Magazine journalist Al volunteers his services - for a five-thousand-dollar bonus - and those of his friend and soon-to-be fake wife Janice in order to uncover a blackmail ring that has been victimizing swingers. Clearly there is still good money in exposing sexual proclivities, and Al's gonna get it the legal way, by writing about it in the press. If he's lucky he may even 'get some' in another fashion, either from Janice or another swinging wife.

From an overeager husband, to a 'key party' (the wives pick keys blindfolded, and pair off with the male owners) and through even more randy ignominies our heroes travel. Janice, Al complains to his boss is "kinda sore about some guy almost 'raping' her," so he needs more time and money for the job. He may regret it as his quest ends him up in some real hot water, and not the 'bubble water' offered up by a pot smoking, LSD-eating Texan, either.

Unholy Matrimony cruises right along pleasantly, doling out intentional and anachronistic laughs in equal measure - somewhat sparingly. Even the knockers get knocked, being unleashed in relatively stingy fashion for a movie of this ilk. But on the other (free) hand, there's nothing to bum you out, man. A lovely mid-movie musical number by the very-'60s Beach Boy wannabes The Warmest Spring earnestly enchants, leaving you refreshed for the rest of the Perry Mason-style banter and frequently giddy overacting. (Check out that Texan or protagonist Al's ability to turn from cool everyday Joe to raving sex-maniac on short order, for example of a few highlights.)

My Third Wife George takes a less serious approach to showing square gents from the '60s a little T&A that they crave. Ralph Higbee makes our acquaintance as an heir to Big Florida Money who suffers as a sheltered mama's boy. Old and uncool, he spends his days living with mama and spying on the maid while she undresses. Out for a cruise one night, he winds up at a bar during closing time, managing to convince the bartender and the mysterious Doc Holliday to listen to his tales of woe.

First, three drug crazed hippie chicks attack him. Ralph, silly boy, resists until he's slipped a little LSD. From then on his affairs with women just seem to get worse as his new wife first strays, then brings home an attack gorilla.

Wife number two is no better, she can't trust Ralph, having him trailed by a devilish detective and foolish photographer. At least Ralph ends up copping a feel from his saucy secretary for his troubles.

Higbee avows to his captive audience that he's had it with women (who can blame him?). This leads to his titular third wife and the strong, strange conclusion that some people are just unlucky in love.

My Third Wife George seems to prefigure later 'Roughie' sex movies, mixing its goofball shenanigans with peril and violence. William Kerwin, as Higbee, has a delightful time mugging for the camera while playing his sweat-soaked, collar-loosening loser, he's almost likable! And the mini-parade of bra-brandishing wannabe starlets are fully enthusiastic and free.

Things go south in this South Florida quickie when too many minutes of the short run-time are wasted on static shots of cars cruising around and people standing in parking lots. The almost constant voice-over eliminates problems with location sound recording but distances the viewer from the hi-jinx. But in the end a chuckling contempt for humanity makes My Third Wife George a top-notch sexploitationer.

The DVD

Video:
Unholy Matrimony and My Third Wife George come to you unrated in their original 1.33:1 aspect ratios. They have been digitally remastered and look rather fantastic, sparse film damage, (except for a few weird spots in My Third Wife) no grain, no digital artifacting to speak of, and both are sharp and clean in black and white, with relatively deep black levels. Nice work from the ever wonderful Something Weird Video company.

Sound: Problems crop up in the audio department for Unholy Matrimony. Location sound is a bad sign off the bat, leading to the expected lulls during which someone was speaking into his collar or her massive cleavage. Further peril is encountered in the form of dropouts and other varying bits of muffled dialogue. Just keep the volume up a notch and you won't miss much. My Third Wife George sounds perfectly OK, owing to the fact that most of the audio is studio recorded voice-over work. Both features are presented in Dolby Digital Mono Audio.

Extras: Both features come on one sleaze-packed DVD, with trailers for the two features at about three minutes each and eight additional Sex'n'Marriage in Peril trailers (from wobbly black and white to sharp '60s color) for another 18 minutes. Four Vintage Americana Shorts including Engagement: Romance and Reality, a hilarious color 15 minute McGraw Hill educationer that proves you need to know more than the fact that your fiancé likes pizza. The scariest part is, it's all true! Next is Are You Ready For Marriage? Another 15 minutes of black and white instructional footage full of dreamy 1950s platitudes about emotional distance and whatnot. Also, all true! Marriage and Divorce is a 1959 Time Life educational tool of 14 minutes length, stiffly narrated and laying out the cold realities of marriage, like finding housing, since the newlyweds are straight out of their parents' homes, you know. And watch out for those fundamental fiscal differences! Also included is the Sixties Americana Short Florida's Film Factory, full of groovy go-go girls, eye-popping color, and generally seven minutes of laboriously narrated 'you can do it in Florida' rah-rah fun, with cameos by Gentle Ben and The Great One. Finally there's the stupendously stultifying 'Nekkid Home Movie Short,' Nudist Wedding, which is essentially five black and white minutes of nude people (from Bessie Sue to Grampaw - lots of Grampaws) slowwwly congratulating the naked couple - all to an old-timey soundtrack. But wait! There's also a groovy nine-minute auto slideshow of Sexploitation Ad Art (mostly lurid and mouth-watering magazine covers) featuring its own boom-chicka soundtrack. All the extras, save for the gallery, are watermarked with the SWV logo. Something Weird top-loads the disc with a two-minute ad for some of its other features, deftly assembled and leaving you slavering for more of Something Weird.

Final Thoughts:
Unholy Matrimony, a silly, sleazy sex-romp that actually takes it easy on the sex in order to tell its daft blackmail mystery story, will leave you chuckling and wanting more, but won't leave you feeling ripped off. If you're seeking out this type of movie, you know what to expect, casual sexism, boyish humor, and a safe exploration of the dark side, all packaged with barely-together élan. Uta Erickson fans may enjoy her brief turn here, while any appreciator of dorko '60s cinema made on the quick and cheap will get a gentle kick out of this, perfect for a night of popcorn and 'bubble water.'

My Third Wife George lays on a few more boobs and lots more comedy, but it also throws down a more grim attitude. Once again the square 'everyman' tries to control the sexual situations while appearing blameless and disingenuously pure. Nonetheless, it's mondo fun that will have you wondering if free love and cheap celluloid aren't markers of the beginning of the end for Western civilization. You'll also likely want to see more, more more!

Something Weird Video is the world leader of '50s - '70s exploitation packaging, and this double feature is no exception. For fans of the genre this is absolutely recommended.

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