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I See You.com
Warner Bros. // Unrated // September 16, 2008
List Price: $19.97 [Buy now and save at Amazon]
The Film:
Fans of "Family Guy", bear with me for a second: There's an episode of Fox's cult animated series where the Griffin family, a motley crew of outlandish characters, are put on television for a reality show after the world witnesses their bickering selves on a Jerry Springer knockoff program. It's a twenty some-odd minute installment in the ridiculousness of the Griffin's life that can be entertaining in spots, but it's definitely not their best nor their funniest effort. Now, imagine replacing the television cameras with webcams, imprinting that content on a flattened-out slab of Silly Putty, and stretching it to five-times its length. That's essentially what I-See-You.com becomes, a grating comedy that waters down its handful of humorous bits into an hour and a half drudge -- with obnoxiousness filling in the gaps.
Every giant family mess, even if its the wife's or children's fault, always seems to start with the daffy father doing something to bring attention to the situation. This time, it's Harvey Bellinger (Beau Bridges, Jerry Maguire, and he's in prison for blowing up his house. He was a down-and-out toilet salesman struggling to find work and financially support his family. All the while, his wife, ex-television starlet and Playboy bunny Lydia (Rosanna Arquette, The Whole Nine Yards), has doubled the severity of the situation by gambling away their savings and credit card emergency funds by "day trading" on the market. They're a recently married pair of now-broke, technology-less sex addicts both with a teenage child -- spoiled daddy's girl Audrey (Baylen Neff, Driftwood) and punk-ish tech geek Colby (Matthew Botuchis) -- who are two hormonal little balls of fun that happen to "hook up" at a club shortly before their parents tie the knot.
But now, Harvey's an outbound inmate telling the story of his family's meteoric rise and fall as the stars of the I-See-You.com website, a pay-per-hit venture that slowly developed from a one-woman show to a phenom involving the whole family that took the country by storm. His stepson Colby, in his infinite wisdom and without consent from his family, decides to make some money by broadcasting his crazy house on the internet in super-spy fashion. He just didn't plan on the widespread recognition that his site would soon garnish, namely from the press he gets from Wired Magazine and tabloid television programs like "Entertainment Tonight".
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I-See-You.com's initial meetings probably held that handful of kindling at the center: taking that comedy promise -- voyeuristic chuckling at suburban privacy, mixed with greed -- and finding a way to run with it for a feature film's runtime. It projects its humor as such, feeling like a bunch of partly-clever scenarios speedily jotted down in an effort to crank out the feature. The next set of ideas tossed around might've been to fill its shoes with goofy situational bits and overly flamboyant pushes at humor from reliable character actors Beau Bridges and Rosanna Arquette, which is another idea that also works to different degrees. Both tailor their half-charming, half-obnoxious personalities to Harvey and Lydia, which at least craft an enjoyable pair of misfits to follow as this sinking ship begins its plummet. Pairing Bridges and Arquette with the reality webisode mentality sounds like a groovy idea.
Yet, accompanying these core components are a first act that introduces Harvey's release interview as a storytelling mechanic (including a wasted cop bit part from Hector Elizondo) and a conclusion that tries to scrape together a climax featuring Italian pretty boy Ciro, both of which do little more than give its raw premise an excuse to exist. They're glued onto each end of this hunk of comedic brainstorming, which accomplishes two things for I-See-You.com -- dragging the pace to excruciating levels, and diluting these little flecks of promise with washed out stabs at satire. Feeling involved with the bogus preface or being satisfied with the way the story wraps up never enter the picture, because they accomplish little more than being sub-par bookshelves that prop up the central idea long enough to get a few laughs in and bolt. This wobbly sense of humor makes little plot gaps stick out like sore thumbs, such as the fact that greedy teenager Colby, selfishly making tons of income without giving any to his family at first, never seems to spend a dime of it on anything other than updated surveillance equipment and, maybe, a new computer. If his sponsors didn't buy one for him.
Some things just don't add up, especially once the family members discover his secret as they begin their publicity run. It all feels like a bad television episode for a series that, thankfully, was never picked up. I-See-You.com aims to entertain with its silly commentary on the gripping nature of greed and fame, one that finds the antics on "Big Brother" or reality shows like "The Osbournes" and "Hogan Knows Best" devilishly amusing. Yet, you'd probably be much better off indulging in one of those series than an emaciated digital copy trying to tap into their market's interests. Its cheeky tone and feeble characters, namely in the supportive cast underneath Bridges and Arquette, make this an experience filled with more balks at comedy and overdone scenarios than you can dart your eyeballs at.
The DVD:
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Video and Audio:
I-See-You.com looks decent in its 1.78:1 anamorphic widescreen presentation, actually a bit better than some of WB's other low-brow transfers as of late. But this is also a very boldly-photographed flick, rich with a lot of loud colors and focus on detail. Aside from pixelated facial textures and some wonky blocking issues on mid-tone colors and black levels, it's a clean and vibrant image to match the saccharine content.
Everything sounds fine as well, as the film works the Dolby 5.1 surround channels in all the ways that you'd expect a kitschy comedy to. The musical accompaniment sounds good, while the sparse sound effects -- like the explosion at the beginning -- seem a bit muted in range. But verbal clarity never reaches close to inaudible levels, which is what's important. Moreover, a bit of recognition for the other uses of dynamic range -- from Don LaFontaine's low booming voice to the constant shrills from Audrey and Lydia. English and Spanish subtitles are available to accompany the craziness, only presented in an English language option.
Special Features:
Featurette:
Sitting a little over fifteen (15) minutes, we've got a small dose of half film footage / half interview time with the cast and crew that takes us on a rundown of the humor, the thematic ideas, and the overall conceptualization of the film. It's not too shabby for a genertic featurette, with everybody keeping the bubbly tones to a minimum about the project while they let bits of honesty peek out about their enjoyment.
Also available are five minutes of wisely-snipped Deleted Scenes (5:32), as well as a Theatrical Trailer -- all of which are either full-frame or non-anamorphic.
Final Thoughts:
Watching a like-themed episode of "Family Guy", along with that funny scene from American Pie where three virgin men watch a woman strip and fondle in one of their bedrooms via webcam, will probably net you many more laughs in the thirty to thirty-five (30-35) minutes that it takes to watch the two together than in all of I-See-You.com's laborious ninety-three (93) minute runtime. The only negative to that is that you won't be able to watch Beau Bridges and Rosanna Arquette, who are both fairly entertaining here. But their performances aren't redeeming enough to suffer through the rest of this hodgepodge of modern culture flare-ups, making this misfire at situational satire one that you can Skip.
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