Reviewed by Glenn Erickson

The audience for Houseboat disappeared long ago. A 'family values' film that leisurely uses almost 2 hours to let Cary Grant decide that perfect nanny-combo-sexpot Sophia Loren will be a good mother for his kids, this is a very old-fashioned star vehicle so vague in its setting and particulars, as to be almost generic. The strongest issue to be surmounted here is whether 3 rather insulated kids are going to be as happy with their new mom, as dad will be.

Widower Tom Winters (Grant) is so insulted by his in-laws' plans to take over his children, that without previous kid experience, he takes them all at once, even though they'd rather go with their Aunt Carolyn (Martha Hyer) to live in the country. When Washington D.C., doesn't work out, they end up renting the rickety rural houseboat of Angelo Donatello (Harry Guardino). Along for the ride comes the runaway adult daugher, Cinzia (Loren), of concert conductor Arturo Zaccardi (Eduardo Ciannelli). She pretends to be a penniless immigrant to get the job of nanny, charming the kids and soon Winters too. Hovering on the sidelines is Aunt Carolyn, however, politely angling to inherit her late sister's husband.

There's actually nothing wrong with Houseboat; it's the perfect film to show people hospitalized with stress problems. The handsomely shot VistaVision world has no tensions, no problems. Tom Winters can apparently miss day after day of his important government job, without repercussions. Knockout Loren is spirited, wise and sagely cognizant of her effect on men - yet supposedly impetuous and irresponsible, leaving her addled pop in the lurch during his American tour. It's a very happy world. It's okay if an eight year old kid (Charles Herbert of The Fly) disappears at a big concert and fair, because the adults he encounters will surely return him safe and sound. Sex is out in the open, yet not talked about - Winters pulls the curtains on the peep show of a neighbor undressing, so his kid won't watch, and lets Loren move into his tiny houseboat oblivious to what anyone might say. Loren appears to have no privacy issues (the houseboat doesn't even seem to have a bathroom). After being slapped on the behind and basically called a whore by a drunken friend of Tom, she forgives and even dances with the man less than an hour later. Although these kids are prone to running away, or even drowning, there's no problem leaving them alone on the houseboat while the adults go partying.

Judged from a personality standpoint, Houseboat is a total success. Grant's easy charm is pleasant to watch, and after several epic appearances, Loren also shows an aptitude for light comedy. They give her a drippy song to sing (Sam Cooke does much better with a title tune) but it's only a matter of time before she climbs into a sexy dress and all barriers fall away. The kids are little whiners around whom the world rotates - this has Family Film with a big F written all over it. Young Paul Petersen, later of The Donna Reed Show behaves like a little psychotic, but of course it is all just a little maladjustment, and clears up with sunny smiles and adolescent hugs.

Physically, the film is a perfect fantasy. Losing their intended home in a Buster Keaton-like railroad disaster, the group moves onto an obviously unsafe, listing houseboat. After a few paintbrush gags, it is suddenly in perfect repair, with handsome interior redecorations. When Petersen unties the boat in a fit of loveable psychosis, it drifts harmlessly to nowhere in particular. Nobody seems concerned about anything but the slight inconvenience. Fitzcarraldo, this is not.

The romance problems are solved faster than they can appear. Grant goes wishy washy for a few minutes, but finally chooses Loren over Hyer, who considering the humiliation of being upstaged by the hired help, consents to being a maid of honor at the wedding. Harmless lothario Guardino fades from the competition as soon as Loren mentions marriage, as if repelled by wolfsbane. Loren runs home to father, but is happy to be basically ordered into matrimony. Pops hands the leash over to Grant, basically saying that the bombshell is his problem now.

Houseboat was so successful in its indistinct blandness, that Hollywood soon came up with a strange hybrid of funny family comedies, with silly whitebread kid problems for big stars to solve. Doris Day, James Stewart, Henry Fonda and Lucille Ball did exceeding well in these Peyton Place/A Summer Place antidote pictures. They were basically bigscreen variants on televison situation comedies.

Paramount's DVD of Houseboat has a colorful VistaVision image handsomely transferred, with 16:9 enhancement and excellent sound. There are a lot of rear-projected scenes that seem phony now, but are rather well done for the time.