Rosie Perez is pretty goldang talented. In this movie, Dance With The Devil (1997, 121 minutes), she gets REAL naughty three or four times, but manages to keep most of her clothes ON during the frantic diddling. Apparently, director Alex De La Iglesia didn't have the sort of dinner-o it takes to get Rosie to unleash her true talents. But he's smart enough not to give her too many lines, saving us the inhuman torture of her squawky voice, which has been scientifically proven to make babies cry. His movie takes on added importance these days, because a huge TV star has a small, but amusing role ... that'd be James Gandolfini (Anthony Soprano of HBO's "The Sopranos"). So, this is a big movie, a wild ride with kinky-voodoo sex and guns-blazing violence. I tell ya, this sucker kicks some major hiney ... let's get to the flick.

The movie: At its little black heart, the picture's a love story between the fiery Perdita Durango (Perez) and her witch doctor Romeo (Javier Bardem). When he isn't digging up wrinkled corpses for his Santeria sideshow, he's robbing banks (handling up on broads in the process) or otherwise being a real mean son of a gun. Perdita is into bad boys it seems, but she's badder than most. While sucking on Romeo Dolorosa's toes she suggests that after their bath, they go out on the town and kidnap a couple green-goes for a late night snack. No, she ain't taking them down to El Baskin Robertos. She means to eat THEM! Yeah, struck me as weird to, but Romeo just grins that chilly grin of his and off they go. That's when the fresh meat arrives in the form of two all-American sweethearts, Estelle and Duane (Heather's delicious sister Aimee Graham and Harley Cross who played a pre-teen Martin Brundle in The Fly II). They're pretty good at crying and looking frightened, as hostages tend to do. Some more plot gets interjected when a crime boss by the name of Santos (Don Stroud) decides he wants Romeo to haul a 18-wheeler load of frozen fetuses to a Nevada cosmetics plant. Yuck! Meanwhile, Tony Soprano is a mustachio'd DEA agent from Dallas (Yeah, right) fast on Romeo and Perdita's trail. De La Iglesia mixes in great character actors like the late Screamin' Jay Hawkins as Romeo's sidekick, Adolfo, who sorta sounds like a over-the-hill and black Bobcat Goldthwait. And quirky Repo Man director Alex Cox, who could give Agent Smith of The Matrix diction lessons. The roller coaster of evil finally stops at the happiest place on Earth, that's right, Sin City itself ... Las Vegas. It's a killer ride and one worth taking again.

Notables: Five breasts. More than 21 corpses. Grave robbing. Pistol whipping. Rosie Perez fu. Head-on car crash with explosion. Bank robbing. Santeria deviltry. Multiple diddling. Corpse dismembering. Toe nookie. Gratuitous Ab Flexing. Cigar-smoking grannie. Crucifixion. Cigarette to the hand. Knife through the cranium. Exploding ranch. Boot licking. Human fetuses tumble. One road pizza (extra gooshie). Strobe light footage. Yard monster birthday party. Multiple gun battles. Hair pulling. Brain splattering. Electrocution. Broken bottle to the face. Gratuitous urination.

Quotables: Romeo's portly partner in crime worries about their debts, "If we don't pay him soon, he'll kill us! And make a belt with our nipples!" Perdita feels communication is important in a relationship between homicidal maniacs, as she tells Romeo, "We should kill someone. We should kill them, and then we should eat them!" and "I have one or two holes that I need filling myself."

Time codes: Romeo Dolorosa orders bank teller to show her balance (8:50). The great James Gandolfini (as Woody Dumas) joins the movie (17:40). Dumas fails to look BOTH ways before crossing the street (23:40). Estelle explains the evils of smoking to her captor (1:13:40). The legendary Johnny Cash sings "I Walk The Line" on the radio (1:14:40). Dumas tells a "dead baby" joke (1:22:00). Estelle jumps Duane's bones (1:43:28). "Welcome to Fabulous Las Vegas" sign (1:49:20).

Audio/Video: Beautiful widescreen (2.35:1) print. Explosive Dolby 2.0 and 5.1 audio.

Extras: Original Perdita Durango trailer. Video release trailer. And if your Spanish is rusty, be sure to turn on your English subtitles. The movie is in English, but there are Spanish words and exchanges throughout. Animated menus feature an exceedingly buxom and shotgun-toting Ms. Perez.

Final thought: Probably THE best Rosie Perez action flick EVER made. If your gal sits through this one, sober or not, marry her. Highly Recommended.

G. Noel Gross is a Dallas graphic designer and avowed Drive-In Mutant who specializes in scribbling B-movie reviews. Noel is inspired by Joe Bob Briggs and his gospel of blood, breasts and beasts.