Image Entertainment has released the thoroughly routine (and at times, ridiculous) Granada TV series, Murder City, an unsuccessful British import from 2004 (only ten episodes were produced) that tries to ape CSI, but succeeds in only reminding us that it's an inferior knock-off. And not a particularly distinguished knock-off, at that.

Special investigators Detective Inspector Susan Alembic (Amanda Donohoe) and Detective Sergeant Luke Stone (Kris Marshall) are the key investigators in one of London's inner city murder squads. Working on the toughest, most grisly cases, the strict, by-the-book Alembic is frequently at odds with her slightly askew, unconventional, brilliant sidekick. But together, their differences add up to a powerful crime-solving team, and with the help of co-workers Detective Inspector Adrian Dumfries (Geff Francis), Dr. Annie Parvez (Amber Agar), and boss Detective Chief Inspector Sebastian Turner (Tim Woodward), the pair track down the city's most despicable criminals.

Yes, it plays as clichéd as that read. There's nothing in Murder City that is in the least way original. We have the dedicated, screwed-down-tight, uptight female detective, who has to deal with the preternaturally boyish, decidedly brilliant, unconventional boy/man sidekick. We have the disdainful, competent detective, who derides the frequent screw-up Luke. We have the obligatory office romance. And we have the stereotypical hard-nosed, gruff, but deep down loveable, superior officer. Frankly, after that all-too-familiar role call of overplayed clichés, I wouldn't have been surprised if Kojak, Starsky and Hutch, and T.J. Hooker had walked in, as well.

And the plots, such as they are, play like warmed-over CSI and Law & Order episodes. It's not hard to tell that Murder City has nothing going for it in the script department, because we're constantly assaulted with various cinematic bells and whistles in the hopes of distracting us from the empty shell game the writers and producers are foisting on us. Ostentatious tricks like inexplicable slow motion, varying film and video formats, sudden jolts of loud techno music cues, extreme close-ups of pointless (and therefore "meaningful") objects, and sudden racks and zoom-ins (a particularly empty and useless technique) constantly buffet the viewer, trying to wash over the sketchy material.

The dramatic clichés abound, as well, including numerous phony, pregnant pauses between characters (to the point where you want to call out, "Line, dear?"), the calculated "quirkiness" of various suspects (he's strange looking...he must, therefore, be an evil genius), and of course, the "silent scream" of the murderer, as we're blasted with unconvincingly staged flashbacks and action scenes. As for Murder City's reliance on gore - and there's plenty of it - that pretty much sealed the deal for me. Don't get me wrong; I like gore. In horror films. Or when it's dramatically pertinent in a straight thriller. But Murder City wants me to like gore not just for gore's sake (which would be boring enough eventually), but because look: it's so red and drippy. In other words, it's the nth degree for Murder City to go for gore, when all the other bells and whistles fail to impress. There's a murder-by-crossbow in one of the episodes, where the camera lovingly stays on the victim's face, following the Kayro syrup and red food coloring slobbering out of his mouth, as it drips onto his dress shirt. Not only does it look ridiculously fake, there's zero point in having the camera staying on it so long, other than to encourage us to enjoy it flowing down the victim's face. Okay; if that's the only point - couldn't you have used better fake blood? If I'm going to be pandered to, could you at least convince me you really mean it? Incompetency on top of unoriginality equals a real dog in my book.

The acting doesn't exactly help Murder City, either. Donohoe, who evidently was on L.A. Law (I swear I don't remember her) has little to do but look stern and annoyed with her partner's shenanigans. And Marshall, with his somewhat distracting pop-eyed enthusiasm, can't convey even the simplest sense of uniqueness or originality to his supposed quite unique and original character. Chemistry, as they say, is also distinctly lacking between the two leads. The rest of the cast is rounded out by a few actors I've seen before, but who did nothing to make much of an impression on me. So much of Murder City is unfortunately similar to that: familiar elements making zero impact.

DISC ONE:

The Critical Path
A Goth teenager goes missing, while a businessman is crossbowed to death in his office.

Under the Skin
A skull found at a construction site reopens a years old rape and killing case when a woman steps forward and identifies the facial reconstruction of the skull, as her sister's attacker.

Happy Families
A Ukrainian baby smuggling operation is at the heart of a case involving a dead woman found dumped in a garbage skip.

DISC TWO:

Mr. Right
Who was the target of a double homicide involving a single bullet through the heads of both victims?

Big City, Small World
Kurds and Turks war on the streets of London, and a wealthy Turkish businessman falls victim to a drive-by shooting. Or did he?

Nothing Sacred
Why was an art dealer, who specialized in Islamic works, found in a submerged automobile?

DISC THREE:

Wives and Lovers
A young man, just about to be married, is killed when he says goodnight to his fiancé - and a woman, already strangled and dead, falls on top of him from his apartment roof.

Just Seventeen
Can two seemingly unrelated murders - that of a teenager in school and a man found tied to a tree - be somehow related?

DISC FOUR:

Death of a Ladies' Man
A sniper takes out a young man in his apartment, and it's up to Luke and Susan to crack the seemingly inexplicable murder.

Game Over
Two horrific crimes - a girl strangled at home and man found shot to death in his sleep - push Susan and Luke to the very edge professionally.

The DVD:

The Video:
The anamorphically enhanced, 1.78:1 widescreen image for Murder City is fine, if unspectacular. Colors tend to be muddy, but I'm guessing that's the intended look of the series. No noticeable transfer issues cropped up, although at times, the picture did go soft.

The Audio:
The Dolby Digital English 2.0 Surround stereo mix was adequate, but with the occasional heavy accents - and some bad miking during the primary shooting - close-captioning or subtitles would have been a plus.

The Extras:
There are no extras for Murder City.

Final Thoughts:
Clichés jazzed up for a sensation-dead audience. And pretty poor jazzing up, to boot. Murder City's cops may set out to solve crimes, but Murder City's writers, producers and directors murder every stock convention in the police/procedural gore genre. This did play once on BBC America; chances are it might show up again. If you must view everything that comes from British TV, then wait for it there, or break out some rental dough. But purchasing Murder City would be a crime. Skip it.