Deathstalker
New Concorde // R // $9.98 // October 23, 2001
Review by G. Noel Gross | posted February 21, 2002
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Short Takes

A blond brute by the name of Deathstalker (Rick Hill) gets henpecked into a heroic quest by a fussy old witch who's all a twitter about the newest evil sorcerer on the block. She's got a whole riddle-addled wrap about the Three Powers of Creation and how Deathstalker should collect them all before supplies run out. First he trudges into a creepy cave to gab with a garish-looking muppet who used to be human 'til he got ala-kazam'd by Munkar (Bernard Erhard). This small talk turns to fisticuffs before our hero wins possession of a fancy battle sword containing one of the three lauded powers. On the road to Munkar's castle in search of the other two, Deathstalker picks up a few stragglers, including a swordschick (Lana Clarkson) who stirs his loincloth with her brazenly-exposed and melon-heavy charms. Meanwhile, being an immortal sorcerer gives Munkar a lot of time for his dastardly deeds such as plucking a kid's eyeball out and feeding it to a slimy critter that looks like a partially digested polecat. He also schemes up this round robin hiney-whuppin' contest to kill off potential rivals, er, to see who gets to be heir to his throne. It's there that Deathstalker comes face-to-snout with an overgrown and mighty surly PIG-man while angling toward completing his supernatural collection and, oh yeah, saving the world. Playboy phenom Barbi Benton has an equally unpleasant encounter with Porky during the floor-show portion of a pre-game orgy. Three sequels followed with Mr. Hill returning for Deathstalker IV: Match of Titans and, of course, CineSchlockers may also ogle Ms. Clarkson in the bondage-friendly Barbarian Queen flicks. 16 breasts. 32 corpses. High-speed peasant pull. Amazing migratory tattoo. Mud rasslin'. Baddie drawn and quartered. Brave Sir Deathstalker mumbles, "Heros and fools are the same thing."

1983, 76 minutes, Fullframe, Trailers, Bios.

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G. Noel Gross is a Dallas graphic designer and avowed Drive-In Mutant who specializes in scribbling B-movie reviews. Noel is inspired by Joe Bob Briggs and his gospel of blood, breasts and beasts.


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