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Motocross Zombies from Hell
Did Richard Lewis really coin the phrase 'from hell' as in 'The Date From Hell' etc? If so, did he know that it was going to be tacked on to the titles of innumerable cruddy movies as an inadvertent warning to viewers to stay away? I hope to hear from some of you with some suggestions for me, but I'm going to say that any movie with the words 'from hell' tacked on to the title is going to stink worse than a sulfurous lake of fire. Even the Hughes Brothers remarkable film From Hell failed because people were confused by the implied suckitude in the title.
Thus Motocross Zombies From Hell is a big turkey, and one wonders if the filmmakers hoped to indemnify themselves with the 'from hell' bit. "Yeah, we know this movie's a DTV bomb that we hope will earn a few ducats based on outrageous titular promise, then again we (the filmmakers from hell) warned you, didn't we?"
Please don't follow along with motocross honcho Cody (Jason McClain), his tuner Tom (Dave Competello) and friend Lori (Rachael Diana) as they waste a bunch of time at the track before being marked for elimination by the devilish Ivan (Chris Saphire) and his pair of zombie goon racers. Things can only end in a Night Of The Living Dead-style siege on a ramshackle house full of nothing - no tension, no gore, and no script - nothing.
To be fair, you can see that everyone involved is practicing their craft, but let's leave the practice for home movies, shall we? No one wants to see this. A poor script is supported by punch-the-clock performances - young people essentially being themselves - too much of essentially amateur footage from what looks like a real motocross race (good riding, but on the wrong DVD) and bad visuals including lighting that changes drastically with each set-up, poor framing and worse.
One wants to believe in good intentions, but Motocross Zombies From Hell comes off as rancid video porn shot over three days by evil-minded hacks. The only problem is writer / director G.R. (way to own up to your work!) forgot to include the hardcore sex, so what we're left with is half-hearted acting, cheap locations, eye-numbing fluorescent-lights-influenced video work and not enough plot to fill a teaspoon. Memo to The Cohen Brothers (who dey?) and Westlake Entertainment Inc. - we're not gonna take it, no we ain't gonna take it, we're not gonna take it any more.
With an obvious shot-on-video look, (including 1.33:1 aspect ratio) Motocross Zombies are mostly razor sharp and clear, but it's an ugly, grocery clerk training-video kind of clear. Then again, some of the scenes look fuzzy and acidic, as if parts of the shot were superimposed onto stock footage, other scenes are dim, and during the low-light finale there's so much weirdness going on I thought I was having a flashback - ghost images, tracers, you name it. It's just not right, folks.
No claims are made as to any particular level of digital mastering on the audio track. I assume it's stereo but that's about it. Dialog seems to have been recorded live and not very well. It is sometimes hard to hear, but the rocking dirt-bike soundtrack is loud and clear, that is; too loud and overpowering when things start really rocking out.
There are 14 Chapter Stops but no time code, which is a good low-rent indicator. If you're desperate enough you can download some Desktop Wallpapers from the DVD for Windows and Mac machines. You can also watch the Trailer and save over an hour of your life. Here's a big bonus! You can see an image of the Movie Poster (or just look at the DVD cover). Behind The Scenes Footage (about 6-minutes worth) will clue you in on the director's real name and at least make you understand that there are real people behind this effort. The footage also includes plenty of on-set interview segments. About 3-minutes of Bloopers and Outtakes show, among other things, that it takes a bit of time to get the skills with a power drill. Cast Interviews take the EPK route. Watch the principals describe whom they play on screen and stuff for a few minutes. A auto-play slideshow Photo Gallery contains the usual production stills set to more of that rocking Soundtrack, which is also available to play through your DVD player - 9 songs in total. Yes, it's a good amount of extras, but it's too little too late to save a poor effort.
In the 'money perverts everything' file is the movie Motocross Zombies From Hell. Clearly it's a cash-grab attempt based solely on a zingy title, but lucky for you they threw that 'from hell' appendage on there, so you don't even need to read my review to know this little one's not worth the effort. Hoping to score some long green from short money, The Cohen Brothers have done everyone involved who values their craft a disservice, and the poor acting, script, effects and overall ineptitude ensures that you too will be shafted if you do anything but Skip It.