As far as my research will indicate, Crime Broker is a made for Aussie TV production from 1993 that stars Jacqueline Bisset as a magistrate who moonlights as a high-end crime organizer. By day she sentences creeps to jail, but by night she's getting involved in bank heists, armored-car stickups, and (eventually) one unplanned murder.

Does that synopsis sound particularly thrilling to you? If so, feel free to track down the brand-new Koch Vision DVD release of Crime Broker. Me? I feel like I just got done watching a really boring made-for-Aussie-TV flick starring Jacqueline Bisset from 1993.

Director Ian Barry stages his story with all the craftsmanship and creativity of a professional box-cutter. Crime Broker lays out precisely what it's going to be in the first 20 minutes, and then spends the next 85 reminding you of it. Oh sure, there's one half-decent surprise that involves an Asian criminologist who stops by to help solve some of the crimes, but that moment happens pretty early, and Crime Broker has nothing else to offer throughout Acts II & III.

Fans of the lovely Ms. Bisset may have a little place in their heart for the dry chore that is Crime Broker, but anyone who has seen more than, say, 15 movies in their life will be able to predict where this flick is going from the opening scenes. It's a pretty standard and formulaic affair from the word Go, and it's Ms. Bisset's sultry presence that makes the thing even remotely watchable.

The DVD

Video: It's a fairly crisp full frame transfer, all things considered.

Audio: Dolby Digital 2.0, with no subtitles.

Extras: Nary a one.

Final Thoughts

There's a reason I generally avoid made-for-TV movies (unless they star giant squid, satanic canines, or schools of man-eating sharks), and Crime Broker encapsulates the reasons why; it's very dry, extremely predictable, dramatically inert, and exceedingly generic in every department. Basically, this one's for the Bisset-addicts only.