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Don't Drink the Water

Lionsgate Home Entertainment // G // March 18, 2008
List Price: $19.98 [Buy now and save at Amazon]

Review by Jeffrey Kauffman | posted March 10, 2008 | E-mail the Author
The Movie:
Some wag somewhere commented that if you can remember the 60s, you weren't there. For better or worse, we have multimedia remembrances of that storied time, and Don't Drink the Water is about as redolent of the 60s as you can get. Based on a play by Woody Allen, and starring Jackie Gleason, then newly-minted Oscar winner Estelle Parsons and a host of then popular television actors, the play is noisy, chaotic and mod, usually to its detriment.

Gleason portrays Jersey caterer Walter Hollander, who sets out on what he hopes is a short vacation to Europe from his thriving business. Accompanying him are his semi-harridan wife (Parsons) and nubile daughter (Joan Delaney). When the plane is hijacked (right there a sign of the times--when has hijacking been used as a comedic element recently?), the plane ends up in the little-known Communist bulwark of Vulgaria (evidently not the same as in the same vintage Chitty Chitty Bang Bang). In one of many incoherent plot elements, the Hollanders are allowed to leave the plane, where Walter's souvenir home movie taking is seen as the efforts of an undercover spy. Quickly taking refuge with the buffoonish son (Ted Bessell of That Girl fame) of the local American ambassador, the Hollanders soon find themselves holed up in the American Embassy while political discord spins out of control around them. And of course the Ambassador's son and Hollander's daughter become romantically involved.

While the script is largely free of the Allen persona (no real nebbishes here, aside from the Bessell character, and even he is more sauve than the usual Allen hero), it's also extremely dated and lacking sustained comedic impact. Some of the jokes were lame then (as one stating that Vice President Agnew wasn't recognized when he dropped by the Embassy), and certainly haven't gained any lustre in the meantime. There are some others that are actually fairly funny, as when the Communist chief agent, winningly portrayed by Room 222 principal Michael Constantine, instructs worker demonstrators on the proper demonstration techniques, all from the official Communist demonstration handbook.

What really sinks this effort more than anything is the haphazard and mostly incompetent direction of legendary funnyman Howard Morris (who appears at the end of the film in a cameo as a demented biplane pilot--don't ask). The film is full of "mod" techniques, like constant zooms, jump cuts and the like that only add to the disjointed feeling of the entire undertaking.

Gleason is surprisingly restrained (for Gleason, anyway) and has some nice moments as he becomes increasingly befuddled at the events unfolding around him. Parsons does a remarkably fine job as a typical 60s housewife, and Delaney and Bessell make for a comely romantic couple. It's really all for naught, though, when there are so few punchlines delivered along the way.

The DVD

Video:
The enhanced 1.78:1 image is passable. This probably had the fairly bland color and graininess it exhibits here on its original release, so the transfer can't be blamed. It's an accurate reproduction of what was not a highly budgeted film at the time.

Sound:
The Dolby mono soundtrack is fine. Believe it or not, there's a theme song, written by the usually creditable Pat Williams, who must not count this as his finest scoring effort. (Williams intentionally mimics Lalo Schifrin's then au courant "Mission: Impossible" score in one too-long sequence parodying the show).

Extras:
None are offered.

Final Thoughts:
Rabid fans of Allen may want to rent this as the curio it is from an early part of Allen's career. Gleason fans may also like seeing The Great One outside of his television persona, though truth be told, there's not a whale of a difference (so to speak) between Kramden and Hollander. Others will probably want to skip this one.

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"G-d made stars galore" & "Hey, what kind of a crappy fortune is this?" ZMK, modern prophet

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