Jaws: The Revenge
Universal // PG-13 // $19.98 // June 3, 2003
Review by G. Noel Gross | posted June 29, 2003
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The marketing tagline was "This time it's personal." Just how anything could be personal to a FOURTH value-sized maneater boggles the mind. The Brodys must be extra tasty to these toothy critters. Regardless, this chapter sidesteps, make that IGNORES, the ill-fated Sea World vacation and returns to the side of the only original cast member willing to give pride the finger for proper compensation. That'd be Lorraine Gary as Mama Brody whose white Christmas turns a deep shade of crimson when her youngest and Amity's finest (like his daddy) comes up an arm short in an unexpected rumble with destiny. Already widowed, the loss proves unbearable as Brody swears neither she nor her kin will never so much as wet a TOE again. Naturally, such a pledge sends her to the BAHAMAS with her surviving son (Lance Guest) who's astonishingly hesitant to chuck a career tagging and tracking shellfish. Such conflict provides Ms. Gary further license to emote at hurricane force, though she proves a poor match for unblinking scenery chewer and CineSchlocker idol Michael Caine as her flyboy beau. Meanwhile, the undersea world welcomes an out-of-town visitor who's come a long, long way for its second helping at the Brody buffet. That's Mario Van Peebles slaughtering a Jamaican accent as Mike Brody's scientific sidekick, which brings us to a bloody bone worth picking as this disc foolishly opts for the alternate "happy" ending rather than the edgier version seen in many theaters. Gotta knock a star off the movie rating for that. CineSchlockers should also note that it was during shooting of this roundly raspberried sequel that Sir Michael missed personally picking up his Oscar for Best Supporting Actor in Hannah and Her Sisters. Two corpses. Panty flinging. Killer shark cam. Tribal dancing. Gratuitous caroling. Amazing quick-dry thespian. Reckless aviating. Brody's an art lover, "I've always wanted to make love to an angry welder. I've dreamed of nothing else since I was a small boy." (1987, 91 mins, 2.35:1 anam, DD 2.0, Trailers.)

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G. Noel Gross is a Dallas graphic designer and avowed Drive-In Mutant who specializes in scribbling B-movie reviews. Noel is inspired by Joe Bob Briggs and his gospel of blood, breasts and beasts.


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