on one of the movie's standout setpieces and clocks in just over two and a half minutes. It can either be streamed or downloaded at a higher quality, but unless you're really looking to pal around more with the cast, it's really not worth hopping online to watch...it's just a few of the actors marveling at how amazing the casino set is and how they're all bestest-friends-forever.
This package also includes two other discs: a DVD and a digital copy disc. The digital copy is exclusively for use in iTunes, so the PSP and Zune crowds are out of luck this time around. Tacked onto the cover is a code to download a preview of the graphic novel adaptation of The Lightning Thief. It's not really worth the trouble, watermarked and limited to just a few very low-resolution pages.
The Final Word
Several of my friends are frothing-at-the-mouth fanatics of the Percy Jackson series in print, and although I've never cracked open any of the books myself, I'll give 'em the benefit of the doubt that they're every bit as clever and infectiously fun as I hear they are. Having been such a Greek mythology nut as a kid, I really do want to like this adaptation, but Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief is a hollow effects spectacle...a shameless attempt at kickstarting a Harry Potterish fantasy film franchise rather than trying to be any good on its own. There's none of the...well, magic of the Potters here -- none of that energy, none of that charm, very little of its imagination -- and what's left is kind of an indifferent shrug. Like a big chunk of Christopher Columbus' filmography, The Lightning Thief is just slow, uninvolving, and disappointingly routine. It's not a bad movie by any stretch, but The Lightning Thief is just too mediocre to really recommend. Stick with the books instead or just Rent It.