Joshua P. Warren hunts GHOSTS! He's even written a fistful of books on the subject and Simon & Schuster is due to publish his "how to" guide soon for those interested in coming face-to-ectoplasm with an actual apparition. Naturally, one so versed in the storied supernatural lore of his hometown of Asheville, North Carolina would make a HORROR picture, right? Well, no, not yet anyway, the first-time filmmaker instead drew from his rural surroundings to create the alleged comedy Inbred Rednecks (1998, 135! minutes).

The movie: While technically there's no glaring evidence of human inbreeding, it IS implied that Billy Bob (Brent Ponder) may have put quite a bit of HIMSELF into the creation of "Bigass Rooster." A creature otherwise known as an excuse for incessant dick jokes, which most CineSchlockers can already imagine. But if there's any plot at all, it's intertwined with this decidedly rural community's fascination with cockfighting and Clovis' (Mr. Warren) search for romantic fulfillment. He's got his eye on a honey down at the burger joint named Julia (Tiffany Leigh Linebaugh) who's new to these parts and slow to succumb to his poorly pitched woo. Meanwhile, Billy Bob's certain Bigass Rooster can kick the tar out of the defending champ, so Clovis, Joe Bob (Jesse Hooper) and frog-throated Bubba (Shannon "Redman" Franklin) opt to bet big. This leads to some amusing fowl fisticuffs and a bitter rivalry with a cockfighting kingpin (Steve Lewis) who wants Bigass for his own. What's most interesting are the weird beard characters who show up throughout. Like the wild-eyed mad scientist (George Frady) in search of an escaped monkey. A cockeyed weirdo on a moped (Boyd Emory) who shoots the bird. Billy Bob's shell-shocked pappy (Wayne Liles) who's driven into a shotgun fury by croaking frogs. An angry midget nicknamed Sweetmeat (Casey Fox on his knees). There's obviously some potential here, but unfortunately, it goes nowhere and takes its time about it. CineSchlockers who simply can't resist this endurance challenge will find reward in Randy Smith's riotous "Inbred Rednecks" ditty that plays over the final credits.

Notables: No breasts. Two corpses. Gratuitous urination (on electric fence). Rubber frog abuse. Finger gobbling. One poultry suicide. Guy in a chicken suit. Nose mining. Redneck sign language. Puking. Excessive flatulence. Pistol polishing. Gratuitous road trip montage. Stuffed-monkey spanking. Rooster cam. Scalping. Reefer madness. Gratuitous guy-embrassed-to-buy-condoms gag.

Quotables: Just one of Bubba's time-worn witticisms, "Yeah, she could probably suck the chrome off a trailer hitch!" Joe Bob assesses the competition, "They're mean ... he feeds them chickens coal and they s@#& diamonds!" Sheriff Long (Mike Weeks) on the untimely death of Sweetmeat, "Oh well, nobody like the little bastard anyway. Just throw him in the ditch and I'll take care of him later ... he's too short to stink long."

Time codes: Lighting equipment appears well within the frame (14:07). Razor blades are strapped to each rooster's feet (19:26). Good shot of the lil fellers duking it out (27:32). Uh oh, he done riled Mad Dog (47:46). B.A. Rooster music video (1:05:00). Bubba goes Linda Blair on some poor broads (1:25:45). Funniest joke of the flick (1:28:35). Second funniest bit (1:35:15). The boys discover black people (1:50:55). The thrilling man-o y monkey-o finale (2:07:51).

Audio/Video: Seventh-generation bootlegs of the Pam Anderson honeymoon video boast better image quality than this craggy fullframe transfer. The audio fairs a hair better.

Extras: Soda cracker and bong-fueled commentary by Mr. Warren (Clovis), Jesse Hooper (Joe Bob), John Anderson (Mad Dog) and Casey Fox (Sweetmeat). Early on, Mr. Hooper sets the tone when he proudly proclaims he was "completely blitzed" in ALL his scenes. They provide a good mix of tech talk (or lack thereof) and good-natured heckling that, in places, proves more giggle-worthy than the actual soundtrack. Joshua channels the sly smirk of a young Orsen Welles in his "Guide to Low Budget Filmmaking" with tips like "Choose good actors" and "Don't make promises you can't keep" (6 mins). The 30-minute "behind the scenes" featurette explores some of the flick's locations and catches up with many of its sequel-minded cast members. Static menus with audio. No printed insert. (Note to Sub Rosa: Y'all are doing the Lord's work, but fellas, please ditch the five-minute, mandatory promo reel).

Final thought: Every character has his moment. Trouble is, there's some mighty L-O-N-G stretches of comically-challenged crickets chirping in this two-and-a-half hour backwoods epic. Rent It.