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Skin Eating Jungle Vampires
It can sometimes be a challenge to review a movie like Skin Eating Jungle Vampires. One doesn't want to seem too critical, or unappreciative of the sacrifices and drive of independent filmmakers. It's just that there's so little to praise here. This is a film with almost no merit whatever.
The film opens with a lightly clad young lady, Tiffany (Violet Sweet), hiking through the jungles of Costa Rica, accompanied by copious amounts of stock footage. She is stalked by even more scantily clad young women, who drag her through the ground, grope her, and drag her off to what seems to be certain doom. We are then filled in on some back story, namely that the eponymous jungle vampires are aliens from Clitoria. (Yes, Clitoria.) It's a planet of mostly women, and some disaster occurred on the instance of them displeasing their dark god. Mr. Creepo is their leader, and in a bit of metaphysical wonderment, also directs the film along with Timothy Beckley. The Clitorians have turned to drinking human blood, and are gearing up to wed some unlucky woman to their dark god, who has promised to give them dominion over the earth or some ridiculous thing.
Enter Carla (Carla Anderson), Tiffany's sister. Carla fears that Tiffany is in trouble, and heads off to Costa Rica to search for her. And to play around in the surf and sunbathe, of course. One must have priorities. Carla blunders around, consults a witch doctor, hires a boat, and wanders at random around searching for her sister. At times we are treated to Carla's stream of consciousness narration via what sounds like a Dictaphone, commenting on whatever happens to cross her path. The film is quite disconnected, with long establishing stock footage shots intercut with the vampire girls slathering themselves with blood and engaging in pathetic soft-core lesbianism. Eventually, Carla gets snatched up by Mr. Creepo, who has been following her, and is forced to have simulated sex with her sister. Why? Evidently, the producers found it sexy. More action, attempted sacrifices, escapes and adventure ensue.
There is a long list of faults, but almost nothing to praise here. Skin Eating Jungle Vampires is cheaply made, poorly acted, sloppily written and technically inept. Continuity errors are common. Carla's top is off, then magically back on moments later, even though she is speeding through the jungle pursued by Mr. Creepo, and one presumes would not have time to put a bikini top on. The film is padded with stock footage, and barely makes sense. One supposes it was trying to achieve the kind of sexy / silly low budget nirvana that Fred Olen Ray was able to achieve with films such as Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers or Bad Girls from Mars. But Ray actually possesses some filmmaking talent, hampered as it may be by tight budgets. No such talent is discernible here, and the occasional bare breast and clumsily executed gore don't make up for the lack of basic craft. This is a failure of a film. Skip it.
The video is presented in 1.78:1 widescreen, and has some issues. It appears to have been shot on video, and has a lot of aliasing among other things. However, this review is based on a check disc, so no comment can be made on the quality of the final product.
The audio is Dolby digital 2 channel, and is mediocre at best. At times, dialogue does not sync up to the mouths of the speakers on screen, but this may have been intentional. No subtitles or alternate language tracks are included. However, this review is based on a check disc, so no comment can be made on the quality of the final product.
A few minutes of outtakes and behind the scenes footage is included, along with trailers for additional Mr. Creepo films. However, this review is based on a check disc, so no comment can be made on the quantity or quality of extras on the final product.
Skin Eating Jungle Vampires tries to be a breast filled horror comedy, but doesn't succeed. There are few to no laughs, limited gore of low quality, an incomprehensible story and poor performances. There is barely any entertainment value, even for the hardcore gore hound. This is a film to avoid.