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I absolutely adore sharks. Books, documentaries, fictional stores, and the always blissful "Shark Week" on The Discovery Channel -- I devour 'em all like I'm the world's hungriest Mako. There's just something primally fascinating and sleekly beautiful about these creatures that I find endlessly appealing. Plus they're really scary.
And you can pretty much bet the the B-movie mavens over at Nu Image Films love the shark as well, because these professional schlocksters have dipped their collective toe into the water more than a few times. Shark Attack, Shark Zone, Shark Attack 2, Hammerhead: Shark Frenzy, and Shark Attack 3: Megalodon have all poured forth from the Nu Image pipeline, and yes, these are precisely the sort of movies you'd classify as "so bad they're good." Rarely deviating from their low-budget formulae of "questionable science performed by has-been actors who are soon to be devoured by massive fish," the Nu Image low-grade gravy train just keeps churnin' em out. (Fans of nature in general will be thrilled to learn that Nu Image has also produced such camp-tastic cornballs as Spiders, Crocodile, Octopus, Spiders 2: Breeding Ground, Crocodile 2: Death Swamp, Octopus 2: River of Death, and the hilariously titled Mansquito.)
So I told you all that so I could tell you this: Nu Image has a new flick hitting your DVD shelves soon, and it's called Raging Sharks. And no, it's not a boxing movie. The movie stars Corin Nemec, Corbin Bernsen, and Vanessa Angel -- or as I call them: Parker Lewis, The Dentist, and that amazingly hot chick from Kingpin.
The opening scenes of Raging Sharks confused me quite a bit. The flick opens with a collision between two massive spaceships ... and I found myself thinking "Did they send me the wrong disc? What do alien spaceships have to do with sharks eating the guy from Major League?" But then I saw the plot: The outer space collision unleashes some sort of pod or capsule or general doo-hickey sort of thing ... and said item promptly enters our atmosphere, heads directly towards a wide-open ocean, and immediately plows through the deck of a small ship, effectively destroying it in the process.
And then we head under the surface. The setting is an undersea laboratory of some sort called "Oshona," whereas on the back of the DVD case it's referred to as "Oceania." Weird. Anyway, we're introduced to your standard variety-pack of characters / eventual shark food. Nemec plays head science geek Mike Olsen; Ms. Angel is his wife. Bernsen is the naval officer in charge of the rescue mission that's required after two of the "Oshona" crew become snack items to a massive great white that, for some bizarre reason, roars like a tiger while hunting its prey.
Meanwhile, up on the surface, the Navy keeps plopping divers into the ocean, each of whom gets eaten quicker than you can say "Dude, there's sharks in that water; Stop sending the divers in." Oh, and did I mention that all of this takes place in the Bermuda Triangle and that the alien capsule (remember the alien capsule) is what's causing all these sharks to acquire a communal case of the mega-munchies?
Oh, and then there's the screenplay. From Les Weldon, the master wordsmith who gave us Point of Impact, Cause of Death, and City of Fear, comes a barrage of dialogue that could accurately be described as the textbook example of unintentional hilarity. Try these ones on for size:
"I've got a bad feeling about these orange particles that we've collected."
"He wants you to fire a torpedo into the sharks. If you don't, he'll die."
"Yeah, you better run! Cuz I'm comin' lookin'!"
"You know what, Mike? If it weren't for this stupid bitch here that you call your wife, we wouldn't be in this situation!!!"
Basically, the flick's hilarious. It's stuffed with sharks that growl, people who get eaten, lots of dismembered limbs, two of the slowest torpedoes ever caught on film, more stock footage than you can shake a dorsal fin at, and submarines that, curiously, sound exactly like a WB Road Runner cartoon, and enough arbitrary devourings to satisfy even the hungriest shark fanatic.
In short: Raging Sharks is precisely as bad at you'd expect the next piece of Nu Image assemblage to be -- which means it's also a lot of good, goofy, C-level, schlock-O-rama fun. I certainly wouldn't recommend Raging Sharks in the same way that I'd recommend, say, a good movie -- but if you're a bottom-feeding movie geek who loves to giggle at the oddly charming cinematic ineptitude while watching a massive school of sharks get their buffet on ... Raging Sharks is a laugh-laden wank-fest that you'll absolutely want to rent.
Video: A surprisingly crisp and only slightly grainy Widescreen transfer.
Audio: Dolby Digital 5.1 Surround, which allows the shark roars come through loud, clear, and hilariously. Optional subtitles are available in Spanish.
Extras: Just a few trailers.
C'mon, I bet it's been at least a month since you've seen a movie about ravenous sharks turned loco by the appearance of a radioactive alien space nugget from beyond Mars.