Rodentz: SE
Artisan // R // $19.98 // August 19, 2003
Review by G. Noel Gross | posted October 31, 2003
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If New Line's Willard remake represents the zenith of rat wrangling, well, this doesn't. In Rodentz (spelled that way because the letter "S" is, you know, so play'd out, dawg) we've got petshop rats with fishing line yanking them onto two feet and guys standing off camera rattling cages so said beasties appear "angry." What's worse? That's even money between the final reel's guy-in-a-Chuck E. Cheese getup or the 14 looped frames of rodent CGI (including closeups!) that make Asteroids look like Vice City. All that'd be ENDEARING to many creature feature enthusiasts if not for the Yawnsville story about a gaggle of cookie-cutter college kiddos who decide to get their party started at an abandoned building where a disgraced professor is trying to cure cancer by juicing lab rats full of glowing green goo a la Re-Animator. This "Rejenacyn" is a recipe for disaster, especially if one happens to wander down to the basement, make a lot of unnecessary racket and courteously LAY DOWN so infected varmints can do what comes natural. CineSchlockers will find this one on shelves next to two other new rodent rentals -- the made-for-TV The Rats (with Madchen Amick in distress) and the Bulgaria-lensed Killer Rats (with Ron Perlman as a doomed shrink). Two breasts. Six corpses. Ol' rat-in-the-gas-mask gag. One bloodied pussy cat. Stolen swarm sounder from Piranha. Boozing. Amputation AND decapitation. Peek-a-boo panties. Voluntary electrocution. Gratuitous flashback sequence FROM DANG-NEAR THE SAME SCENE!!! Killer rat cam. Gary's unheeded suggestion might've saved the flick: "How about we play a little 'haunted lab' strip poker?" (2001, 90 mins, Fullframe, DD 2.0, Crew commentary.)

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G. Noel Gross is a Dallas graphic designer and avowed Drive-In Mutant who specializes in scribbling B-movie reviews. Noel is inspired by Joe Bob Briggs and his gospel of blood, breasts and beasts.


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