Assault on Precinct 13: SE
Image // R // $19.99 // March 11, 2003
Review by G. Noel Gross | posted March 9, 2003
M O V I E
V I D E O
A U D I O
E X T R A S
R E P L A Y
A D V I C E
Highly Recommended
E - M A I L
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R E V I E W S
Graphical Version
CineSchlock-O-Rama
Short Takes

It's cowboys vs. savages. Living dead vs. Brains in John Carpenter's first and supreme seige picture. Austin Stoker stars as one of LA's finest sent to babysit Precinct 13 (actually number nine) on its final night of service smack in the middle of Gang Central Station. Like waves of Zulu warriors, street toughs out to avenge the deaths of six of their own terrorize a crew so skeleton that, Napoleon, an inmate due for death row, must join the defence (Darwin Joston). Even though all he REALLY wants is a smoke. Laurie Zimmer is a desk skirt who can take a bullet and then empty her hand cannon right back at 'em. In what proves to be Carpenter's most pedestrian commentary, he ocassionally winces at the flick's lingering pace, but early on, he cleverly lures audiences into an odd level of comfort which is fiendishly shattered in a split-second burst of deliciously exploitive, pig-tail flinging carnage. Steps from the jingling serenity of an ice cream truck! That along with an engrossing cast, score and the riveting Tink!-Tink!-Tink! silencer attacks add up to a true B-cinema milestone and an affective ode to Rio Bravo. No breasts. 59 corpses. One blood oath. Sun spot talk. Gratuitous "Potatoes" showdown. Multiple gun battles. Ice cream man ventilating. Chain gang field trip. Rocky regular Tony Burton has it all figured out as prisoner Welles, "I've got a plan! Now, it's called 'Save Ass.' The way it works is this. I slip out of the windows and I run like a bastard!" (1976, 91 mins, 2.35:1 anam, DD mono & Isolated score, Commentary, Carpenter/Stoker interview, Photos, Radio spots, Trailer.)

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G. Noel Gross is a Dallas graphic designer and avowed Drive-In Mutant who specializes in scribbling B-movie reviews. Noel is inspired by Joe Bob Briggs and his gospel of blood, breasts and beasts.


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