Not everything was bad, mind you. No one is saying "Pulp Fiction" was blasé or that "Clerks" lacked vision. But for every one of those, 100 so-so movies that wanted to be like their genre-defining heroes came along and laid on the screen like they had Epstein-Barr.

So pity Coming Soon. the tale of three confused high school girls who just want to have an orgasm.

Wait a second? An orgasm? What happened to girls searching for love or even a guy worth of sex? Not there, folks. These girls can have all they want, it's just not good enough.

The Movie

The protagonist is Stream Hodsell (Bonnie Root), a semi-wealthy Manhattanite who is trying to keep up with her stylish, rich and snobby friends Jenny (Gaby Hoffman) and Nell (Tricia Vessey).

After being deflowered by rich jerk Chad (James Roday, "Psyche"), she confesses to her friends that it wasn't all she thought it would be.

Rather than telling her the truth – that they, too, have lived orgasm-free – they make her feel stupid and inferior by bragging about their many and varied climaxes.

Jenny at least looks like she'd be getting off with her beau Louie (a barely there Ashton Kutcher), but she's so shallow she's probably just trying to make the sex look good in case somebody was watching.

Nell, on the other hand, has a boyfriend who everybody thinks is gay. He might as well be, as Nell has no interest in him at all, leaving the room coughing when they try to make out.

Since it's the end of their senior year, all of this sexual inadequacy is getting mixed up with classism and money woes, as revealed when the students meet with Mr. Jennings (a woefully under-used Spalding Gray), who brags about how many of his students get into the Ivy Leagues.

The only one who doesn't seem to care is Henry Lipschitz (Ryan Reynolds). Born a Rockefeller, Henry changed his name so he could make it on his own.

That individuality draws in Stream, but repels her friends. It becomes clear as the movie progresses that it's nothing Henry has done, so much as what the girls cannot do. Jenny cannot be happy with herself and Nell is conflicted about who she is, so they tear at Henry to keep him away from Stream while pushing her towards the narcissistic and manipulative Chad.

Also vexing Stream is her parents' divorce. Her mom (Mia Farrow) is reeling from the split and has sought refuge as an artist. Her father (Ryan O'Neal) is too busy ruining the company he built with his ex-wife and trying to placate his new wife (Yasmine Bleeth).

The real focus here is Stream cutting through what everybody else wants for her – the rich boyfriend, the right school, the right attitude – and going after what she wants. If it sounds hackneyed, you're right, especially when you consider what she "really wants" is a different rich guy, albeit a nicer one.

Thoughts on the Film

Coming Soon, unfortunately, can't make up its mind between the two and never gives much of an emotional punch or a comedic one.

That's not to say there's no comedy within. James Roday's performance as Chad is a stitch. Whether it's his unsubtle move to get Stream in position for oral sex or trying to convince her how good their sex feels after they've both taken E – here's a hint: she's talking about the plush carpeting – most of the comedy comes there.

As for the drama, the only well-drawn character is Jenny. Hoffman does an admirable job as the unlikable one while still evoking sympathy. Jenny isn't the smartest or the coolest, but she pretends to be, in order to at least seem superior. Her constant worry about her weight is real, even as we know our concern isn't her weighing too much, but too little.

Why they bothered with Mia Farrow and Ryan O'Neal as her parents, I don't know. Farrow's main draw is as a funny face with unfunny lines and O'Neal is hardly in the movie. In fact, his character's biggest impact comes over the phone and you can't even hear him.

Like so many films of the late '90s, Coming Soon tries to be about something while being about nothing and achieves neither. It's tepid and lackluster, only saved by good performances from some lesser-name actors and actresses.

The Picture

The film was letterboxed, but not enhanced for widescreen TVs. Is it too much of a bother? I mean, even really bad movies can spring for full widescreen.

The colors are soft throughout, but that's likely more to do with set design than the film. Everything looks fine, clear and easy to see, with no artifacts or digitizing throughout.

The Sound

Presented in Dolby Digital stereo, Coming Soon can be heard, but it makes no impact. This is not a showcase disc by any means, but you won't miss any dialogue if you're paying attention.

The Extras

Extras? You think Lionsgate is going to spring for extras when they wouldn't even put the picture across the screen? No sir. There are no extras. There are Spanish subtitles and trailers for other films, but I find those on home movie DVDs.

Parting Thoughts...

Nobody looks at the camera or flubs lines. The picture doesn't fade into black in the middle of a scene or stray from the actors. Production-wise, Coming Soon is as good as most talky romance-comedy-dramas out there.

The story, however, is lame. The plot is a snooze and it's only the work of actors who have committed to their parts that makes it watchable. With no extras to speak of and a presentation that seems geared for a time when nobody had widescreen TVs, you can Rent It, but don't expect this movie to become a favorite. It's a Saturday afternoon movie at best, destined for your local CW station any day now.