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Mummy's Kiss: Second Dynasty

Other // Unrated // October 3, 2006
List Price: $19.98 [Buy now and save at Amazon]

Review by Scott Weinberg | posted October 26, 2006 | E-mail the Author
The Movie

What a strange and amusingly colorful career David F. Glut has had: He went to college with George Lucas, penned the novelization for The Empire Strikes Back, wrote lots of comic books, and worked on such after-school staples as Land of the Lost, He-Man, The Transformers, and G.I. Joe.

Nowadays Don writes and directs unbelievably bad soft-core porn flicks like Mummy's Kiss 2: Second Dynasty.

A virtually plotless mess of a movie, MK2 is "about" a mousy lady curator who uses the sexy power of mummyism to grow younger, sexier, and more attractive to the throngs of fake-hootered lesbians who, strangely, possess an unexpected interest in ancient Egyptian relics. Honestly, that's all just a flimsy excuse for displaying a half-dozen women in various stages of extreme undress and lesbianic bliss -- which would be fine if A) the ladies were particularly attractive, B) the sex scenes were even remotely sexy, and C) there wasn't so much awful dialogue being flung around the set.

When the flick focuses on forwarding its own meager plot, the results are disastrous: Actors who can't speak, lighting that's not lit, plot points cribbed from a 4th grade Halloween pageant. It's all a big chore, frankly. And as far as the sexy scenes go, hoo boy. Let's just say I found myself in the rare activity of FFing through the lesbian lovemaking. Strange but true.

Again, I must admit my total confusion on the subject of soft-core porn. My thinking is that if you want to enjoy some porn (for whatever reasons), you're considerably better off renting some hardcore smut flick than a jiggle-heavy groin-tease like this one. I mean, is it less humiliating to bring Mummy's Kiss 2 to the checkout counter than to simply purchase a grade-A piece of bona-fide pornography? I say no. Real porn is better is better than this stuff. And that includes the writing, the acting, and the cinematography, too.

The DVD

Video: It's letterboxed, which helps to make the flick seem like an actual movie -- but not all that much.

Audio: Dolby 5.1 or 2.0; I couldn't notice the difference, really. Flick sounds like it was recorded inside a shoe box.

Extras: There's a 10-minute behind the scenes featurette that clearly indicates how quick, cheaply, and drably this tit-flick was slapped together. Mr. Glut does a fine job of pretending he's been making an actual movie, but he's not fooling anyone.

Rounding out the platter is a trailer, a photo gallery, and some lyrics to "The Mummy's Wrap." Nyuk nyuk.

Final Thoughts

The good news: There's LOTS of bare hooters in this flick. The bad news: Most of 'em are like something out of that website that highlights really awful plastic surgery.

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