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Sabretooth
Short Takes
Slightly more bite than most of the current critter crush, yet an ultimately squandered opportunity. Aging pinup Vanessa Angel unleashes a prehistoric pussy into the surprisingly-populated So Cal "wilderness" where it scampers around sinking its two enormous choppers into an array of hiker meat and even an amorous couple. Think Jason Voorhees with fur. Unfortunately, the cartoonish CGI nasty so resembles Kellogg's Tony the Tiger that when the creature crams its fangs into the eye sockets of B-regular John Rhys-Davies, CineSchlockers will half expect the surly feline to turn to the audience and growl, "He's GRRR-RRRR-REAT!!!" No breasts (Ms. Jenna Gering tragically disappoints). 10 corpses. Monster cam. Gratuitous fireside "Truth or Dare" game. Bitch slapping. Ol' drop the glasses at the exact worst possible moment gag. One wangdoodle hat rack. Great White Hunter David Keith deadpans, "I think your kitty cat's got an attitude problem." (2001, 90 mins, 1.85:1 anam, DD 5.1, Trailers.)
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G. Noel Gross is a Dallas graphic designer and avowed Drive-In Mutant who specializes in scribbling B-movie reviews. Noel is inspired by Joe Bob Briggs and his gospel of blood, breasts and beasts.
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