THE FILM

With "The Chosen One" (shot over three years ago), Rob Schneider makes a valiant attempt to ditch his clownish persona and attempt something substantially dramatic. It's an exciting move for the actor, best known for his sidekick stints in increasingly rancid Adam Sandler movies, trying to take on material that demands a true test of his thespian skills. This is not a very enlightening picture, but instead of a flaming wreck promised by the film's troubled production history, "The Chosen One" is merely a mild failure, trying urgently to attain spiritual significance via an actor who's made a career out of puerile slapstick.

Recently dumped by his wife, alcoholic car salesman Paul (Rob Schneider) has reached the end of his rope. At the moment of his suicide, Paul is interrupted by the arrival of three shamans from South America and their translator, Marissa (Car...Read the entire review

The Product:
Ugh...

Sometimes, that's all a movie deserves. Beyond all its ambitions, its attempts to make good on its intended genre designs, apathy becomes the requisite response. You try to build up some interest, take the 90 minute plus experience as camp or cautionary example, but as the dullness leaches into your soul and steals your will to live, you can do little except sit back and let the ennui wash over you. It doesn't happen all the time and usually co-exists with that dreaded "homemade movie" ideal within independent production, but when it does, the sensational is almost sickening. The Outback is such an ambivalence inducing experience. It wants to be an exploitative splatterfest, a combination of post-modern monster movie and blood-drenched slice and dice pseudo zombie epic. It ends up being a boring, derivative mess that few in the fanbase will appreciate - or...Read the entire review

The Film:
It is difficult to describe the Australian comedy Kenny without giving away a crucial bit of information, which is that even though the film looks and feels like a documentary, it is not. But as far as mockumentaries go, Kenny ranks among the very best, and if it weren't for the credits at the end, revealing that Kenny Smyth was played by Shane Jacobson, it would be easy to believe that this was an intimate portrait of a working class hero drowning in crap--literally.

Jacobson stars as Kenny, a divorced father who works for Splashdown, a company that supplies portable bathrooms to everything from corporate events to county fairs. Anywhere that needs portable toilets in the Melbourne area, Kenny is there to service them, mopping up the messes and unplugging the clogged pipes. He explains his job by saying, "It takes a certain kind of person to do what I do. No-one's...Read the entire review

"Hood of Horror" is "Tales from the Crypt" for urban audiences, presenting rapper Snoop Dogg as "The Cribkeeper," our host for this unwieldy horror anthology film. Made for what looks like a crisp $20 and a dumpster filled with called-in favors, "Hood" is a movie that squanders its great potential in the hunt for cheap laughs and lazy screenwriting.

"Hood," against all rational thought, actually starts off with promise. The first tale, focusing on a frustrated young woman (Daniella Alonso) who makes a deal with the devil (Danny Trejo) to exact true street justice on the local gangbangers, kicks off the film with a bang. This chapter finds the right tone and snappy pace, briskly detailing savage revenge flecked with urban comedy that's silly, but fits the mold that "Hood" is setting for itself. By the time we reach the moment when a gangsta slips on a spill of malt liquor and falls face first onto...Read the entire review

"He who filters your good name steals trash"
- Stan Laurel, Tit for Tat


And trash, albeit fascinating-like-a-car-wreck trash, is the operative word for The Swan, a two-season wonder that aired on Fox in 2004-05. (Don't count this one out, however, despite the DVD's name more episodes may be on the way.) The series grafts the basic premise of the ABC series Extreme Makeover with the tacky cliches of a beauty pageant, "the most unusual ever devised," so says host Amanda Byram. Both seasons along with an entire disc of extras have been compiled into a 5-DVD boxed set by Xenon Pictures and gaLAn Entertainment.

The 44-minute episodes, originally airing in an hour time slot, work like this: Each week, two women offer tearful stories about how acne-scarred skin or pointy noses or paunchy bellies are ruining their sex lives, their self-esteem, and how a chance to physicall...Read the entire review

Is it possible to make a bad movie on purpose? No, not the kind of rip-roaring flops Tinsel Town tosses out, like so much desiccated carp, onto the mainstream market every year. We are discussing the true titleholders of bilious blunders, the grade-Z schlockmiesters that forged the unforgettable dreck we've all grown to love. Now, many of the classic examples of foul filmmaking are not the result of someone's clever conception or purposeful pointlessness. Indeed, most cinema de-farte is made with a super serious intent to foster something significant and/or saleable out of incredibly limited resources: financial, technical and personal.

Ed Wood, that weird wunderkind of the incoherent classic, never once thought he was making crap. Just listen to the cockamamie speeches he scripted for Bride of the Monster, Glen or Glenda or the penultimate Plan 9, and witness a man marveling in...Read the entire review

It's always a shame when a film doesn't live up to personal expectations, but it's even worse when you actually feel ashamed about looking forward to it in the first place. Case in point: at first glance, A Day Without A Mexican (2004) really looked like my kind of movie. In short, it looked to provoke those who judge books by their covers, all the while winking at those who were really in on the joke. Directed by Sergio Arau, this film depicts the state of California for just one day without its Mexican population...and, on many levels, the state is thrown into turmoil.

Angry, well-to-do white people are left without housekeepers and manual laborers. Restaurants are left without cooks and busboys. Heck, the entire state is left without the acting Lieutenant Governor.

A Day Without ...Read the entire review

THE MOVIE

Thanks to the advancement of computer effects over the past years, it is now possible to make low-budget "B" movies that come out looking pretty good. Such is the case with Xenon Pictures direct-to-video release of Baberellas.

Loaded with computer effects that aren't up to network TV quality, but are at least as good as most video games, Baberellas doesn't spend too much time trying to make a story that is interesting or logical. The goal of the movie is to provide some sexy eye-candy for the home viewer, and in that respect, Baberellas achieves what it sets out to do.

Shauna O'Brien stars as "Queen Sartanika", ruler of the universe who uses a TV Show named "Plunder That Planet" to drain the sexual energy from the inhabitants and provide fuel for her starship. The planet chosen for this week's show? Earth!

The Queen focuses her atte...Read the entire review

Rob Rienier's groundbreaking film This is Spinal Tap createda new genre of movies; the unscripted fake documentary. While itmight not have been the first such film, it was the most popular and influencedmany filmmakers. Among those effected were Mike Dowse, Dave Lawrence,and Paul Spence, the writers, director and actors in Fubar, a mockumentaryabout a pair of heavy metal head-bangers living in Canada.

Fubar (though never mentioned in the movie stands for "F'ed UpBeyond All Reason") is the illegitimate offspring between This is SpinalTap and Strange Brew. Taking Spinal Tap's ad-libbedstyle, and Strange Brew's north of the border humor and love ofbeer, the creators have created something that is not as funny as theirinspiration, but still an amusing and entertaining film.

Dean Murdoch...Read the entire review

After witnessing his fathers death when he was just a child, Ah Wen (Billy Chong) wants to learn kung fu but is looked down upon by the local martial school. After Ah Wen unsuccessfully tries to sneak in under the guise of a martial master, the teacher decides to let Ah Wen into the school, but mainly shoves him in the kitchen where he does menial grunt work. Luckily the cook (Simon Yuen) is a skilled and powerful martial artist in his own right, but it takes much convincing and some kitchenary bonding before the cook relents and begins to train Ah Wen. Meanwhile, the deadly Phoenix Eye master roams the countryside with his two henchmen, a blind fighter and a deaf fighter. They are looking for the Eagle Claw master that fought them in the past, deafening and blinding the henchmen. And that master of course, just happens to be the cook, and Ah Wen will need to learn the Shadow Eagle Claw in order to de...Read the entire review

The Story: Infamous Snake Style master Sia Sa, vows to become the worlds best martial artist. But, when he challenges Monkey Style master Koo, he is beaten badly, ashamed, and vows to get revenge.....Three years later, young fishmonger Liang is beaten up and humiliated by the local, snotty, rich siblings of the Yan family. Wishing he could get even, he goes to the towns martial arts school, a place he has peaked in on before, and begs its instructor, Drunken Style expert- Master Ho, to teach him. His efforts to convince the teacher are null, and he tries to bribe Master Ho with wine, which they both sit down and drink until Liang passes out. Liang wakes up in a field with a cobra staring directly at him, luckily, Monkey Style master Koo is now a hermit living in the area, and he saves Liang from being envenomated. Koo offers to teach him Monkey Style, but Liang decides that any ...Read the entire review