Like all the Irwin Allen classics, 2012 begins by weaving together disparate stories of the big and the small, for a full 45 minutes, even, before dispensing the good stuff. There's concerned scientist Adrian (Chiwetel Ejiofor) whose buddies have noticed that the earth is heating up from the inside out. There's secretive government bigwig Carl Anheuser, (Oliver Platt) and even the president (Danny Glover). Plus, there's a hot art conservator (Thandie Newton) a nut-job in the woods (Woody Harrelson) and everyman/author Jackson (John Cusack). But what's important is buildings collapsing, and the promise of more buildings collapsing. So as the earth gets all warm and sexy, with the crust sliding around like the loose skin of a rotten orange, things start collapsing in ways astonishing and comically surreal. As disaster movies go - not terribly far for a genre never known for subtlety - 2012 is the new champion.

On the other hand, 2012 is fairly glib, cavalier even, when it comes to the deeper issues. This, and most other world-destruction movies, are spiritual remakes of When Worlds Collide, a movie that manages to salt its goofy '50s attitude and jingoism with at least a practical examination of the realities of imminent species death. Even Deep Impact and Armageddon took a stab at it, while 2012 is content to keep the whole everyone-is-going-to-die aspect hidden from its poor victims. Which is all well and good, since things like conscience tend to get in the way when enjoying the sight of jam-packed subway cars careening into the wall of a newly opened chasm. It's only a movie, but a movie with a death-toll of about 6 billion, and plenty of times we get to see the little tiny bodies clinging for their lives on collapsing freeways, or being crushed by the Sistine Chapel, for instance.

Never one for nuance, Emmerich still manages to squeeze decent, at times even layered performances from his stellar cast. Ejiofor steals the show from Cusack, who never quite convinces as a dad estranged from his kids. Perhaps since Cusack himself doesn't have kids, he's never able to connect his otherwise bachelor-esque character with the moppets. However, we don't have to suspend disbelief as far as Cusack romancing Amanda Peet is concerned. Platt shades his shady part nicely, and Zlatko Buric is a deeply sonorous pleasure as a shifty Russian billionaire. Best of all is Harrelson as outlaw DJ and conspiracy theorist Charlie Frost. Harrelson has become over the years one of those actors who is always the best part of whatever movie he chooses to pop up in, and this time is no exception. You can't deny that face - he's always Woody - but as a pickle-chomping maniac with good intentions, he becomes totally lost in his role.

Of course the real star is Mr. CGI, the guy who can toss an aircraft carrier onto the Whitehouse with total ease. Emmerich doles out his eye-bending treats with care. Knowing that any good Monster Kid needs to wait a bit before getting to the goodies, Emmerich holds off on the big stuff for 45 minutes before layering it on thick with the destruction of California. This first exercise in preposterousness reaches shrill heights of surreal carnival mania never seen before, as Cusack and crew pilot a small plane through collapsing towers, freeways, catapulting trains and what-not. Then the city pretty much lurches up and slides into the sea, just as we'd been promised. Overuse of symbolic cracks, including one that goes right between God and Adam on the Sistine Chapel ceiling, prove to be a wee bit too cheeky for my tastes, but they help offset other improbabilities, such as Cusack being able to run faster than an airplane getting ready to take off.

2012 isn't anything more than a diversion, a thrill-ride that willfully takes heavy doses of 'the clear and the cream' (you steroid-having baseball fans will understand). It won't even make you wonder for an instant what you'd do if you knew the world was about to end. That's not the point. The aim is to give you edge of your seat action and jaw on the ground spectacle, while padding things with enough characterization that your brain doesn't completely fuzz out. It's a monster of a movie, and it delivers everything it promises.

The DVD

Video:
While 2012 delivers, this single disc DVD comes with postage due. The 2.40:1 presentation looks good, but not as good as it could. Why pack a 158-minute CGI extravaganza and a small slate of extras on a single disc? The image is certainly clear and crisp, and detail levels are fairly deep for something with so much visual information, yet details could be even tighter (I'm looking your way, Blu-ray). Possibly the frenetic pace and overload of information is a mitigating factor, but in slower scenes, particularly the atmospheric opening, things falter. During gorgeous scenes of giant solar flares, my set-up reproduced two instances of really obvious posterization, with clear lines separating gradations of darkness. Maybe a minor quibble, but a shocking one to scope out right at the start. After that, the CGI overload takes command, and things look pretty good. I just know they could look better.

Sound:
English and French (QC) 5.1 Dolby Digital Audio seem potent enough, with a nice dynamic range giving body to all the explosions, screams of fear, and groaning, collapsing buildings. Using my faux-surround setting, an immersive bludgeoning was created during destruction sequences. Surprisingly, dialog, effects and music are mixed together nicely. Though the movie reaches plenty of shrill heights, I never felt the need to actively toggle the volume back and forth for a decent balance. But seriously, the best audio involved comes whenever Zlatko Buric speaks; I have to wonder if his voice isn't digitally enhanced.

Extras:
I suspect a more-packed two-disc edition might be on the way. This one has a small slate of extras, including English, English SDH, and French Subtitles. A "Time For Miracles" Music Video by Adam Lambert is a bit odd, what with The Lam looking all glum and gothed-out as he wanders through crowds of panicking victims who carelessly buffet him as they run for their lives, but the song certainly features the man's pipes with style. A rough, three-minute Alternate Ending ups the sap-factor a bit, and five minutes of Deleted Scenes (5 total) highlight bits that were removed with reason, and some that add a tiny extra bit of action. A nine-minute puff-featurette, Roland Emmerich: The Master of the Modern Epic forgoes any clips, or much at all in the way of mentioning Emmerich's other epics, in favor of interviews and BTS footage showing that the director is really an easy-going guy. Writer/director Emmerich and co-writer Harald Kloser provide a fun and chatty Commentary Track that hits the usual marks with lack of pretension. Scene-specific BTS information is given in straightforward fashion, and of course praise for the actors and technicians is tossed about with abandon. Overall, the guys are just fun and pleasant to listen to, in spite of (or maybe because of) Emmerich's habit of peppering his comments with 'like' and 'you know'. Plus, you get to learn how Emmerich says the name of the movie. Is it 'twenty-twelve' or 'two-thousand-twelve'? I ain't tellin'.

Final Thoughts:
2012 delivers more thrilling, impossible escapes and massive destruction than any movie you've ever seen. Though long, it never lets up the fun, and it's filled with enough likable (if not believable) characters that you won't find yourself giving up in despair. Other than advancing CGI work, it's not an important movie - it hardly touches on philosophy, something you might want to consider if your world is coming to an end - but it delivers the destructive goods in spades. It's a movie my 12-year-old self would have devoured with glee, and I'm glad there's enough of that self left to enjoy it now. This blandly packaged single-disc edition kind-of stiffs it as far as extras and even a reference-quality picture are concerned, however, so I'll leave you with an enthusiastic Rent It.

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