All I can think about is everything I could have accomplished during those two hours.

Because those hours I spent with Star Ocean EX Vol. 2, one of the least enjoyable modern anime I've sat through, are a painful memory, for everyone involved. If I wasn't reviewing it, I would have turned this show off a few minutes in, fearing my TV would hold a grudge. Star Ocean EX makes anything with the title combination of "wedding" and "peach" sound really, really good. Everything Steven Seagel ever made is vastly superior to this anime series, even that one where he's karate chopping goons for the well-being of the Eskimos.

Based on a video game - which was then made into a manga - this show is about Claude, a young man whisked away to a not-so-strange planet (it looks like Earth, only filled with a disproportionate amount of stupid people). He's a castaway and he's now searching for a way back home. Along the way, he gathers a group of not-so-unique companions: a magic user, a healer, and a warrior. Instead of simply seeking out a road back to his estranged father and his CG ship, Claude finds all sorts of side trips worthy of his attention. Random fanged beasts rise in his party's path, which it confronts with "fire ball" magic and sharp swords. They meet a few colorful characters along the way, who give them hints for their journey. All that's missing is a power meter and a controller.

To open this second volume, Claude and company add the last member to their road trip party, a young swordsman with low self-esteem. You can't blame Ashton, what with those two poorly-drawn dragon heads coming out of his back. He's a less-than-likeable loser who's been accused of a crime he didn't commit. When the dragons take over, his persona changes into confident and bad-ass. Now that Claude and Co. have this little jerk with them, they decide they're going to hunt down a cure for his problem. A side journey? Say it ain't so.

The first three episodes (of five) on volume two show us just how cruel the creators of this show were. They stretch the hunt for Ashton's cure over an hour, with a hot-looking alien dropping in for the hunt at one point. She's the only distraction in a solid 50-minute block of boredom. Along the way, we get more evidence that none of these characters are very bright. Every one is accident prone, allowing for plenty of deformed character design and unfunny situational "comedy." Maybe it's an attempt to distract us from the complete lack of a fluid plot or unique dialogue.

By episode nine, you're rightfully wondering what the point to all this is. Apparently Claude and Co. are searching for a mysterious artifact that can save the world; see previous rev... ah, forget it. Apparently we're all in danger. I mean, I know all these strange creatures are popping up in front of our crew, but they seem placed for the convenience of giving them something to do. Nobody else in this world seems all that concerned with the world around them. Blissful ignorance? Indifference? Awful writing?

By episode 10, they've thrown a hot female ghost into the mix, along with a bunch of kelp-wearing thieves and an eye patch-wearing pirate with a skull and crossbones on his hat. These things are a necessity to any world-saving journey. Thank goodness Claude and Co. aren't easily sidetracked. Ashton speaks about his hate of bailing water during a boat trip. He doesn't know how close he comes to perfectly describing this plot.

I'm down in the dumps about the way this show looks too. Rough character movement, simple, uninspired backgrounds, and some of the saddest action sequences you'll find in modern anime exist in Star Ocean EX. If it wasn't for a few nasty creatures (one squid-like sea creature is actually pretty vicious) and well-designed (and brief) space sequences, this show would be considered an all-around animated failure.

Star Ocean EX is not funny, not exciting, and doesn't look all that hot either. Nobody in this show seems to have any idea what they're doing or why they're doing it. That only works in anime when large breasts are involved.

The DVD actually looks OK. The bright and colorful lead characters look sharp and defined. I didn't find any digital problems to speak of, other than a little grain in the later episodes. I'd search for more to say but it's all an ugly blur now.

Nothing wrong with the English and Japanese stereo options. Lots of mystical and adventure song sequences at light volumes, with very little in the way of ambient noises. Neither voice cast does a poor or memorable job.

The special features here are very lacking, typical for a fringe release from Geneon. There are four simple, one-sentence character profiles, textless ending and opening clips, three Geneon previews and DVD credits. All-in-all, very bland, but hey, so's the show. Can't say I blame anyone for the lack of extras on this DVD. I had little interest in going through them after the show.

The menu scrolls to different options like a comic book, and actually looks very cool. There's also a nice-looking, double-sided poster board included. Why couldn't Geneon do that with Paranoia Agent?

Star Ocean EX is a big bag of regurgitated nonsense. It tries to be a video game, an action adventure saga, a slapstick comedy and a road trip romance all at once, and isn't successful at any of it. I keep thinking I've seen specific scenes before in other anime. It's almost like every stale concept was scrapped together into a now-10 episode dung heap. I think I'll look for those other shows in the collection, maybe watch everything I own all over again, before this second volume of Star Ocean EX finds its way back in the DVD player. Skip It.