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Here Comes Honey Boo Boo: A Very Boo Halloween
Karma is a bitch, and as Lennon said, it can be instant. What did I do, oh lord, to deserve the requirement that I review this DVD? Well, I picked it from the screener pool. Simple as that. Bam! Cause and effect, wot, wot?! I'm so sorry, mom.
I've discussed this with my 8-year-old daughter, she who is not so far removed from 7-year-old Honey, but worlds away in terms of decorum, self-respect, and, sadly, income. Who knows how much skrilla Boo Boo rakes in per episode, to either be deposited in a trust account or squandered by her family, but I wouldn't want that blood money if my life depended on it. The blood of our souls is what is spilled.
At any rate, I'd love to take the advice of my daughter; beginning and ending my review of A Very Boo Halloween with the words "it's terrible." Do I owe more to you, the reader? Do I owe more to Mama June and her clan of miscreants? Will I ever be able to scour my eyes thoroughly enough that I can forget I watched this?
OK, first things first. Yes, I am on a very high horse right now. I'm happy to be here. I have self-respect and I'm not willing to make myself or my family members look even more like idiots than we already are, for a few cheap bucks. (See what I did there?) With that said, shame on everyone remotely involved with this show, from Toddlers & Tiaras down to the last shlub who watches for a cheap laugh or to prop up his own failing ego. (See what I did there?) This show sucks on every level. I laughed only twice in almost 90 minutes, and was mostly sad or confused the rest of the time. (Full disclosure, I enjoy watching Big Brother.)
This DVD also sucks. With season collections available to stream for $23 dollars, who the hell is going to pay $27 for two fracking special bloated episodes on one disc with no extras? Skip It. I mean, really? I would, of a time, have put this in the category of trinkets to put in gift baskets for people you despise but Skip It it's not even worth that.
My mind is collapsing. (Skip It) I know this is but a small section of
[The editors would like to break in at this point to provide some much-needed context to go along with all the aggrieved hand-wringing. Here Comes Honey Boo Boo is a spin off of the popular Reality TV Show Toddlers And Tiaras from The Learning Channel. Honey Boo Boo's mix of brash charm and Shirley Temple sass marked her as a child to watch. Soon enough, she had her own show, not so much focused entirely on her, but on her whole family, a kooky clan who at least seemed to enjoy each others' company and to be willing to pay lip-service to the notion of 'family' as the sole salvation of any horrifically benighted scenario.]
[We return you to the review as submitted:] entertainment offered to Americans, but it's the equivalent of watching some dude bite the heads off of chickens for a laugh. Sorry Honey, sorry Mama, sorry Uncle Poodle and Sugar Bear, sorry Pumpkin, Chubbs and Chickadee. You are good people caught in a meat grinder. Happy to belch and fart and pick your nose on camera for money. Hell, maybe I would do it too. (See what I did there?) But (Skip It) I won't pay to watch it and I am so very sorry. I am so sorry.
Boo Boo, I'll be very interested to see where you end up in the next 12 years. Will you be sucking meth out of a light bulb in a dirt-floor shack, with only a few raccoons in attendance? Or will you be in college making something of yourself? I hope for the latter, but whatever the case, you didn't deserve this.
Oh yeah, the episodes include the Halloween one where Uncle Poodle gets his head stuck in a pumpkin, Mama June pees in a corn maze, Pumpkin almost gets her eye put out by a poor key-toss, Honey Boo Boo splatters mayonnaise all-the-fuck-over creation, and Mama June mocks her husband for being attracted to her. As a weak bonus, you get another horrible episode, for 88 minutes of torture, as the family celebrates Thanksgiving. In this episode, Mama June offers her daughters ten bucks to eat so many raw collard greens that they can do nothing but puke. If they poop, Mama June wants to inspect it to see if it's green.
Presented in 16 x 9 widescreen, this DVD presentation is everything you could ask for. It's clear, it's crisp, it doesn't have much to speak of in terms of defects. Why would you care? Colors are fluorescent-natural in the house, and fairly nice outside. So OK, there you go.
Dolby Digital Stereo Audio preserves the experience as well. You can hear dialog clearly. Music is capricious and mixed well. The balance is excellent. Subtitles are provided for pretty much everyone, as their accents are thick, and enunciation extremely poor.
Closed Captioning is the only 'extra' provided.
Please, I beg forgiveness. I didn't want to watch Honey Boo Boo, really. Two outsized episodes of Halloween/Thanksgiving seasonal madness is not enough to justify a nearly 30-dollar DVD. The show is exemplary of bottom-feeding entertainment, and I apologize to the entirety of the Honey Boo Boo clan, but, really, show some self-respect. This is just awful on every conceivable level. Skip It is too good a rating.