Short Takes

An utter disappointment. Only Robert Englund manages to shine within this dreck. A cargo plane carrying a value-sized python falls from the sky when the creature erupts from its crate to chow on the crew. The snake SURVIVES the crash and takes to gobbling lesbians and other hapless folks who wander the woods. A biking enthusiast who works with industrial-strength acid is originally suspected of the murders, as the snake projectile-pukes corrosive goo over his food. Mr. Englund is the scientist who wants to recapture the beast. Casper Van Dien (with a bizarre accent) is the government goon out to kill it. Among the snake bait are Playboy Playmate Jenny McCarthy who pays for making dork-o faces and Star Trek's Wesley Crusher for having purple hair. Four breasts. 13 corpses. Gratuitous urination. Drooling. Shaky-snake cam. Gratuitous Richard Simmons joke. Dr. Rudolph belabors the point, "This is not some garden snake you're going after. We are talking about a perfect killing machine: a 129-foot all-terrain vehicle capable of speeds exceeding 50 miles an hour with skin that can deflect an anti-tank round, enhanced night vision and a voracious appetite for human flesh. It will slaughter your men before they have a chance to blink." First-time director Richard Clabaugh, CGI guys Andrew Hoffman and Kevin Little provide an fantastic audio commentary, as it actually EXPLAINS what the hell went wrong with this movie. Recommended.

2000, 100 minutes, Widescreen (1.85:1), Commentary, Outtakes, Trailers.