Short Takes

Leave it to David Cronenberg to make a bloodsucking horror epic, yet defang his femme fatale in favor of his own bizarro innovation -- ARMPIT VAMPIRISM -- and turn the whole thing into a biting comment on such seemingly disparate subjects as pay-as-you-go vanity to mankind's general proclivity to go absolutely ape poopie in a crisis. Pornstar-next-door Marilyn Chambers had just slinked into a luscious little leather number before a backwoods joyride with her biker beau suddenly became a fiery disaster. Pinned and horribly burned beneath the wreckage, she's whisked three pastures over to sort of a Club Med for plastic surgery enthusiasts where she's an opportune subject for Dr. Keloid (Howard Ryshpan) and his experimental skin grafting procedure. Works like a charm! Trouble is, Ms. Marilyn wakes mighty hungry and with a consuming urge to strip nekkid and give every man, woman and barn animal she sees a great, big HUG!!! Not because she's gone all flower child on us, no, because she's sprouted an auxillary orifice resembling a cat's ass from which a razor-sharp, plasma-slurping phallus darts out during amorous entanglements. Doesn't get more Cronenbergian than that! Worse, her suitors are then turned into RABID CANNIBALS who can't quite emulate the latter-day Typhoid Mary's silky bedside manner. Wholesale Canadian chaos naturally ensues and a tragic love story is born. CineSchlockers should prepare to bask amid the near Criterion-quality presentation thanks to a particularly enthralling commentary AND a half-hour sit-down with Mr. Cronenberg whose professorly insights are refreshingly peppered with wry giggles. Two breasts. 20 corpses. Ear munching. Machine gun Santacide. Finger carving. Multiple diddling. Puking. Gratuitous breathalyzer test. Doc Keloid practices foaming at the mouth: "I sure as hell don't want to become the Colonel Sanders of plastic surgery!" (1977, 90 mins, 1.77:1 non-anam, DD 2.0, Commentary, Interview, Photos, Trailers.)