Half Past Dead
Columbia/Tri-Star // PG-13 // November 15, 2002
Review by Todd Siechen | posted November 18, 2002
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Just how many times does it take a guy diving across the screen in slow motion while firing a gun in each hand and an explosion going off behind him with bullets flying everywhere before it just gets difficult to keep from laughing? It's a shame to watch Steven Seagal fade back into film oblivion with material like this. He is capable of delivering so much more when given the right circumstances. I have really enjoyed many of his films but lately it seems like he is only seen in small roles or given 2nd rate scripts to read. Even in the scenes with Seagal doing his thing with the Martial Arts it's so dark you can barely see the action! Could this be because it was actually a *gasp* body double?

In "Half Past Dead" Steven Seagal plays Sascha Petrosevitch who is apparently an FBI agent undercover although it's never clear as to what his real name is or if he has one. He befriends Nick Frazier (played by Ja Rule) and gets thrown in the new Alcatraz Island jail with him to apparently deepen their friendship in order to get Nick to trust Sascha even more. Also with them in Jail is a death row inmate who happens to know where 200 million in gold is stashed. Donny 49er (Morris Chestnut) comes in with full S.W.A.T. team to take over the prison and get the inmate to give up the location of the gold. His team threatens to kill a supreme court judge who happens to be on Alcatraz for the execution of this inmate, but ultimately its up to Seagal and Ja Rule to save the day with plenty of machismo and tired one-liners that had most of the audience just laughing.

Oh, I almost forgot about the movie's sexpot, 49er Six (played by Nia Peeples) who wears a long black trench coat (surprise surprise!) and enough blue eye shadow to paint a mural of the undersea world of Jacques Cousteau. She has the equivalent martial arts abilities and requisite acrobatic skills to make you wonder if she came off the set of a Washowski brothers movie being shot next door.

Summary: This film was just a waste of time. We have seen it before so many times over with different interchangeable faces and props that I want to stuff this garbage down the hollywood executives throats and yell at them to get a clue. Save your money for the dentist as this film is far more painful and pathetic. Skip it!!

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