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Bare Behind Bars
The folks who run Blue Underground were probably searching the internet, on the hunt for a quote they could use on the cover of their Bare Behind Bars DVD. And since BBB is a rather obscure and justifiably forgotten Brazilian "chicks in prison" exploitationer, those Blue Underground folks didn't have a whole lot of reviews to choose from. But they found one:
"Chicks-in-Prison Flick That Will Make You Need a Shower!" -- Scott Weinberg, eFilmCritic.com
That's the quote you'll find emblazoned across the Bare Behind Bars DVD cover, and while it's a goofy little thrill to be quoted so prominently, this is an astonishingly bad piece of grindhouse filmmaking. But the fact that the distributor chose that quote, as opposed to simply using no quote at all, tells me that Blue Underground has a snarky sense of humor where Bare Behind Bars is concerned. And boy does this flick need it.
Here's the review from where the blurb sprung:
Bare Behind Bars (a.k.a. A Prisão) isn't just one of those mindless "chicks-in-prison" flicks; it may be the original blueprint! (NOTE: That's the quote they used for the back of the DVD case. I'm famous!)
Enjoyable solely to those who enjoy seeing elaborate forms of naked female degradation or those trying to gauge precisely how low the cinematic medium can sink, Bare Behind Bars is the opposite of a refreshing shower. Released in the U.S. in 1980 (with an X rating to boot), this one makes movies like Chained Heat, Caged Fury, and Reform School Girls look like the original Star Wars trilogy.
More a series of painful and dingy sequences of sex and humiliation than anything resembling an actual story, Bare Behind Bars parades its requisite components with an assembly-line regularity: evil she-bitch lesbian wardens, virginal newcomers experiencing their first tastes of reluctant cunnilingus, whips, shackles, sex slaves, brutal brawls, a few large tables you'd never want to eat off of, and a gaggle of freaky naked ladies. Throw all these ingredients into a dank dungeon, light the whole production with a few dedicated flashlights, and slap a lurid cover on the video box! (Wow, kinda creepy huh?)
If my criticisms seem a bit extreme, you could attribute that to my overwhelming hatred for the whole "chicks in prison" sub-genre. Those who get a devious little thrill from this form of entertainment (and I'm certainly not judging) will certainly want to search this obscure little flick out. Probably closest in attitude and content to the world-infamous Ilsa: She-Wolf of the SS series, Bare Behind Bars is one of the grimiest experiences I've ever withstood ... which means it may be the finest film ever made of this decidedly unsavory variety.
Video: With its anamorphic widescreen (1.66:1) transfer, Bare Behind Bars, a flick that's lower than hardcore porn, now has a better DVD presentation than most real movies do.
Audio: Just like most of the chicks onscreen, the audio's got mono written all over it.
Extras: Just the kooky old theatrical trailer. (Hey, Blue Underground, I would've done an audio commentary for free.)
Still unsure if Bare Behind Bars is for you? Some of the chapter titles are "Full Body Search," "Nude Aerobics," "Fun in the Shower," "Razor Retrieval," and "Fingered." So now you know. If, however, you really dig the sleazy stuff, Bare Behind Bars should be right up your alley. Just don't let any women know you watch this stuff.