Playboy: Sexiest Amateur Home Videos doesn't have any of that stuff. It's just a collection of homemade videos from a bunch of extremely sexy Playboy hopefuls. Seems that these videos all go into a big pile over at Playboy, and it's from this pile that the magazine chooses the gals for their "Girl Next Door" pictorials - and for videos like Sexiest Amateur Home Videos.

It's like R-rated porn, basically; you can expect to see a healthy handful of heavenly honies who strip down to the birthday suits ... but that's as far as it goes. I'm not saying you'll want to watch this disc with your grandmother, but, all things considered in this smut-laden universe, it's pretty chaste stuff.

Alyssa Lovelace, Jalena Jansen, Verneesha Shea, Marisa Renee, Anika Knudsen, Sasha Singleton, Liza Hartling, Jessica Kershner, Giana Taylor, and Ashley Puida are the ladies on (full) display, so if you're in the mood for some good wholesome female nakedness, knock yourself out. But do yourself a favor and consider watching the thing on mute. The ladies have a knack for declaring their affection for "walks on the beach" and "guys with a sense of humor," and we all know that outright lies aren't all that sexy. Plus there's only so often you can hear a gal explain why "my breasts" are "my favorite part of my body."

The DVD

Video: Since you're watching the sort of homemade videos that the Handycam was invented for, you can expect the Fullscreen transfer to deliver quality ranging from 'fuzzy and splotched' to 'wow, she's really naked.' Imagine you had a homemade videotape of ten naked ladies; would the picture quality really matter all that much?

Audio: Not that the WORDS really matter all that much, but they are delivered in a Dolby Digital 2.0 Stereo track. I think I could hear a few birds chirping while Marisa writhed naked by the poolside.

Extras:

Photo Shoots - Footage from the (considerably glossier) Playboy shoots for Liza (2:14), Sasha (1:52), and Anika (1:47).

Screen Tests - Jelena (2:10) gets nekkid on a pirate ship while Alyssa (2:57) does it at a drive-in.

Playboy TV's "Sexy Girls Next Door" - Wild Things (26:01) - Chafera McMillan, Salina Satterblom, and Kristin Jackson compete, using only their birthday suits, to see who'll get to share their wares in the next issue of Playboy. (Hint: one of the nude girls wins.)

Photo Gallery - Well, duh. It's a Playboy video.

Trailers - If you've been seriously contemplating the purchase of Women of Fear Factor, America's Sexiest Bartenders, 2005 Video Playmate Calendar, 50 Years of Playmates, or Playboy's No Boys Allowed 2, well then these trailers might just help you make up your mind.

Final Thoughts

Unless maybe you came across one of the aforementioned gals in a Playboy pictorial and instantly became a lifelong fan, there's not much to recommend in this goofy little skin-fest. I mean, if you're gonna drop a 20 on something exclusively sex-laden, you could probably just head on over to the porno aisle and get your groove on with the real deal. Fellas, am I right?