Call Girl of Cthulhu
Camp Motion Pictures // Unrated // September 15, 2015
Review by Kurt Dahlke | posted October 6, 2015
Highly Recommended
E - M A I L
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Call Girl Of Cthulhu:
Writer/director Chris LaMartina's punning title adds just one word to author H.P. Lovecraft's original 'The Call Of Cthulhu', changing the feel and flow of the title so much you'd almost have to be squinting to get the joke. LaMartina also changes the feel of Lovecraft's Elder Gods mythology, pretty much completely; the jokes come thick and you don't have to squint at all. Smooth, assured, funny, sexy and gory, Call Girl reps LaMartina's current brain-melting transformation into Horror Comedy King.

We find Carter, (David Phillip Carollo) a lonely, geeky boy. An artist saving himself for the right girl, while living with cute goth musician Erica Zann. Erica (Nicolette le Faye) treats Carter poorly, though, having loud sex with her boyfriend Rick at all hours. Carter stares wistfully out his window, eventually making eye contact with Riley, (Melissa O'Brien) an escort who represents true love to the lonesome loser. Meantime, Sebastian Suydum, (David Gamble) is on the lookout for the titular call girl, one who will aid in opening a portal to the realm of the Elder Gods, while killing with gory abandon all those hookers who don't meet the criteria. Will Suydum find his ho? Will Carter find true love? Will you find oodles of syrupy blood splashing bare boobs? Outlook: good.

LaMartina and writer/producer Jimmy George have Call Girl completely dialed in: cinematography and editing are smooth and stylish, comedy delivered with surety, gore cheap but exuberant, budget minimal but squeezed for everything it's got. Like the previous Book Of Lore, this movie knows exactly what it is, (a sex/gore/comedy for those asking, and isn't that a fine genre to be?) comporting itself with the utmost professionalism. For a while during Call Girl I worried that LaMartina and George had reached such a level of polish that the edge was gone, but then 'Rick The Dick' appears, his member infected with the eldritch STD, and I relaxed a little.

The last thirty minutes comprise non-stop hilarious, bloody-slimy sex comedy with exploding heads; exactly what the horror fan needs. Though LaMartina and George wisely ramp up the comedy slowly, allowing the characters to breathe and develop. Carter and Erica's relationship, for example, becomes nuanced and sweet before exploding into tentacles. Meantime, delight in choice bits like a pimp introducing some hookers, "We got 'Cherry Pie', 'Honey Melons', and my personal favorite, 'Jerusalem Artichoke'!" Or complete a-hole Rick giving Carter a list for the corner store, "Pick up some Magnums. They don't call me 'The Dick' for nothing!"

Faces are sliced off by bad music, hookers introduce Johns to the pleasures of hyper-dimensional Crabs, love blooms in the chaos, and jaded genre fans catch the next wave. LaMartina and George craft smart, crass, funny, and profane horror, sloppy as hell (we even get that staple of Lovecraft movies, a stationary lump of flesh with tentacles and a tiny face) but completely rewarding. Highly Recommended for those looking for a bright light in Indie Horror.


Call Girl Of Cthulhu comes at ya like tentacles from someone's face, in this sharp 1.78:1 widescreen ratio, 1080p, AVC encoded high-def transfer. The digital source translates to Blu-ray with super clarity and vivid colors, sporting deep black levels and tight details. You can tell this was produced on a low budget, but it doesn't look like it.

Dolby Digital 2.0 Stereo Audio is your only option for sound. Aside from cool dimensionality when aliens are ripping faces, audio for Call Girl is just average. Dialog is sometimes low and muddy (especially in open sequences) but otherwise mixed OK. Music and dialog are generally mixed together nicely, and there's no distortion present in all, an adequate but not exceptional audio experience, with one minor flaw to stand out from the crowd.

Camp Motion Pictures packs this release with extras, as they often do. You can start buy using an included Order Form for a 22" x 32" Call Girl Of Cthulhu poster! You may also enjoy everything included on the Blu-ray, on a Bonus DVD for when you can't get enough tentacle stuff. Camp then lards the cellar with numerous Trailers for Call Girl and other releases, pretty much all of which look similarly gory and entertaining.

But of course there are 'real' extras too, including not one but Two Commentary Tracks. First up, LaMartina and George lead us through a very thorough and thoroughly entertaining scene specific commentary track, which is well worth the price of admission. The second commentary track finds LaMartina grilling his three principals about their cradle-to-slimy-grave experiences on the movie; also a fine, fine commentary track. Lights! Tentacles! Action! The Making Of Call Girl Of Cthulhu spews 20-minutes of BTS footage and fun, so you can know just how those faces were ripped off, and stuff like that. Dunwhich Whorers: The Outtakes Of Cthulhu gives you 7-minutes of the good stuff, because you know you like bloopers as much as anybody. Finishing off the set, you get Kickstarter Videos, produced by LaMartina and George, as they were trying to raise the $25k needed to lense their splatterpiece. (A mere pittance, which looks like way more on screen.) These videos, about a minute or two each, combine smarts and hilarity in equal measure, including "My 5-Year-Old Niece Explains Cthulhu", which is the cutest thing you've ever seen.

Final Thoughts:
Chris LaMartina and Jimmy George craft smart, crass, funny, and profane horror with this sloppy as hell sex 'n' horror opus. It's completely rewarding for the right crowd. Highly Recommended for those looking for a bright light in Indie Horror.

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